


Just What I Needed

by Shadowpool95



Series: Needed [3]
Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: F/M, Futurefic, James/Lucy was in the past, and Jo/Kendall was in the past too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3131441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowpool95/pseuds/Shadowpool95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Futurefic. Lucy runs into Kendall, who needs more help than he's willing to ask for. If Kendall can stop pushing her away, he might find that she's just what he needed. (Of course it's going to be Kucy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Friends Walk into a Bar

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally posted on ff.net)  
> Never thought I'd write a futurefic O.o But, well, here it is... It just kid of popped into my head and wouldn't get out. But I'm kinda thinking I should continue it...  
> Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. Or would it be aren't mine? I guess it depends if I'm talking about the show or the band... ANYWAY...  
> \- Shadow

The words of the minister rang out through the church loud and clear.

"And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Kendall, you may now kiss your bride."

Jo smiled up at Kendall, their lips met, and the moment was perfect.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you Kendall and Josephine Knight."

.:.:.:.

.:.:.

.:.

:

There was a dark blonde haired man, sitting at a bar, who didn't look like he belonged there. Clean cut and clean shaved, he cradled his almost full glass of gin between his hands, staring down at it like it held all the answers in the world. With the rough-around-the-edges patrons that surrounded him, it was no surprise he was recognized easily.

"Hey, can I have a- Kendall?!"

Kendall lifted his head, his eyes widening in surprise when they rested on a woman with red-streaked black hair. "Lucy!" His face split into what was the first real smile he's shown in weeks.

The bartender, a balding man with a short temper, cut in. "Whatd'ya want, lady?"

"Uh, whiskey," Lucy responded, only half paying attention, "on the rocks."

"On me," Kendall added, standing and sliding a bill over the counter. "Thanks Greg."

Greg just grunted, pocked the bill, and got the ordered drink.

"Isn't gin an old man's drink?" Lucy inquired teasingly, nodding at Kendall's glass while they waited.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "It's a drink for anyone who doesn't exactly want to get too drunk. I have to go home to-"

"Jo." Lucy interrupted tonelessly. "How is she, by the way?"

Kendall cast his eyes down and leaned against the bar counter. "I was going to say 'my daughter', actually. You can ask Jo and her new husband how their health is fairing, because personally I don't give a shit." His voice was raw, and Lucy could tell that he did care.

Greg set her drink down on the counter next to Kendall with a clink. Lucy nodded at him, picked it up, and nudged Kendall towards a booth in the far corner. "Come on," she ordered. "We apparently have a lot of catching up to do."

Kendall let her lead him away and slid into the used-to-be plush booth across from her.

"What's happened since we've last seen each other?" Lucy asked first thing, taking a searing sip of her whiskey.

Kendall laughed humorlessly. "You've become a famous rockstar, and I lost my wife to a posh movie actor."

"Kendall," Lucy reprimanded mockingly.

He sighed. "I don't know. Claire's third birthday was rockstar themed."

With a warm smile, Lucy leaned forward. "I'm sorry I missed it. How is she?"

Kendall offered up a small smile in return. "She's doing well. Growing up fast. She's been a bit quiet since the divorce, but I guess that's to be expected. I always play her your songs, though. Well," he added with a smirk as an afterthought, "the cleaner ones anyway."

Lucy's smile got a bit smaller. He was trying very hard to hide it, but she could detect the underlying tone of despair in Kendall's words. "And how have you been?" she inquired softly.

He looked into her eyes for a few seconds before lowering them down to his drink. "I've been better," he admitted. "Having Claire's helped a lot."

"Jo let you keep her?"

"The _court_ let me keep her," Kendall scoffed, meeting her brown eyes again. "Having an affair kind of ruins your chances of custody."

Lucy returned his gaze sympathetically. "When did all this happen?"

Kendall sighed and leaned back in the booth. "About three months ago. I came home from a hockey game one day and found them in our bed. I left, picked up Claire from Mom's, and drove to Logan and Camille's. Everything happened so fast from there. I let her take everything without a word. I would have sold it all anyway. But when it came to Claire, we fought. It was a losing battle for her, though. We all knew it."

Lucy pushed her half-empty glass of whiskey across the table in front of him, moving Kendall's gin out of the way. "How long were you two married? Three years?"

Kendall stared at the amber liquid before decisively talking a swig. He didn't even react as is burned a path down his throat. It was easier to handle than the memories running through his head in a torrent. "Would have been three and a half last Wednesday," he eventually responded.

Lucy grimaced and fished around for a different topic. "What are you doing with yourself?" she asked sincerely. "I know you're loaded from your time in BTR, but you can't just be sitting around all day."

Kendall chuckled, appreciating her efforts at a topic change. "I coach the ice hockey team at the local high school," he replied, finishing off her whiskey. "And substitute when a teacher needs me."

"Hm." Lucy laughed quietly. "Yeah, I can see you doing that."

"What about you?" Kendall inquired. "I mean, I know your music career has taken off, but why are you all the way out here?"

Lucy shrugged. "When they don't need me at the studio and I'm not on tour, I kind of just wander around. You know, looking for inspiration." A frown pulled down at the corner of her lips. "And a place to call my own, I guess," she sighed. "I haven't had one of those since my parents died."

Kendall unconsciously reached a hand across the table and touched Lucy's arm sympathetically. "What happened?"

"Car crash," she replied bluntly, though she didn't meet Kendall's gaze. She sighed. "It happened about two years ago."

"I'm sorry," Kendall murmured.

Lucy looked up and met his gaze. "It's okay, I guess," she said quietly.

Just then Kendall's cell phone rang, breaking the scene. They both leaned back, hardly having been aware that they were leaning towards each other in the first place. Kendall pulled his phone out of his pocket and, upon checking who was calling, looked back at Lucy a bit guiltily. "One second, I have to take this."

Lucy shrugged nonchalantly and picked up Kendall's still-almost-full glass of gin, looking at the clear liquid suspiciously.

"Hello?" Kendall answered the phone. "Is everything alright?"

Lucy could just make out the words coming from the other end of the line. " _Yes, did you expect something to be wrong?_ "

"No, I didn't expect anything to be wrong…"

" _In all reality, I should be asking_ you _if everything's all right. It's getting quite late._ "

"It's not _that_ late…" Kendall glanced at his wrist watch. "Oh, wow. It is pretty late. I'm sorry, Sarah. I ran into an old friend." He glanced at Lucy who had taken a sip of the gin and was now scowling down at the offending liquid in disgust. Kendall chuckled.

" _Was that a laugh, Mr. Knight? I haven't heard one of those from you in ages._ "

"What?" Kendall scoffed. "No. Listen, I'll be home in a bit. I'm sorry for being late."

" _It's not a problem. Claire was an angel, as always._ "

"That's good." A faint smile lifted the corners of his lips. "Thanks, Sarah."

" _Like I said. Not a problem. Anyone who can make you laugh again is okay in my book. I'll see you when you get home._ "

"Bye."

Kendall ended the call and stuffed the phone back in his pocket, looking back at Lucy only to meet her curious gaze. "That was Sarah, Claire's part-time nanny." He sighed. "Kind of my part-time nanny, too. She moved from California with Claire and me after the divorce. Rented the apartment below us. Said she needed a change of scenery anyway. I don't pay her enough."

Lucy chuckled. "I take it you have to go?"

Kendall smiled softly. "Yeah." After a moment of uncertain silence, he asked, "has your hunt for inspiration lead you to a place to stay for the night?"

Lucy shrugged uncaringly. "There's a motel down the road."

Kendall stood up and shook his head. "That rat nest? What kind of friend would I be if I let you stay there?" He motioned toward the door. "You can stay at my place."

Lucy smiled and got up from the booth. "Pest free?" They made their way to the door.

"Well, there is this one irritating pest. Been bothering me for three years now. Couldn't part with her to save my life." Kendall's warm grin turned mischievous. "I heard there's this other pest staying the night, though. Rumor is she can be a god-awful handful."

Lucy laughed and playfully dug an elbow into his ribs. She was reminded of their time at the Palm Woods, when they would mess around like this, not a care in the world. She was glad that they could still do it. "Are you sure that you don't mind me staying?" Lucy led Kendall over to her car, a black camaro that shone even in the dark.

Kendall waved off her worry. "I'd be more than happy. Pick up what you need and leave your car here. I live like two blocks away. It's a nice night for a walk."

Lucy frowned. "It'll be safe here?"

Kendall laughed. "This is a small town. Not nearly as big of a crime rate as Cali. Besides, you saw Greg. Would you mess with anything on his property?"

With a grin, Lucy popped her trunk. "I guess not." She pulled out a small black duffle bag, which Kendall took and hung over his shoulder by the strap, and her purse before closing it. She beeped it twice to make sure it was locked before following Kendall down the sidewalk.

The night air was pleasant, and the slight breeze brushed their faces. "It's very quiet here," Lucy commented in a low voice.

"It's nice when you have to clear your head," Kendall responded, "though it gets quite noisy during the day. Especially on the weekends."

Lucy cast a glance over at him, curious. "You like it here," she said. She didn't need to ask. It was obvious in his tone.

Kendall took a deep breath, letting it out with a small smile. "Yeah. I've always been more of a small-town guy. I'll leave the paparazzi to James."

Lucy laughed at that. "I hear he's on the audition list for some big movie."

"Yeah, his manager snagged him a spot last minute," Kendall said matter-of-factly.

"Who's his manager?"

Kendall smiled. "Katie."

Lucy gasped. "Really? And how is that arrangement working out for the two of them?"

Kendall chuckled. "Pretty good, considering they've been together for… four months now?"

Lucy looked at Kendall incredulously. "Like, _together_ together?"

Kendall nodded with pursed lips. "Not sure exactly how I feel about that one."

Laughing again, Lucy looked up to see a cluster of smaller garden-style apartments. Each had four apartments, two on bottom, two on top, and the entire setup just looked… cozy. "This is where you live?" she inquired.

Kendall nodded, leading her down a path to one of the buildings. "Home sweet home," he mumbled. "We're 607 A."

They entered the small hallway, climbed the stairs, and stopped at the door. Kendall stuck in his key and turned the knob, opening the door with a click.

They entered a kitchen area, a three-chair table against the wall beside the door. From what little she could see of the place, it definitely looked like a man and his young daughter lived here.

"Sarah," Kendall called in, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Claire.

"In here." Sarah, an older lady who reminded Lucy of her own grandmother, appeared from where she assumed was the living room. "Good evening, Kendall. Oh, and I see you brought your friend home. I hope you two will mind yourselves around the little one."

"Sarah!" Kendall gasped, dramatically scandalized.

Lucy laughed and held out her hand. "I'm Lucy Stone," she introduced herself.

The nanny shook the rocker's hand with a maternal smile. "Sarah Baker. It is nice to meet you. Kendall buys all your albums."

Lucy giggled and Kendall cut in. "Thank _you_ , Sarah. But shouldn't you be getting home?"

"Quite right," Sarah agreed. "You two have a lovely night." She winked at Lucy behind Kendall's back and left.

"She's…" Lucy trailed off, stifling another laugh.

"A character?" Kendall supplied dryly.

"Charming," Lucy amended, gazing around the apartment. Her hunch had been right, and around a dividing wall was a living room, complete with furniture, flat-screen tv, game systems, and kids toys. She smiled. Down the hall she could see three doors. She assumed that the one with self-drawn pictures all over belonged to Claire.

"It's not much," Kendall broke the silence. "But like I said, home sweet home."

Lucy turned her brown eyes on him. "No, it's nice. I like it."

Kendall shrugged, but a small smile briefly flashed across his face. "You can have my bed. I'll take the couch."

"I can't kick you out of-" Lucy began, but Kendall stopped her.

"You're my guest. I can take the couch."

"There's no reason we can't share the bed, Kendall," Lucy began. "It would be weird, but we're just friends. Right?"

Kendall knew he was being teased, judging by the smile on her face, and the one he could see in her eyes. "Right."

" _DADDY!_ "

Both adults turned their heads in the direction of the hallway. Lucy looked at Kendall questioningly.

"Nightmares," Kendall answered, setting Lucy's bag down and striding towards his daughter's room.

Lucy listened to the sounds coming from the room, both the frightened murmurs of Claire's voice and the low rumbles of Kendall's. Eventually Kendall walked back out, Claire cradled in his arms against his chest. One of her tiny hands was fisted in his shirt, the other holding a red blanket so tight it was like she thought it would try to run away.

"Look who's here, Claire bear," Kendall cooed at the toddler as he rubbed her back.

The little girl sniffed and shook her head. "No. 'gonna get me too."

Kendall couldn't help but smile. "She's not going to get you, too. You're safe."

Claire still whimpered.

Lucy tried to hide a smile. "Get her?"

With a shrug, Kendall replied, "she's convinced that there's monsters under her bed that are going to get her."

Lucy grinned and held out her hands. "May I?"

With a shrug, Kendall pried the little girl's fingers off of his shirt. "Claire, why don't you go to Lucy? You know Lucy, right?" Claire peeked up at him. "From the songs you hear on the stereo," he added.

"Rockstar?" the toddler wanted to know.

Kendall looked up at Lucy and smiled. "Yeah, the rockstar."

Claire lifted her head and turned to look at Lucy. With a still-trembling lower lip, she shyly held her arms out.

"Hey there, Claire," Lucy soothed, brushing her light blonde hair out of her face. "You probably don't remember me. I saw you when you were no bigger than a potato." Claire didn't say anything, but buried her face in Lucy's neck. "You're scared of monsters?" the rocker continued. "The monsters under your bed are pretty scary, huh?"

The toddler nodded her head.

"Well let me tell you a secret, Claire." Lucy looked up at Kendall, who had started tidying up the apartment. She knew he was listening. "Your daddy is the best man I know for getting rid of monsters."

"Daddy?"

"Mmhm," Lucy agreed. "He helped me get rid of a few monsters before. He also helped me when I became a monster myself."

Claire looked up at Lucy with big green eyes. "You were a monster?"

Lucy nodded. "Yep." She thought about her debut album. "I wanted to hurt the people I cared about the most. But your daddy helped me see that it was wrong."

The toddler seemed to think about this for a minute. "Daddy keep me safe?" she finally questioned.

Lucy smiled. "Your daddy'll keep you safe."

Claire turned her head so she could see Kendall. "Daddy, can I sleep with you?"

Lucy hid a laugh at the perfect puppy-dog face the kid was pulling off.

Kendall sighed and walked over, taking his daughter from Lucy's arms. "I don't know, Claire, Lucy's going to be sharing my bed tonight."

"There enough room," she bargained.

Kendall grinned. "There's enough room, huh?"

"Mmhm. And then you keep both of us safe."

Kendall glanced over at Lucy who shrugged, still trying not to laugh. "Alright," he finally said to the toddler. "You can sleep in my bed."

Claire squealed, which ended up turning into a yawn.

Lucy grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. "She has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?" the rocker teased.

Kendall laughed. "Every single one."


	2. Park Day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Originally posted on ff.net)  
> Here it is guys, chapter 2! Kinda a filler chapter, but it's cute and fluffy (I love writing fluff ._.) I have a proposal at the end of the chapter, so make sure you read it. I won't bore you with it now, however. ON TO THE READING!
> 
> Disclaimer: Big Time Rush still isn't mine. *What do those goons think I'm paying them for?*
> 
> -Shadow

Kendall buried his head further into the pillow, reveling in the morning quiet. That is, until he realized with a start that there was actual quiet to revel in. He rolled over and squinted at the digital clock next to his bed.

Almost eight.

Groggily, he attempted to recall why, exactly, the quiet was surprising. It dawned on him bit by bit the longer he pondered it, until he realized that it was over an hour past Claire's usual time of waking him up.

She was normally in his room at the crack of dawn with whatever toy she felt inclined to play with that morning. And any parent knew that silence was more worrisome than the loudest noises their kid could make.

Kendall slid out of his empty queen sized bed with a yawn and took the two steps to his bedroom door. It was closed, which was a little peculiar (as Claire hadn't let him sleep with his own door closed for a while). When he opened it, a glance across the hall told him Claire's room was empty. He felt a spark of anxiety light in his chest, just before two familiar voices drifted in from the living room to quell it.

"What about that one?" Lucy's tone held just the right amount of intrigue to get Claire wanting to talk.

"Which?"

Kendall leaned against the doorframe, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips as he listened.

"The pink one."

"Dat Pinkie Pie. She likes party!"

Lucy laughed. "So that one's Pinky Pie, that's Rarity, who's the one with the baby dragon?"

"Twilight. She's smart. Like Unkie Logan."

"And the pony with the cowboy hat?"

"Dat's Applejack. She like apples. You see dat one?"

"Ah… yep. Who's that? No wait, let me guess… Rainbow Sherbet? "

"No no no no no! Rainbow _Dash_. She my _favorite_." Claire's words were animated as she tried to get her point across.

Kendall quietly chuckled. It sounded like Claire was giving Lucy the basic rundown of My Little Pony. It was her favorite show, and he swore she could talk about it for hours. Stretching in an attempt to rid himself, unsuccessfully, of his morning fatigue, Kendall opened his door all the way and headed out to the living room.

He was greeted by the sight of his daughter sitting on the floor in her pajamas, surrounded by what was probably every toy she owned. Lucy was curled up at one end of the couch in pjs of her own that consisted of a cammi and cotton shorts. Her hair was tossed up in a messy bun, except for a bunch that had fallen down and now framed her face.

Kendall felt an unexpected twinge of relief. It wasn't that he had thought that Lucy would have left, exactly. It was just nice that she hadn't. The rocker had turned her head towards him when he had walked in. Their eyes now met.

"And sleeping beauty awakens," Lucy teased.

"Daddy!"

Kendall scooped up Claire, who had barreled herself toward him as fast as her legs would allow. He pressed his face against her stomach and growled with mock ferocity, sending the toddler into a fit of giggles.

"How did my princess sleep?" he asked, holding her up-right.

"No daddy. Not princess. I'ma be a roackstar like Lucy!"

"Oh. I don't know. You look more like a princess to me." Claire put on a pouty face that caused her father and Lucy to smile. Kendall added, "I was joking Claire bear."

The three year old glared at her father sternly, a little finger held up and pointed at his face. "Is not funny," she scolded.

Kendall had to outright laugh at that. "Well then, I'm sorry." He lightly poked her nose with his index finger before turning to Lucy. "You two have any breakfast yet?"

"No." Lucy unfolded herself from the couch in a luxurious stretch. "I didn't know what she normally eats, so I distracted her with toys." The rockstar looked around the living room before smirking at Kendall guiltily. "We kinda made a mess."

"Remember what I told you last night?" Kendall's face was painted over with a mischievous grin. "About the pests?"

Lucy gasped in faux indignation.

Kendall ducked away with Claire still in his arms, the both of them laughing, before she could have a chance to swat at him. "A god-awful handful, Lucy," he teased, avoiding her well-aimed but soft blows.

When Lucy's fake rage was spent, Kendall set Claire down in her booster seat at the table. He looked over at Lucy, sitting in the usually-vacant chair. "How does eggs and bacon sound?"

"You don't have to-" Lucy began, but Kendall cut her off.

"Lucy, it's just breakfast." He held his hands up to show her, metaphorically, that he wasn't hiding anything. "Eggs and bacon?" he repeated.

She seemed to mull it over for a bit as she stared at him. Finally, she asked, "Got any orange juice?"

Kendall smiled and pulled two frying pans out of their cupboard. "Of course. How do you want your eggs?"

Lucy got up and opened the fridge, looking for the juice. "Mmm… Sunny side up."

Pulling a wrinkled-nose face, he cast her a semi-disgusted glance. "Gooey?"

She lifted her head to look at him over the refrigerator door. "Uh, yeah."

"You're so weird." Kendall walked over to the fridge, reached over Lucy and grabbed the eggs, milk, butter and the bacon. "Juice is on the top shelf."

"You keep this place pretty well stocked," the rocker commented, taking the orange juice out and setting it on the table.

"What'd you expect?" Kendall inquired. "I like my food. Glasses are in the top cupboard, above the microwave," he added.

Lucy shrugged. "I don't know. Single dad. Cluttered apartment. No food. Diaper on the baby's head." She pulled out two glasses and a sippy cup for Claire.

"I am offended," Kendall mockingly held a hand to his chest, as if in pain. "Besides," he added, flicking on the front burners. "Claire hasn't been in diapers for over a year now."

"I'ma big girl!" the toddler added, waiving around the juice carton as if to remind them that she was still there.

Lucy gently grabbed the orange juice carton out of the little girl's hands and laughed. "Big girl or not, you're going to make a mess."

There was little talk as Kendall made breakfast. At least from the two adults. Claire kept up a constant stream of one-sided conversation about this, that, and whatever else entertained three year olds. It was just enough to cover up the silence that would otherwise only be masked by sizzling bacon.

Lucy divided her attention between short, non-comitial noises in response to the toddler, and watching her friend's brooding look every time he turned his head in her general direction. The rocker began to think that _Claire_ wasn't the one who's been quiet since the divorce.

"Daddy?" Claire paused her torrent of words to try to grab her father's attention.

Kendall looked at her with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Lucy wasn't sure if it was real or not.

"Yeah, Claire Bear?" His voice seemed normal. Happy. Up-beat, even.

"Todays isbe park day?"

Kendall tipped the bacon out of its frying pan and onto a plate. "Yeah, today's park day. Why?" He cracked two eggs into the other pan, their yolks expertly intact.

Claire watched her father as he rinsed off the bacon pan. "Lucy coming too?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. Why don't you ask her?" Kendall broke three more eggs into the now somewhat-clean pan and stirred them up, adding a splotch of milk and some salt.

Lucy turned to Claire, who was tapping her hand, vying for attention. "You come to park day?"

The rocker glanced at Kendall questioningly. "Park day?"

"Today's Sunday," Kendall elaborated, bringing the plate of bacon over to the table. "I take Claire to the park on Sundays."

"Park!" Claire chimed in excitedly.

Kendall chuckled and opened a loaf of bread, sticking a few slices in the toaster. "What time were you planning on leaving?" he inquired, returning his attention back to the eggs.

"Oh, well, I didn't really have a plan," Lucy responded with a shrug. She screwed the cap back on the oj and set it on the counter next to the milk. "Like I said. I kind of just wander around until I'm needed."

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like," Kendall offered, turning off the stove.

Lucy smiled and looked at Claire. "What's there to do at the park?"

"Sandbox!" Claire let out an infectious giggle.

Lucy couldn't help but laugh along. "Yeah? Do you like to build castles?"

"Big ones! Taller than the trees!" She held up her hands and stretched towards the ceiling in emphasis.

Lucy let herself look shocked. "Wow, that big?"

The toddler nodded vigorously.

"Breakfast is served," Kendall said as he set a plate down in front of both Lucy and Claire. "Gooey globs for Lucy, and scrambled eggs for my princess and myself." He grabbed his own plate and sat down in the vacant seat.

"Not a princess, daddy," Claire protested, picking up a piece of her cut-up toast. "I'm gonna be a _rockstar_."

Kendall laughed. "Right, right. Eat up, little miss rockstar. Then we'll get dressed and head to the park."


	3. At The Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... it's been a little bit (._.) I just finished this this morning, actually. You would not believe how busy the past two weeks has been: exams, two field trips over two hours away, face painting at an elementary school, my sister's piano recital, Graduation, and 8 relatives visiting my family's small 3 bedroom apartment o-o Scary days. I'm now an adult, bound for college in 8 weeks. And here still I sit, writing fanfiction ^-^ I love it too much to grow up.
> 
> Disclaimer: You guys know the drill. I write words saying I don't own BTR, you probably skip reading them anyway, blah, blah, blah.
> 
> \- Shadow

"Claire, don't run ahead."

The toddler jumped into a dead halt at her father's words, bouncing excitedly in place as she waited for him and Lucy to catch up. "Come on, Daddy!" she urged, waiving her arms for emphasis.

Kendall sighed. "How does she have this much energy?" he wondered out loud.

Lucy smiled and shook her head in bewilderment. The three of them were on their way to the park, and Kendall's words were no exaggeration. Since the minute breakfast was over with, Claire hadn't stopped moving. At first they were able to channel her energy into cleaning up her toys, but that didn't take as long as they had hoped it would. It was all each adult could do to entertain Claire while the other showered and got dressed.

"How do you deal with this yourself?" Lucy had asked Kendall when he came out of the bathroom.

Kendall had just rolled his eyes. "Can't handle a three year old?" he taunted.

Looking at the two of them now, Lucy knew that they had an understanding; Claire could do whatever she wanted, so long as she listened to Kendall when it mattered.

"What, can't handle a three year old?" Lucy couldn't help but tease.

"Oh ha ha," Kendall retorted.

Lucy mulled over his tone. "She can do no wrong, can she?"

"Oh she tests that limit every day," Kendall replied dryly in a way that suggested his mind was elsewhere.

They caught up to Claire, who was all but bursting with impatience. The three year old grabbed at one of each of their hands, holding them tightly with her own as she gazed up at Lucy.

"Park be over dere," she explained. "Got cross road. We need'a hold hands. Right daddy?"

Lucy glanced at Kendall when he didn't immediately give an answer, only to find the same brooding expression that he had that morning painted on his face again. She followed his gaze, and it led her to a couple down the street, holding hands and smiling like they were the only two people in the world.

Crouching down next to Claire, the rocker removed her hand from the kid's grip. "You know how to cross the street, Claire?" She used her now-free hand to punch Kendall in the leg behind Claire's back.

"Look both ways!" Claire exclaimed. Next to her, Kendall shook himself back into the present, casting an accusing glare at Lucy, who just shrugged.

"That's right!" Lucy applauded. "Think you can do it?" she added in a challenging tone.

Claire made a big show of looking down the street while Lucy looked up at Kendall over her head, offering him a questioning expression. He answered with an exaggerated mirrored image of her shrug from moments before. The rocker responded with the first thing that came to her mind; she stuck her tongue out at him.

"No cars!" Claire cheered, like she had won some great victory.

Lucy stood up and took Claire's hand again, while both she and Kendall cast a quick double-check.

"Perfect. Let's go." The words had barely left her mouth before Claire was practically dragging them to the other side.

"Park!" she yelled excitedly once they were across the road. Claire dropped their hands and bolted forward, heading directly towards a large wooden sandbox.

"She wasn't kidding about the sandbox," Lucy commented. She watched at the toddler practically dove into the sand, burying her hands up to her wrists, giggling all the while.

"She has a knack for being in the middle of messes," Kendall agreed. Lucy frowned at the hidden meaning in his grimly spoken words.

"How's that going?" she inquired curiously as Kendall led them over to a picnic table setting in the shade. "I mean with Claire and-" Lucy stopped herself before she said Jo's name. "…the divorce," she finished lamely.

Kendall sat down on the bench, leaning his elbows back on the table. Lucy sat on the table next to him, her combat boots resting on the bench while her elbows rested on her knees. From their spot they had a clear view of the sandbox, and that's where the both of them were looking.

"She's three," Kendall sighed. "She asks about mommy, I distract her, it won't enter her mind again for a while."

"That's not going to work for long," Lucy pointed out, picking at a hole in the knee of her black skinny jeans.

"Well it's working for now," Kendall replied forcefully. Lucy caught onto the finality in his voice and grudgingly dropped the subject for now. From the angle she stood at, it looked like Kendall was just avoiding the problem all together. The rocker grimaced, remembering that as one of his greatest flaws.

"How's your team doing?" she eventually asked after spending a few minutes groping for a new topic.

Kendall's response was spoken with relief, though she suspected it had nothing to do with his wanting to talk to her. "We've only had one practice, but it seems well-rounded enough."

Lucy smiled. "With good coaching, I'm sure they'll be great." She looked at him with an innocent expression. "Know any good coaches?"

Kendall elbowed her. "You're hilarious."

Across the park at the sandbox, Claire was joined by a boy and a girl about her age. Lucy hid a laugh as Kendall tensed, visibly going into over-protective dad mode.

The rocker nudged him with her knee. "You know, you make a pretty good dad."

"It's easy when she's this young," Kendall replied with a modest shrug. "And she doesn't have a mom now," he added, bitterness evident in his tone. "I have to do twice as good of a job."

Lucy crossed her arms. "You're doing the best you can," she said sympathetically, "and your best seems to be pretty damn near perfect."

Kendall's only reply was to lean forward. Claire was running up to them, smiling broadly.

"Daddy, I wanna swing," she informed him.

"Well then go swing," Kendall smiled.

Claire huffed with the impatience of a child. "You gotta push me!"

"Maybe if you ask nicely," her father bantered teasingly.

Claire looked up at him with her perfect green-eyed puppy-dog face. "Pweeeese?" she begged.

Kendall rolled his eyes, but Lucy could tell he was sold.

"Fine, I'll go push you on the swing." Kendall got up as Claire squealed in delight. "I'll be back," he told Lucy.

Watching the two of them walk off, Lucy wasn't aware of anyone approaching her. So she jumped when she realized someone had.

"You're not Mrs. Knight, are you?" came a voice at her shoulder.

A woman with sun-streaked brown hair met Lucy's gaze with a weird expression once the rocker turned her head. Lucy gave the lady a look that said she thought she was nuts. "The _former_ Mrs. Knight? Definitely not. I'm Lucy Stone." She held a hand out and the other woman shook it. "Kendall and I are really good friends."

The woman smiled. "That works. Ah, my name's Brittany Newvine. I have two boys on the high school hockey team. My husband and I have kind of unofficially run the team's fundraisers ever since our oldest started five years ago. He's graduated now, but his brothers wanted to follow in his footsteps, so Mark and I just stuck with it."

Lucy listened to her, trying her best not to let a 'just get on with it' look show.

Brittany ducked her head. "And this is where it kind of gets embarrassing," she explained. "You see, Mark and I usually collaborate with the coach about dates and events and what not, but the only time we see him is at the park. But he usually sits over here by himself all moody-like…" she trailed off.

Lucy had to restrain herself from laughing. "You're scared," she supplied with a disbelieving smirk, "of Kendall. Don't you see him at practices, though?"

Brittany crossed her arms self-consciously. "See? embarrassing. We tried to catch him at practice a few times, but he's gone right after he dismisses the team." She shrugged. "I just thought, since you seem to know him, that you could give him my number and tell him to call me?" She held out a slip of paper.

Poker face installed, Lucy took the paper. "Sure," she shrugged. "I'll make sure he calls."

"Great," Brittany beamed. "Thanks a lot. I'll see you later."

After a nod from Lucy, she left. The rocker covered her mouth with a hand to hide her laugh.

 _Scared of Kendall?_ she asked herself. Then she paused. _Well…_ She pondered the idea for a bit. _Maybe…_

Lucy's thoughts were interrupted by Kendall himself sitting back down.

"You know," the rocker started, waving the piece of paper in his face to gain his attention. "It's a dark day in this world when someone is more afraid of you than they are of me."

Kendall cast her a skeptical look as he took the slip. "Who's scared of me?"

She tapped the paper with a finger. "Brittany Newvine, apparently."

Lucy told him about the woman.

"So I told her that I'd tell you to call her," she finished.

Kendall raised an eyebrow and let out a half-genuine laugh. "I'll have to do that. But, do you honestly think that you're scarier than me?"

Lucy scoffed. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm scarier. Rockstar. Dyed hair. Black nail polish." She wiggled her fingers at him.

Kendall copied her action mockingly. "Okay, fine. You make a good point."

"Daddy, daddy!" Claire joined them once again. "Wanna swing!"

Kendall groaned over-dramatically. "Claire Bear, you just got _off_ the swings."

"Wanna swing _again_ ," she clarified.

"Why don't you ask Lucy?" Kendall said with a wave of his hand. The toddler's eyes lit up.

Claire grabbed at Lucy's legs. "Push on swing?" she asked.

Lucy feigned ignorance. "You're going to push me on the swing?"

Claire broke into a fit of giggles. "No no no, silly," she laughed. "You push _me_ on swing."

"Oh, I see," Lucy nodded with understanding. "You push me."

Claire shook her head vigorously. "No. You push _me_."

Lucy and Kendall shared a smile, though his disappeared once she looked away. "That's what I said. You push me."

Claire put her face in her little hands. "Come on," she sighed, lifting her head and taking Lucy's hand. "I show you." The rocker got off the picnic table and followed her with a laugh.

.:.:.:.

After the swings, Lucy spent the rest of the morning chasing a tireless Claire in an endless game of tag. About the time they were getting hungry, the pair noticed that Sarah had joined Kendall at the table, and a picnic basket now sat between them.

Lucy also noticed that the phone in her back pocket had begun to vibrate. She pulled it out and checked the caller ID before rolling her eyes and hitting "accept".

"Claire, go over to daddy and Sarah," she told the toddler as she brought the phone up to her ear. "They have lunch ready. I'll be over in a second."

" _Baby sitting, I see,"_ came the voice from the other end of the line. _"That would mean that we've gotten to at least Phase Two. Excellent."_

Lucy leaned against a tree and watched Claire head back to the table. 'What do you mean _'we've'_? _I've_ done all the work.

" _It's my plan!"_

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Why do we even need a plan?"

" _Nevermind. How are things going?"_

Lucy moved her gaze to Kendall, who was reaching into the picnic basket and trying to hold off an excited Claire at the same time. "That depends. I mean, the apartment's clean and the fridge is stocked. But Kendall just isn't… Kendall."

" _Do we need to go over the Plan again?"_

"No," Lucy snapped. "I don't need a plan. I'm a big girl, I can handle this by myself."

" _Fine. I'll call you later then."_

"Oh I'm sure you will."

There was silence coming from the other end.

Lucy sighed. "Sorry. I'll talk to you later."

" _That's better,"_ was the cheerful reply she got before the line went dead with a click.

Lucy pocketed her phone, chewing on her lower lip, before shaking herself back into now and joining everyone at the picnic table.

"Who was that?" Kendall inquired, without any real curiosity, when the rocker sat down across from him.

Lucy shrugged with a smile. "Oh no one really important."


	4. Stress and a Mini Music Fest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to say that not a lot happens in this chapter, but actually a lot does happen. So read. I command you! ._. Just kidding. Please read?
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own BTR, but I do happen to own a shed full of pitchforks. Anyone want to go commandeer the entire BTR set and re-film the episodes from here til the finale with me? I promise Kucy and snacks. Torches are optional.
> 
> -Shadow

The next few days went by in the usual way they did; uneventful. Kendall spent his afternoons and evenings at the high school, doing what coaches do. Sarah watched Claire when he was away and did her own thing when he wasn't. The only thing not 'normal' was Lucy's presence, though it was getting more so as time passed by.

She spent most of her afternoons at the mall in the next town over, a small city about an hour away. Her mornings consisted of playing with Claire or spending time with Kendall in the apartment. She would call it 'talking', but since Sunday he hadn't said much past "Good morning" and "Good night". The rocker couldn't help but think that this was his normal anymore. And that worried her.

Where was the Kendall she knew from the Palm Woods? The one who spent hours upon hours trying to convince her that his music was just as rocking as hers? The one she's laughed with more times than she could even count anymore? The one who's helped her out of so many scrapes it would take weeks to tally up her debt? Where's the curiosity? The competitiveness? The sense of adventure? The _smile_? Because she hadn't seen one from him since Saturday night. Not a real one, anyways.

At dinner, Kendall would ask Lucy if she had any plans of leaving. His voice would be void of any real curiosity or need to know. Lucy would shrug and say that she wasn't needed anywhere else at the moment and, much to her disappointment, that would be the end of that.

It was now Friday afternoon. Sarah had taken Claire on the last picnic of the season with her church group. The long Indian Summer they were experiencing was drawing to a close, and it was finally feeling like the late fall that it really was. Sarah had invited Lucy to tag along as well, but the rocker didn't think that a bunch of old devout ladies would take too kindly to her hair, clothes, or all around life style.

So Lucy sat by herself in Kendall's apartment, filling the rare, and somehow unwelcome, quiet with the sounds of a first person shooter on his xbox. She had a pretty good kill streak going when the house phone sitting on the counter rang. Lucy wondered whether or not she should answer it, and her slight hesitation cost her character his life.

"Damnit," she growled as she got up. She moved over to the counter, scooped the phone up, and answered it. "Hello?"

" _Oh, uh, I might have the wrong number… I'm looking for Kendall Knight?_ "

The stumbling voice coming out of the handset sent a shard of icy anger down Lucy's spine.

She recognized that voice.

It was Jo's voice.

"This is his number," Lucy replied, forcing her voice to sound neutral.

" _Is he there_?" The actress apparently hadn't recognized Lucy's voice as easily as the rocker had recognized hers.

Which suited Lucy just fine.

"No, he's out right now," she said in the same flat tone.

" _Can I leave a message? He and I really need to talk._ "

Lucy couldn't help herself. She let out a disbelieving snort. "What do you and Kendall have left to talk about?" She spat out the question like it hurt.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then, " _Lucy_?"

"What's it to you?" she growled.

" _Nothing. It's just… You still say his name like you used to back at the Palm Woods._ "

Lucy felt her face flush. "You mean before you broke him?" she snapped back. She mashed the 'end call' button and aggressively put the phone back on its cradle. Lucy let herself seethe for a little bit, but she eventually calmed down enough to think.

What did that blonde bitch think she still had to say to him? Not that it was any of Lucy's business.

The rocker slammed a fist down on the counter top. "Damn me if it isn't my business," she argued with herself. Kendall is her friend. She hated seeing him hurt. And Jo definitely hurt him.

Lucy took a deep breath and let it out with a hiss. A glance at the tv told her that the game was ready to send her in for another round if she was in. The clock told her that she still had a few hours until anyone was due home. She just hoped that she didn't break anything between now and then.

Lucy walked back to the living room and picked up the 360 controller. Maybe another kill streak would act as a stress relief.

.:.:.:.

Sitting in his small coach's office, Kendall hovered the cursor of his desktop computer over the button that would decline the Skype call for the seventh time. But instead of clicking it, he sighed in resignation and hit 'accept'. The guys were relentless.

"Finally!" chorused Logan, James, and Carlos as their faces each popped up on his screen simultaneously. Kendall adjusted the webcam on the monitor so it was centered.

"Hey guys," he greeted them.

"Declining our calls?" James scolded. "Really, dude?"

Kendall sputtered defensively. "I was busy!"

"Of course you were." Logan's voice was dripping with skepticism.

Carlos' portion of the screen was suddenly filled with a mass of black and brown fur. "Brandy, get down! I'm talking!" He shoved the German Shepherd away, only for her to belly-crawl back into his lap.

"Gee," Logan snorted, "for a police dog Brandy's not very obedient."

Carlos puffed out his chest as much as he could with a 60 pound dog on it. "That's because she's not wearing her vest," he informed him proudly.

Kendall coughed to interrupt the two before a real argument could break out. "Just like old times, huh?" he asked dryly.

"Right." Logan cleared his throat. "First order of business, how is everyone?"

Kendall just lifted an eyebrow while James and Carlos each gave a murmur of contentment. There was a few beats of silence, then Logan threw his arms up.

"My life's going great, thanks for asking," he said in a tone of indignation.

Kendall sighed. "Can we just get to the real reason you guys called?" he asked abrasively.

Logan, James, and Carlos looked synthetically clueless.

"Thanksgiving?" Kendall prompted, though he knew that they knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Oh, is it really that time of the year already?" James scoffed. "Well, you know what that means…"

" _MINI MUSIC FEST!_ " the three of them cheered at the top of their lungs. Brandy punctuated the words with a loud bark, while Kendall just rolled his eyes.

"Do we have to?" he complained.

His friends gasped.

"Yes we _have_ to!" Carlos covered his dog's ears. "It's a tradition! How dare you insinuate us not going through with this sacred event."

"I just mean-"

"Ehp!" James interrupted. "Don't be a party pooper."

Kendall leaned back in his chair. "I'm not a-"

"Logan," James spoke over him, "you had better go over the rules for the party pooper."

Kendall rolled his eyes again, but let his friend speak.

"Ahem." Logan cleared his throat importantly. "Each year, participants will have at least three weeks to find a song of a specified genre and learn said song to be sung at some point over the Thanksgiving visit to the house of Momma Knight. The song must be about someone or something in your life. The lyrics can be tweaked, but the song must remain wholly unchanged."

Carlos waved his hand to gain everyone's attention. "Tell him about the new rule," he reminded Logan.

"Oh, right. Kendall?"

 _This outta be good,_ Kendall thought. "Yeah?"

"Nothing depressing," Logan said flatly.

"But-"

"No buts," James interrupted him once again. "Jo isn't the only person in your life right now." Everyone flinched, but James continued without reservation. "I mean, you have Claire, and Lucy's even out there right now."

Kendall drew a confused expression. "How'd you know Lucy was out here?"

"Sarah talked to your mom the other day," he said, glancing briefly off-screen. He shrugged.

Kendall shook his head. "Whatever. But that still-"

"But _what_?" James interrupted yet again.

"I might not be going anywhere for Thanksgiving," Kendall blurted out before anyone could cut him off.

Logan, Carlos, and James froze and there was silence, until someone off of someone's screen spoke.

"He said _what now_?!"

Kendall knew that voice almost as well as he knew his own. "What's my sister doing at your house?" he directed his question at James.

" _My girlfriend_ and _our_ house," he corrected.

Kendall bristled. "You moved _in together?!_ "

Katie appeared on-screen and sat next to James on what would be 'their' couch. "That is so not the point here," she told her older brother. "What do you mean you're not going anywhere for Thanksgiving?"

Kendall shrugged. They all knew why, but he answered her anyway. "I just don't want to go anywhere near…" he trailed off, but Katie didn't give him time to hunt for an end to his sentence.

"So, what? You're going to avoid the entire west coast for the rest of your life?" She shook her head. "You can't do that, Kendall. Did you know that mom's already started preparing the house for you guys to arrive?"

Kendall ran a hand down his face. No, he hadn't.

"If you don't come," Katie added, "she'll be crushed."

Kendall groaned. Why did she have to play the mom-who-barely-gets-to-see-her-kids card? "I'll think about it," he amended.

Katie grinned.

"Shall we pull the Genre out of the Hat of Genres?" Carlos asked.

"Indeed we shall," Logan agreed, picking up a top hat from the floor. It was upside down, and everyone knew what was in it, though Logan still said it out loud for dramatic effect. "Contained within the brim of the Hat of Genres are the Slips of Genres. Each Slip of Genre has a genre written on it. Whichever genre is picked will be the genre-"

"Get on with it," James demanded, earning him an elbow in the ribs courtesy of Katie.

"-theme of the Mini Music Fest," Logan finished with a dirty look directed at James. He stuck his hand in the hat and mixed up the paper slips a bit before pulling one out. "And this year's genre is…" he announced with a theatrical pause, "country."

James and Carlos groaned.

"Ah, ah, ah," Logan chided. "Rules are rules. We each have to pick a country song. And Kendall?"

Kendall sighed. "Nothing depressing, I know."

"Good. Now I have to go clean a bathroom." He pulled a disgusted look. "The boys caught the flu from school. Loganator out." His screen went blank.

"So James," Kendall began dangerously. "About this whole "our house" thing…"

James opened his mouth, but Katie was the quickest to answer. "Bye big brother!" Their screen blacked out aswell.

Kendall looked at Carlos, who gave him a sympathetic look in return. "You okay?"

"Maybe eventually," Kendall replied dully.

"It's good that Lucy's out there with you. She's a fun person to hang out with." He shrugged. "See you at Thanksgiving?" Carlos held his fist up to the screen.

Kendall's face shifted with a ghost of a smile as he copied his friend's gesture in a video-chat knuckle-bump. "I'll see you."

Carlos' screen went blank too, leaving Kendall to stare at the image of himself through the webcam.


	5. Something Was Bound to Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. I am obligated to repeat this, though I really see no point. I mean, can you imagine if the screen writers for any given show tested and/or used ideas from fanfiction? No, because that would be a genius idea. They're not that smart.
> 
> -Shadow

Lucy was still playing xbox later that evening when she heard the door open. Judging by the lack of chatter, and riding on the fact that it wasn't a burglar, it could only be one person.

"Hey Kendall," she greeted, not taking her eyes off the tv screen.

Kendall stepped around the dividing wall. With him wafted the smell of pizza and wings. "Hey Lucy."

"Wow, two words this time?" she teased him. "Someone's feeling talkative."

He shot her a scathing look before returning to the kitchen. "How'd you spend your afternoon?" he inquired, probably to humor her.

Lucy shrugged. "I'm doing it," she replied.

"You played Battlefield 3 all afternoon?"

The rocker bit her lip. "Well, I tried to watch the news for a bit," she supplied, "until I realized the headline stories now a days are stupid." She was glad a wall stood between them, or else Kendall would probably be able to guess that she was leaving out an important detail from her afternoon. Lucy had decided not to tell him about Jo's phone call. Although she wasn't technically lying to him about it, she still felt somewhat guilty for not telling him. But it was for his own good, right? Besides, she resigned herself to telling him if he ever asked outright.

_Hey Lucy, did Jo call?_

_Yeah, but she's a whore. Don't talk to her._

Lucy sighed. "I caught the weather too," she added. "There's supposed to be a storm blowing in by Sunday night, and it's supposed to rain on and off all weekend." She shut off the xbox and uncurled from the couch. "And I would also like you to know that I beat your best kill streak and got you five achievements," she gloated as she entered the kitchen. "You're welcome." She sat down at the table.

Kendall rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter, but was saved from having to reply by the door opening.

"And then we sawed this _huge_ bee!" came Claire's animated voice.

"I hope you didn't touch it," Sarah replied as the two of them entered the apartment.

"Oh no," Claire answered seriously. "Daddy telled me not ta touch them."

Lucy gave Kendall a look that just screamed 'awwww'. He avoided her gaze almost bashfully.

"Have fun at the picnic, Claire Bear?" he asked his daughter, crouching down to her level.

Claire grinned from ear to ear and practically jumped at Kendall in her eagerness to tell him about her day. "Lots'a fun!" she giggled. "We finded bugs!"

Kendall's eyes widened and his eyebrows lifted in exaggerated interest. "How many bugs?" he asked.

Claire held up all her fingers. "More than this many," she told him.

Kendall picked up Claire as he stood up. "Alright, how about you tell me about them while you take a bath, then we'll get you dinner. Okay?"

Claire nodded with a smile.

Kendall motioned toward the pizza and wings on the table. "You two can help yourselves," he told Sarah and Lucy before heading to the bathroom.

Sarah sat at the table across from Lucy, but neither one of them took any food. Lucy was staring at her hands as she shredded a napkin, so it took her a little while to realize that Sarah was looking at her. The rocker looked up to find that the older woman was waiting for her to do just that.

"What's on your mind, honey?" she asked kindly.

Lucy shook her head stubbornly and returned her gaze to the mutilated napkin. "Nothing," she said unconvincingly.

Sarah chuckled. "I might be old, but age has granted me experience. Something's troubling you. If you don't want the talk about it though, that's fine too."

Lucy chewed her lip through the silence that was only broken by the sound of the bathtub filling up and the hum of Claire and Kendall's voices. She flattened the napkin pieces out on the table in a deliberate fashion before lifting her head back up to meet Sarah's gaze.

"Is a lie justifiable if it's to protect the person you're lying to?" she blurted out in a low tone. She hoped her voice wouldn't carry down the hall to the bathroom.

Sarah looked at her curiously but didn't press for details. "I find that lies always have a way of getting out," she explained. "But I don't suppose you'd care to hear the advice of an old woman?"

"Actually I would," Lucy said with a waning smile. It was times like this when she missed her mom the most. Although they hadn't always seen eye to eye, she always had the best advice.

"Tell Kendall whatever it is you should tell him," Sarah said. "You wouldn't be able to recognize it, but he's perked up considerably since you got here."

Lucy ducked her head. "I don't know about that," she mumbled. She couldn't have possibly made _that_ much of a difference. Besides, she's had to almost drag every word he's said out of him.

The two lapsed into a comfortable silence until Claire finished her bath and she and Kendall returned to the kitchen. Sarah stood up.

"Well," she said, "I have a few scarves waiting that aren't going to knit themselves."

Kendall was helping Claire into her seat. "You don't want any pizza?"

"No, I'm still full from the picnic. Be a dear and save me some, though."

Claire secure, Kendall walked over and held the door open for her. "Will do," he told her. "Have a good night."

"Bye Sarah," Lucy called.

"Bye Sarah!" Claire echoed her.

"Goodnight girls."

When she was gone, Kendall returned to the table and opened the top pizza box. "Shall we?"

Lucy crinkled her nose when she saw the contents of the box. "What is that?"

Kendall shared a meaningful look with Claire. "Did I not tell you she'd complain?"

The three year old giggled.

To Lucy Kendall said, "A veggie pizza. But since I knew you'd make that face," he lifted the box, revealing another, "I got you pepperoni.

Lucy's face split into a grin. "My hero," she said dramatically as she grabbed a slice.

.:.:.:.

Saturday was dry but overcast, and mainly spent at the grocery store. But that chore didn't go without its amusement.

About halfway through the shopping trip Claire, from her seat in the cart, spotted a box of cookies just within her reach. The toddler snatched the box off of the shelf and held it up to her dad.

"This?" she asked him hopefully.

Kendall took the cookies out of her hands and set them back on the shelf. "We already have cookies at home, Claire," he explained to her.

She seemed to think about that for a second. "Oh," she finally said.

In the next aisle, Claire grabbed the first thing she could reach. "This?"

"We don't need hamburger buns," Kendall said patiently. However, this time after putting the item back he moved the cart away from the shelves enough so Claire couldn't reach anything.

Lucy, who had been watching the whole exchange, smirked mischievously. The poor kid was only trying to help.

When Kendall had his back turned, the rocker snuck forward and handed the toddler the first thing she grabbed off the shelf. She held her index finger up to her lips, hoping Claire would get the message and keep quiet about her sources, and backed up when Kendall turned back to the cart.

"This?" Claire asked him with a giggle as she held up the loaf of rye bread. Behind Kendall's back Lucy stifled a laugh with her hand as he looked at his daughter, at the shelf very much out of her reach, and back, all with a confused expression on his face.

"No, we don't need that," he said after a pause and put the bread back in its spot.

"Oh."

A little further down the aisle, Lucy did it again.

Claire held the box of crackers up to her dad. "This?"

"We already have crackers in the cart, Claire."

"Oh."

It only took a few more times for the toddler to get the trick down pat. Lucy would hand her an item, and she would sit as patiently as she could until Kendall would turn back around. And then Lucy had to try her hardest not to laugh out loud at the increasing confusion on his face. That is, until:

"This?"

"Where are you getting this stuff?!" Kendall asked his daughter in exasperation.

Claire looked over Kendall's shoulder at Lucy, who shook her head vigorously. Looking back at her father, she copied Lucy's action, adding in a massive fit of giggles. But Kendall had seen her gaze shift and turned around. Lucy grinned sheepishly as his eyes lit up with understanding.

"It's like taking _two_ three year olds to the store," he grumbled good naturedly as he turned around to continue down the aisle.

Lucy kept pace with him and laughed. "We had you going for a bit there, didn't we Claire?"

Claire began to giggle once again.

"But tag teaming me, Luce?" Kendall replied, "That's not fair."

The rocker felt a small thrill of happiness at his use of the nickname. She continued to laugh. "You should have seen your face."

Kendall rolled his eyes, but Lucy kept looking at him with a full-on smirk until the stern façade cracked into a smile and he laughed. Granted it lacked any real power, but it was still genuine and caused Lucy to pause.

Her mischievous smirk slowly melted into a soft smile. There was the guy she knew.

Kendall wrinkled his nose and lifted an eyebrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked her.

Lucy shook her head, the smile being replaced by a smirk once more, though her brown eyes remained soft. "You're laughing," she stated simply. "You haven't laughed for real since I got here."

Kendall shrugged self-consciously, but held her gaze. "There hasn't been much to laugh about," he replied.

Lucy looked away and didn't reply, and they continued shopping. She longed to contradict him. _There has been plenty to laugh about,_ she wanted to say, _but you've been determined to ignore it all._ However what the rocker didn't want was to start up an argument and ruin the mood. Because there he was, smiling and laughing and telling her to keep up, all in that patented Kendall Knight mood that she hadn't seen in years. Lucy was just now realizing exactly how much she missed it.

.:.:.:.

"No, seriously. Dinosaur chicken nuggets?"

Kendall flicked Lucy a smirk as he pulled his dark blue Jeep Liberty into the driveway. "I got them for Claire," he defended himself.

"You bought three boxes," she countered.

"You can never have enough Dino Nuggets."

One look at the raised-eyebrow expression on his face and Lucy was laughing. Claire giggled with her, even though she probably didn't know what exactly was so funny. The humor was apparently contagious because, although quietly, Kendall joined in the laughter.

Lucy didn't mind the hesitation in his actions, if it meant he was beginning to act like his old self. _He has to start somewhere,_ she thought happily.

"How about you get Claire," Kendall told Lucy once the car was off, "and I'll start bringing in the groceries." He still wore a grin when he got out of the car, and Lucy saw no reason to erase her own.

"Fine," she bantered, "but I don't remember drawing straws." She got out of the passenger side and opened a back door to get to Claire's car seat. The toddler was already struggling with the buckles in an attempt to free herself.

"Whoa, slow down, rockstar," Lucy laughed, coming to the rescue. With two simple clicks Claire was free. "There."

Claire squealed. "Horsey ride!" She stood on the seat and held her arms out with a cheshire grin.

Lucy couldn't say no. The toddler looked like she was having the best day of her life. Which, judging by how her father was acting, probably wasn't a far stretch. Lucy herself hadn't laughed this much in a while.

"Alright, kid, hop on." Lucy turned around just in time. She let out a comic 'oomph' when Claire landed on her back and staggered dramatically before 'regaining' her balance. "You ready?" she asked a giggling Claire.

After another giggle and a nod, Lucy headed toward the apartment, making all kinds of horse noises. The climb up the stairs was a bit of a challenge due to Claire rocking back and forth, tickled pink by Lucy's whinny, but the rocker managed it. On the landing, Lucy brought Claire through the open door to the apartment just as the house phone began to ring. Kendall, right at the counter, immediately picked it up. Even without looking at him, she could still hear a smile in Kendall's voice when he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

Lucy wasn't able to make out any of the words coming from the receiver. She was about to lower the toddler to the ground when Kendall spoke again, his voice no longer holding any scrap of humor or warmth.

"Jo?"


	6. Not Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O Look! The next chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. And I'm starting to feel redundant...
> 
> \- Shadow

" _Jo?"_

Lucy turned around in time to see the color drain from Kendall's face. The look in his green eyes would have made her think he'd been struck by a physical blow, if she hadn't known the truth. That it was just the reflection of the pain from the stitches being forcibly torn out of his half-mended heart.

He held her gaze through an immeasurable span of time. Lucy's returning stare was brimming with worry as she unconsciously clutched Claire a little tighter to her back. This was _not_ going to be good.

"I'm still here," Kendall said into the phone in a broken voice. His head drooped and he broke eye contact with Lucy. She watched as he practically slunk down the hall to his room and closed the door.

The rocker flinched when the door shut, concern written over every tense muscle in her body. "That whore causes nothing but problems," she growled out loud.

Claire, still on Lucy's back, began to squirm. "That whore," the toddler echoed once she was on the ground.

Lucy's eyes widened. "No Claire," she scolded sternly while silently chastising herself. "That's a very bad word. We don't say that."

Claire looked up at her with a shocked expression, her mouth forming a large 'O'. She covered her face with her hands. "You saided it too," she whispered, peeking through her fingers. "We're gonna gets in trouble by daddy."

The rocker crouched down to her level, her face carrying a mask of mild amusement, "Let me tell you a secret," she whispered. "Everyone makes mistakes once in a while. Let's just be sure it doesn't happen again, okay?"

Claire dropped her hands with a smile. "Pinky promise?" she asked almost shyly, holding out a hand, her tiny pinky extended.

Lucy hooked it with one of her own. "Pinky promise. No more bad words." She stood up. "Now come on, let's put the groceries away for your daddy."

Claire let go of Lucy's pinky to grab her hand. "We gotta put the milk 'way first," she informed her, pulling her towards the kitchen.

Lucy gave a noncommittal "Mm-hm" in response and began putting the food away. The task, however, only held onto the lesser part of her attention. A substantially bigger portion was concentrating on trying to overhear the phone conversation down the hall. Only snippets of Kendall's words drifted from the bedroom, and Lucy barely recognized his voice when she could make anything out.

It only took one more trip to get the rest of the groceries from the car. Claire did her best to help and brought up the case of paper towels, or at least tried to. It was dropped a few times, but managed to get to the apartment in one piece. In the kitchen, Lucy froze when she realized that the bedroom down the hall was silent. Her hand hovered halfway to the cupboard, the last item in it waiting to be put away. She bit her lip before abruptly shoving the box of crackers on its shelf. Lucy tried to not slam the cupboard door, but wasn't as successful as she would have liked.

She couldn't help it. She was kind of mad.

"Stay here, Claire," she told the toddler sitting on the kitchen floor. She was entertaining herself by coloring on one of the discarded paper grocery bags. "I'm going to go and check on your dad."

The three year old nodded. "I'm colouring daddy a picture so him can be happy," she explained to Lucy.

Lucy smiled wanly and turned toward the hall, treading to Kendall's bedroom quietly as she tried to think of what she was going to say. She decided that getting his attention was a good start, so she knocked on the door.

"Kendall?"

There was no response. Lucy tried to turn the knob, but it was looked and the door remained impassive.

"Open up, Kendall. What happened? Talk to me." Silence met her words, so she added, "Please?" But that was the extent of her asking. She wasn't going to beg.

A few heartbeats later, Lucy narrowed her eyes. "Fine," she growled, her voice hard. If he wanted to shut her out, she'd let him. She wasn't going to push herself into a place she wasn't wanted.

The rocker let out a lengthy sigh as she returned to the main living area. "So Claire," she put a smile on her face for the benefit of the little girl, "what are you drawing?"

.:.:.:.

An hour and a stack of now very colourful paper bags later, Lucy and Claire looked up to find Kendall standing in the entrance to the hallway. His face was carefully blank, and his eyes were red and puffy. Lucy wondered how long he'd been standing there. She made to stand, but Kendall shook his head, motioning for her to stay.

"Can you make sure Claire gets to bed by eight?" he asked in a choked voice. "I need to get out of here for a bit."

Lucy could only settle back down and nod defeatedly, internally wincing at his clearly visible pain. She wanted so much to help, hating seeing him hurt, but didn't want to push or pry.

Claire, however, jumped to her feet and rushed over to her dad, blonde hair bouncing into her face. She held up the paper bag she had been colouring on so her dad could see.

"Look daddy!" she said excitedly. "I made a picture!"

Kendall crouched down and looked at the drawing. It was as elaborate as a three year old could make it, and actually quite an impressive interpretation of the apartment's kitchen, but Lucy could tell that he wasn't really seeing it.

"That's really pretty, Claire," he praised, his voice pitching a bit. "I have to go. Be good for Lucy. I'll be back later."

Claire frowned and wrapped her arms tightly around Kendall's neck. He hugged her back briefly before the toddler pulled away and retreated back to the kitchen and Lucy's side.

Kendall stood up and cleared his throat before grabbing his jacket and leaving.

Lucy looked at Claire once the front door closed behind him. "Why don't you show me your picture?"

The toddler's smile lit up her whole face. She crawled into Lucy's lap and flattened out the crayon drawing. "This is the house," she began before pointing out and naming various appliances she drew. Lucy praised her and asked about some of the things, commenting on the colors occasionally, and all around just trying to not think about Kendall, or what he was doing.

But she couldn't help but worry.

"And this is you," Claire broke through her thoughts.

Lucy looked down to see the toddler pointing to a blob with arms, legs, and what she assumed to be her black and red hair. "Am I really that fat?" she asked teasingly, poking Claire in the ribs.

Claire squirmed and giggled. "No." She drew out the word sheepishly. She pointed to two more blobs on the other side of the 'room'. One was bigger than the other, but they both had gigantic matching grins. "That's me and daddy," she explained. "We're smiling."

Lucy examined the drawing more closely. "I see that. Why are you two smiling?" she inquired.

Claire pointed back to the 'Lucy' blob. "'cause you gotted here," she replied innocently, turning her head to look up at the real Lucy.

The rocker tapped Claire's nose gently with an index finger and crinkled her own. "Is that so?" She downplayed the whole thing and ignored the warm feeling that spread through her chest at the three year old's words.

Claire giggled again. "Mm-hm!"

.:.:.:.

Lucy turned over in the empty queen-sized bed. Again. She settled on her stomach and looked at the clock.

1:48

Only three minutes since the last time she had checked the time.

Lucy rested her chin on her hands, trying to trace the wood grain texture of the headboard with her eyes in the dark. It was impossible, and the task wasn't doing what she had intended it to do anyway.

She was still worrying about Kendall, even though she was well aware that he was a grown man and could take care of himself. Lucy just wasn't sure if his judgment could be exactly trusted at this point, though.

He hadn't taken the car, which was a good thing.

He _had_ taken his phone, also a good thing.

But the one time Lucy had tried to call him, she found that it was off. That? Not as good.

Lucy let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes. It hurt her to see Kendall hurting. She'd give anything to take Jo out of his life and get rid of the pain.

Lucy smirked ruefully as she felt a twinge of her own pain. The familiar sensation of an old heartbreak began to creep in once again, and she tried in vain to push it away. There was no point, though, and she knew that. But she tried anyway.

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut tighter and tried to think of something else. Anything else. Song lyrics? She got through the first verse of her favorite song before giving up because it reminded her of him.

The rocker switched tactics and was halfway through her sixes in the times tables when she was jolted out of all thought by the ringtone of her phone. Lucy's eyes shot open and she reached for the device, pausing long enough to read the name 'Kendall' as it flashed up on the screen before hitting the answer button and bringing it up to her ear.

"Kendall, you had better have a good reason for not being home yet," she growled into her receiver.

"Well I got the right person, then," replied a familiar gruff voice that wasn't Kendall's. "This is Greg from Greg's Bar. Kendall told me to call this number when he passes out."

Lucy groaned and sat up, running her free hand down her face. "And let me guess…"

"Out like a light," Greg finished.

Lucy sighed. "Alright. I'll come pick him up."

"Good," was Greg's only reply before the line went dead.

Lucy dropped her cell on the bed and massaged her temples. Well, at least he was safe. As safe as someone can be when they're passed out drunk and lined up to receive a hangover of dramatic proportions, that is.

The rocker got up and pulled a pair of dark gray sweat pants out of her bag and tugged them on over her cotton shorts. She figured her black t-shirt would be pas presentable as needed for a bar at two in the morning, so she combed her red-streaked black hair into a messy ponytail with her fingers and threw her sneakers on without bothering to tie up the laces. Lucy then tiptoed to Claire's room across the hall, attempting to not wake her up. She had gone to bed so good for Lucy, and she'd hate to wreck that good note.

She carefully collected the sleeping toddler into her arms, sure to grab Claire's red blankie as well because heaven forbid she wake up without that.

"It's okay, Claire," Lucy hushed when she started to stir. "you're going to spend the rest of the night at Sarah's. I have to go pick up your idiot father."

Lucy grabbed the keys to Kendall's jeep from their hook next to the door and left the apartment. Lucky for her, Sarah answered the door almost as soon as she knocked. Lucy heard the muted hum of the tv from another room.

"Can you take her for the rest of the night?" Lucy asked quietly. "I have to go and try to shove some sense into _someone_."

"Where is he?" She asked, concerned.

"Greg's."

Sarah nodded in understanding. "Of course," she said, taking Claire. A tight smile graced the older woman's lips. "I'd rather have this task than yours."

Lucy gave her own tight smile in return. "Wouldn't we all?" She turned away and headed outside.

The drive there was just a zig and a zag, and in no time Lucy was pulling the blue jeep liberty into a spot next to her black camaro. She glanced at her car in a brief check-over before walking into the bar. It wasn't as busy as it had been last Saturday, but Kendall would have been just as easy to spot even if it had been.

Lucy grimaced. He didn't look like he belonged here. Even slumped over the bar and hugging a shot glass.

The rocker waved at Greg, who just nodded, and walked over to Kendall. When she shook his shoulders he just groaned, but didn't budge.

"Oh no," Lucy scolded him, putting a bit more force behind her push, "you can groan and complain when you get the hangover that's coming your way."

Kendall, awake enough to attempt to resist her shoving, blundered his way off of his barstool. Lucy grabbed his arm to steady him and took the lead back out to the car. He stumbled behind her blearily, but managed to stay upright.

Barely.

Getting him in, and then out, of the car took longer than the actual drive back. Lucy was just glad that Kendall did what she asked to the extent that he could. The rocker felt that any resistance from him would be met with a slap from her.

The stairs leading up to his apartment was a challenge all their own, but it was managed with a lot of cursing and stumbling. Lucy hadn't bothered to lock the door, so it was easy to open even with almost all of Kendall's unsteady weight on top of her.

In the apartment, Lucy had one destination in mind. She, not to gracefully, drug him through the main area, down the hall, and into the bathroom where she, not to gracefully, deposited him into the bathtub.

Lucy pulled his shoes off and tossed them out into the hall (because trying to dry sneakers was a pain in the ass) before turning the cold water on full blast. She pulled the pin that would turn on the shower head and stepped back. There was no way _she_ was getting wet.

From her spot in the doorway, arms folded and eyes narrowed disapprovingly, Lucy felt s small twinge of satisfaction when Kendall jumped from the torrent of icy water.


	7. Not a Fairy Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took longer to upload ^.^" I just recently got a new puppy, and she's been taking up almost all my attention. You guys have no idea how much my hand's been just itching to write T-T But I've made up the long wait with a bit longer chapter... Sorry if there's a few mundane mistakes. You can bring them to my attention if you want. I'll go through and fix them when I have a chance.
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR? Not mine.
> 
> \- Shadow

Kendall coughed when water got up his nose. The chill of it instantly sunk into his chest, causing more sputtering. He tried to sit up, slid back down into the tub, then tried again. The fourth time he was successful.

Blinking water out of his gritty eyes, Kendall looked around in an attempt to figure out where he was. His mind might be fuzzy, but he didn't remember going into any bathroom. Let alone his own.

Lucy watched him silently. The water might not have made him any more sober, but it made her feel better. Kendall finally came around to noticing her, and she decided to speak up.

"Awake yet?"

Kendall rubbed a hand down his face. "Was't really necessary?" His words might have been a bit slurred, but he still managed to pull of the pissed off tone perfectly.

Lucy just leaned against the door frame, making herself ignore the venom in his words. "Probably not. Made me feel better, though."

He tried to get up but only managed to flail his arms and make himself feel nauseous. Lucy raised a slender eyebrow in amusement at his upside down turtle impression, but made no move to help.

With a sigh of defeat, Kendall stopped his attempts at standing and instead focused on not getting sick by leaning his head back against the wall. "Can you 'least turn off the water?" he asked, his voice hard like he refused to let the fight to drain out of him. Or like he wanted to start one.

Lucy lifted her hands in surrender, trying to keep her tone light. No way was she getting dragged into a fight with him. "Hey, I'm not going near you. You're lucky I got you home. You reek of self loathing and tequila. And not even the good kind."

"There's a good kind of self loathing?" Kendall's face was scrunched as his alcohol-encumbered mind tried to process her words. It made his thick eyebrows really take over his face, and Lucy found herself smiling.

"I mean the good kind of tequila," she corrected, erasing her grin and replacing it once again with a disapproving glare.

Kendall groaned and closed his eyes. "Ish cold," he mumbled.

"What did you expect?" Lucy shot back irritably. "I wasn't going to draw you a warm bubble bath."

He didn't respond, but he did begin to shiver. Lucy watched his discomfort for a moment before cursing her weakness and moving to shut the water off. She sighed and sat on the side of the tub as the faucet dripped to a stop.

"You really do smell," she said after a while.

Kendall opened his eyes just enough to look at her. They reflected a harsh kind of light that she wasn't used to seeing in them. "At least I'm not a heinous bitch… Spraying water on people."

Lucy flinched at the acid dripping off of his words. She turned away, reminding herself that this wasn't him. Something was wrong with the man she knew, and he needed her help. However, she'd dealt with enough drunken men to recognize her cue to leave. "Yes, at least you're not that," she said flatly. The rocker stood up, not bothering to look at Kendall. "I put your pajamas on the sink there. I'm going to sleep on the couch. We'll talk when you're sober." Her entire mini-speech was delivered tonelessly, and Lucy couldn't help but feel proud of herself. There was a noise of protest as she left, but she didn't turn around. The door slammed shut.

Lucy went to the bedroom, grabbed a pillow and blanket off the bed, and tossed them on the couch. And then she stood there for a minute, arms crossed, mad at herself.

Because she couldn't shrug off her concern, even through the sting of his words.

"Damnit," she growled quietly.

What was she going to do?

 _Not_ help him?

Lucy ran a hand down her face before tugging at her hair on her way to the kitchen. She grabbed a large glass from the cupboard and filled it with cold water, then moved back to the bedroom and placed it on Kendall's nightstand. He'd better not say that she's never done anything for him.

Heinous bitch, indeed.

Back in the living room, Lucy shed the sweat pants and plopped on the couch, more comfortable in her cotton shorts. She leaned back on her pillow heavily, able to lay there peacefully long enough to know something was going to disrupt the quiet.

As if the universe could hear her thoughts, her phone vibrated in the pocket of her discarded pants, indicating it received a text. Lucy let out a silent groan. She rolled over and reached for her sweat pants, refusing to get off the couch. Eventually her fingers snagged on a leg, allowing her to pull the pants close enough to fish her phone out of the pocket.

The term _that was more trouble than it's worth_ ran through her head when she finally got the device. Rearranging herself back on the couch, Lucy opened the message. The bright light forced her to squint as she looked at the screen.

_**-How goes phase 2?** _

Lucy groaned. _Definitely_ more trouble than it's worth.

 _ **-3 in the morning? Really?**_ she typed back.

The reply was almost immediate. - _ **Yeah, well it's midnight here so stop complaining.**_

Lucy made an empty gesture at her phone, exasperated. - _ **Why are you texting me then?!**_

- _ **… I was bored.**_

Letting out a deep breath, Lucy lifted her phone again. - _ **'Phase 2' was going great.**_ she typed out.

_**-Was?** _

_**-That's what I said.** _

_**-Why was?** _

Lucy cringed. - _ **Jo called. And then everything kind of escalated. Quickly.**_

_**-Bad?** _

_**-Very.** _

There was a longer span of time between her reply and his. Then all she got was, - _ **Yeah, well…**_

Lucy yawned, whishing this conversation could draw to a close. She wanted to get some sleep. No situation looked good from any angle at three in the morning. Mulling over what to reply, an idea hit her. - _ **How's your girlfriend?**_ she asked with a sly smile. That was sure to end the conversation.

The rocker locked her phone and set it on the end table by her head before burrowing her face into her pillow. Minutes passed by and Lucy was _this_ close to falling asleep when her cell buzzed again, vibrating the whole end table.

Lucy's eyes shot open and she practically growled. She snatched her phone up and opened the message.

_**Kendall put you up to this DIDN'T HE?!** _

Lucy rolled her eyes. - _ **He doesn't even know I actively keep in touch with you. You're safe. Can I go to sleep now?**_

_**-Whatever. Can't you just like kiss him and make him better?** _

Lucy stiffened. She chose the words in her reply carefully, hoping to convey the force she wanted to put behind it. _**You listen to me. 1) this is not a fairy tale. This is real life. A kiss won't fix him. 2) I agreed to help AS A FRIEND. That's it. I'm not going there with him. Not again. 3) End of story.**_

She mashed the send button, refusing to let any emotion besides determination roll around her head after the text. When the reply came, it wasn't what she expected him to say at all.

_**Lucy, that was YEARS ago. When we were all practically kids.** _

Lucy was speechless. Or typeless, seeing as actually saying something wasn't necessary. Her grip tightened on her phone unconsciously as her whole body tensed with irritation. From that, it wasn't a surprise at all when her instant reaction to something moving was to chuck her phone at it out of pure frustration.

And the something that moved just happened to be Kendall, fresh showered, pajamas on, but still drunk.

He stumbled a step backwards when Lucy's phone smashed against the wall next to his head. It bounced off in three different directions and the screen was most likely cracked, but Lucy couldn't bring herself to care at the moment. She glared at him and seethed, unsure where her anger should be directed right now.

All she wanted was some sleep. Was that too much to ask? _Apparently_ , she silently quipped to herself.

"Lucy-" Kendall began, his voice thick.

Lucy cut him off. "Go to bed, Kendall." She tried to not let her irritation leak into her words. She was mostly successful.

"But I-"

"No." Lucy refused to let him speak. "I said we'll talk when you're sober. You're still far from sober."

Kendall's face hardened. Lucy took a deep, bracing breath, preparing for him to start a screaming match or tell her to leave.

To her surprise, he did neither. Instead, Kendall turned around and went to his room. The door might have been closed a bit harder than necessary, but at least it wasn't an argument. Lucy would take what she could get at this point.

And she hoped she could _get_ some sleep.

With a half-growl that turned into a sigh, Lucy nuzzled back into her pillow, trying very hard to think of nothing.

.:.:.:.

"Come on Claire, we have to pack you an overnight bag."

Kendall lifted his head from his hands. It felt heavier than it should, and full of enough down to make a new pillow, but the noise and light didn't hurt like it had this morning.

When he had woken up he could barely open his eyes to check the time, even with the blinds drawn. He had laid there for what seemed like ever with his pillow over his pounding head. When he could stand the light, as dim as it was due to the pre-storm cloud cover outside, it was 11:26. He had noticed that the glass of water next to his clock, the one he could have sworn he had emptied last night, was once again full and sitting in a small puddle of condensation.

Kendall looked at the glass now, empty once again, like the coffee mug beside it. When he had dragged himself out of bed he found the apartment empty, but the coffeepot was keeping warm the strongest pot of coffee he had ever tasted. He drank it, ignoring the extreme bitterness. It had cleared his head, if only minimally.

He didn't have to wonder too much about who did those things, he just couldn't really believe it. His memories from last night were a little fuzzy (if by 'a little' he meant 'a lot') but he did remember being a jackass. And almost getting brained by Lucy's phone.

Sitting on the corner of his bed right now, he couldn't imagine why Lucy would still take care of him.

Her voice drifted into his focus once again.

"I don't think you can wear a t-shirt with a dress Claire. What about the shirt and these pants?"

Kendall _wanted_ to laugh at that. He really did. He could picture this turning into a heated debate; Claire and Lucy both like getting their way. But as his guard fell a wave of heartache hit him without warning, allowing the memory of the phone conversation from yesterday to rush in.

..

" _Kendall, I want to see my daughter."_

_Her demand caught him off guard. "Your- what?"_

" _And I want to talk to you. In person."_

"… _what?" What did she expect him to say? What did she expect him to do?_

" _I miss Claire and you don't have any right to keep her from me," she commanded._

_Kendall's voice came out strangled and choked. "Like hell I don't."_

" _Kendall… can we just talk about this? I miss her." Jo's tone softened. "I miss both of you."_

..

The conversation had ended with him agreeing to think about it. Except he's been doing a pretty good job of doing anything but.

The memory held his attention through the rest of Lucy and Claire's conversation. He tuned in just in time to hear the apartment door close behind them as the left. Kendall wondered why Claire needed an overnight bag, but didn't worry too much past that. He trusted Lucy. Besides, with how he's acted lately, he wants her as far from him as possible, too.

The apartment door opened again, letting in a single set of booted footsteps. Assuming they belonged to Lucy, she had most likely sent Claire to spend the night with Sarah. Away from him.

Kendall winced as a thought struck him.

 _Maybe_ he should go out and apologize.

He was just about to brace himself to stand up when a light knock on his bedroom door caused him to pause.

"Kendall, you up?"

At Lucy's voice he abruptly stood up and tried to answer at the same time. Which, as it turns out, was a mistake. A ripple of vertigo shot through him, turning his 'yeah' into more of a "Y-mph."

There was a drawn out beat of silence and, once the room stopped spinning, Kendall wondered if he should open the door. It was still locked from when he had gotten dressed earlier, having pulled a pair of blue jeans and a dark blue t-shirt on because he had felt weird in his pjs at one in the afternoon.

However the decision was made for him when Lucy spoke again. "Come out here when you get a chance. We need to talk about… this. We can't just let it go." Her voice seemed stiff, and Kendall felt a moment of irrational fear for his life. An ominous crash of thunder rumbled in the distance as if in punctuation.

He waited for her footsteps to retreat back down the hall before going to his gym bag and fishing through his hockey gear. It took a bit of detangling, but he managed to pull out what he was looking for.

.:.:.:.

Lucy, sitting on the couch and trying to decide between the mood of mad and sympathetic, looked up as Kendall's bedroom door opened slowly. When he stepped out, the rocker kept a straight face for all of six seconds.

Entering the living room, one cautious step after the other, Kendall raised his hands in surrender. But what caused Lucy to cover her mouth and laugh was the fact that he hand donned his hockey helmet, complete with face guard.

He wore a fearful expression, probably staged but you never know, and said, "Okay, let's talk."

Lucy tried to stop laughing, but she couldn't help it. It was just completely something he would do to quell the tension. The only thing missing was him laughing along with her.

However, Kendall's lips didn't even twitch. He took off the helmet since the apparent threat was tamed and the crisis was averted. He moved toward the couch, holding the helmet to his chest.

Lucy watched him plop down listlessly next to her, her mood making a decision and settling on sympathy. She really wanted to know what Jo had said to him to set him back so far. Then again, maybe it was just the fact that she had said anything in the first place.

She had no idea what words she could say to comfort him. Sure, she's been through some pretty bad breakups, but never has she been married. She can only imagine the pain of putting the two together. But she had to say something.

Claire. She figured talking about Claire was safe.

"I have Claire staying with Sarah tonight," she told him. "I didn't know how much your head still hurt."

In the middle of that last sentence, her phone in her back pocket vibrated with a text message. (After she hunted down the pieces and put it back together, the only damage was indeed a broken screen.) Lucy ignored it for now.

As a response to her words, Kendall turned his head away. They both knew her excuse was just that, but he seemed even more so put out.

Lucy bit her lip. Apparently Claire wasn't a safe topic. The rocker was at a complete loss.

The space between them was filled with a tense silence. After a while, Lucy figured she mine as well check her message.

The text, sent from an unknown number, was short and to the point.

_**Heard you had a setback. I'd suggest a walk. –KK** _


	8. It's Raining, It's Pouring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So between writing this chapter, Big Time Rush being over, Jucy and Jendall canon, and mother nature apparently wanting me to SUFFER, I have been crying. Like, sobbing. Non-stop. Since Thursday. I'd appreciate a hug right about now.  
> P.S. - My mother does not understand my feels and was teasing me about Jucy. WRONG MOVE.
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR is not mine.
> 
> \- Shadow

At first she hadn't understood Katie's text. Not fully. It seemed too simple. What could a walk do? But she was his sister and has known him all her life. So jackets were donned and Lucy and Kendall went out despite the angry-gray sky.

After only five minutes, she began to see what the younger woman had meant. It was Kendall who broke the tense silence between them.

"I'm sorry for… all of- everything."

The rocker looked up at him, hoping those weren't rain drops that she felt on her face. "Define 'everything'," she retorted cheekily.

"Mainly last night," he replied, not meeting her gaze. "You don't deserve any of what I said as a general rule, but especially not after all you've done for Claire and me."

Lucy sighed. "It wasn't anything I couldn't handle," she told him like last night hadn't bothered her. _Or at least nothing that hadn't happened to me before,_ she added to herself.

Kendall grew quiet again, and Lucy let him brood in silence. Though she ached to help him, she knew he was too stubborn to accept it if she tried to force his problems out in the open. Instead she looked around.

Their walk so far had led them to the park. It looked very different at night, dark and empty. There wasn't even a touch of moonlight, thanks to the blanket of threatening storm clouds hanging over their heads. The smudge of black bordering two sides of the park loosely resembled the tree line that it actually was, and looked suspiciously like it could be hiding all sorts of nasty things. Luckily, they weren't heading that way.

Not that Lucy was _scared_ , of course.

From their spot along the sidewalk between the park and the road, the sandbox looked like a bottomless pit and the swings seemed horror-movie ominous. The jungle gym cast a shadow that resembled a gigantic monster, and the slide stood alone, like ti was waiting to pounce.

All and all, the rocker thought it looked pretty cool.

From here.

Kendall's voice brought her attention back to him, though with the haunted glow in his eyes he looked just as dark as the park.

"I'm sorry for not being there." His voice sounded somewhere between a rasp and choked. Maybe a little bit of both.

A few questions leapt to Lucy's tongue, the main one being _What are you talking about?_ but she swallowed them back and forced herself to let him explain things at his own pace.

At least a minute passed before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend." He ran a hand through his hair. "We haven't talked since… ever. I didn't even know your parents died."

He sounded so distraught that Lucy couldn't do anything but try to comfort him. "Kendall, it's okay. I haven't exactly been good at keeping up with you, either." She bumped her shoulder against his. "It's whatever. You had your own life going on."

Kendall let out a harsh, short laugh that held no humor at all. "Yeah, my own life. See how good that went?"

The question was obviously rhetorical, but that didn't stop Lucy from searching for an answer. She bit her lip when she couldn't find one. Not one that would satisfy him, at least.

They were leaving the park and approaching a part of town with working street lights. As they passed under each one, the raw pain on Kendall's face was illuminated and had Lucy wishing they were back in the dark.

"I wasn't even aware there was a problem." He practically whispered the words. Lucy had to move a step closer to even hear him. "It's like, one day things were going fine, and the next… everything was _wrong._ "

A rumble of thunder almost drowned out his voice as it pitched and cracked, but the rocker heard it and recognized it immediately for what it was:

the cracks in the damn before everything let loose.

"Some people are… inconsiderate," she tried, wanting to sooth the situation, but Kendall wasn't going to have any of her reasoning. Maybe it was better that he let it all out, anyway.

"I loved her," he continued. "I loved her, and asked her to marry me. She said yes… we were married, Lucy. _Married_! That means she loved me too, right? It means something. It has to." His voice was ravaged with desperation. He was trying to make sense out of his life as it quickly unraveled around him. "Then we had Clarissa. The most perfect little girl in the world. And Jo- She just- threw it all away. Like it was nothing. Like… we… meant nothing."

They stopped walking and Kendall found Lucy's gaze. He held onto it with his own like he was going to lose himself if he let go. She put up a confident mask and did her best to not let the helplessness she felt inside show in her eyes. But halfway through his frenzied speech thick tears had begun to roll down his face and that, added together with his shredded voice, shattered Lucy's heart into pieces.

"I feel so broken," he admitted, his voice raspy. "I don't know what to do. I- I keep thinking 'Tomorrow. Tomorrow things will be better.' But they never are. It just gets worse and I'm- I'm so _numb_ or- or frozen or something. I hurt _all the time,_ but I can't do anything about it, I don't know what- I- I have no idea-"

Lucy took a step forward and wrapped Kendall in a tight hug, hoping she hadn't overstepped some boundary. Because she had to do something or she'd start crying too, which wouldn't help either of them.

At first the only part of Kendall that moved was his shoulders as they silently shook. Lucy held onto him tightly though, and it was only a moment before he returned the hug, folding his arms around her waist and burying his face against her shoulder. He began to sob in earnest.

"Oh Kendall," the rocker whispered. "When did our lives get so out of our control?" The only answer she got was the wet feeling of hot tears on her neck. Lucy rubbed his back rhythmically and offered him quiet murmurs that were most likely ignored, but she liked to think they helped.

His sobs eventually slowed to enough of a stopping point that she thought he'd be able to consciously listen to full sentences. She pulled back a bit and pressed her lips to his temple as a gesture of comfort. _Which is something a friend would do,_ she reasoned with herself.

"Kendall," she said, using her voice and a hand to turn his head. His focus was iffy, but it was focus none the less. Tear tracks stained his cheeks, and his eyes reflected every last bit of pain that was held in his heart. "I know you're hurting." Her tone was soft. "You don't know how much I wish I could take it all away. But I can't."

Kendall closed his eyes at her blunt words. Lucy waited until he opened them again to continue. "However, what I can do is help. I can help you work through this, get past it… I _want_ to help, Kendall. Everybody who cares about you wants to help." She smacked him on the head fondly. "You're just too stubborn to let us."

The sky growled over their heads, but Lucy and Kendall ignored it.

"I don't want to have to watch anyone else leave," Kendall replied in a barely audible hush. Lucy finally understood the root of the problem.

Jo hadn't only broken him down; she seemed to have made sure the pieces were scattered enough that they were unable to put themselves back into place.

Not helping him wasn't an option any more, not that it was one to begin with, but the pain she felt for him made the decision that much more potent.

"I'm not leaving," she told him firmly. "You're stuck with me. You're my best friend, Kendall, even if we both suck at keeping in touch. I want to help. Part of that though is making sure you're trying to help yourself."

"How do I do that?" he wanted to know, pleading with her. "How do I fix this?" He gripped her forearms, trying to save himself from drowning. "If you have any ideas, please share. Because I'm all out."

Lucy forced a small smile to surface on her face. "Just be yourself. Have fun. You had a life before Jo, remember? Do what you used to do." His vice-like grip loosened. "Fight with the guys. Talk to your sister. Play your guitar. Destroy a hotel lobby." She laughed to herself. "You do those things, any of them, and I _swear_ it'll get easier. Maybe not better, but easier."

Kendall's green eyes searched her brown ones. Lucy wondered if they were looking for the truth behind her words, or hunting for lies. She held his stare steadily, letting him search, wanting to convey her honesty with every fiber of her being.

"And I'll be here as long as you need me," she added, not caring about the obligations behind that promise.

Kendall pulled away after a while, and Lucy couldn't figure out if he found what he wanted or not. "Let's get back before the storm starts," he said after a particularly loud peal of thunder crashed over their heads. The words themselves sounded distant, but his tone was calmer than it's been in a while.

"If it isn't already here," Lucy shot back, looking towards the sky. The large, cold raindrops proved her tone as the only thing that was dry.

And as usual, when it rains, it pours.

* * *


	9. Much Needed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 9 guys. I'm sorry it was a bit delayed, but I got a puppy and have been up at ungodly hours tending to her. It's like having a kid, but you can legally smack it on the nose with a newspaper when she does something bad :P Anyway, all my free time has been either spent with her or spent getting my stuff ready for college. (I'm going the 22nd and am currently unsure if I'm more nervous or excited.) But I finally got this done and ready for you guys ^-^ Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer - BTR belongs not to one of us exclusively, but all of the Rushers who hold the guys dear in their hearts :'3 (Oh my gawd that was sappy X/ BTR's not mine, guys.)
> 
> \- Shadow

By the time they got back to the apartment, Kendall and Lucy were both thoroughly soaked and freezing. Though Lucy couldn't complain too much. The rain had washed away Kendall's tearstains and, she hoped, most of the bad feelings that had caused them.

"That's the last time I let you drag me on a walk," she told him, her teasing lost in her chattering teeth. The rocker had her arms wrapped around her ribcage, trying to hold in the little scrap of warmth she had left. It did nothing to control her shivering.

Kendall was better off, having been born and raised in much colder weather. "It was your idea," he retorted as he closed the door. He shook his hair out of his face, scattering water droplets everywhere.

"Stop!" she squealed, darting away from him. They were dripping on the kitchen floor, and Lucy's never been so cold in her life. "I'm going to take a hot shower," she informed him, "and I'm not getting out until I can feel my toes."

She stuck her nose in the air dramatically, refusing to respond to his reply of "save me some hot water" as she walked away. In the bathroom, Lucy leaned against the closed door, ignoring the cold for a second. She wasn't sure if she felt like she should smile or break down in tears herself. Her emotions wouldn't make up their mind.

What just happened, it had seemed like it hurt him, but Kendall had opened up to her. Granted it took a stroll in a thunderstorm and the two of them getting soaked to the _bone_ , but it happened. The level of trust in her that he has to have to do that, though… it scared her.

But Lucy shook her head, shooing the thoughts away. This wasn't about her, this was about Kendall. Her _friend_. He needed her right now.

 _My trust issues or not,_ the rocker added wryly.

Lucy's teeth started chattering again. She pushed off of the door and began to undress, but she only got as far as peeling off her jacket and shirt before she stopped and groaned. "Lovely," she said out loud, looking at herself in the mirror.

Her hair, heavy from the rain and tossed around in the wind on their walk, had gotten tangled around the thin silver rope chain her father had given her the Christmas before the car accident. "How on earth," she mumbled, pulling on the necklace experimentally. It felt like the entire bottom layer of her hair was mixed in the mess. "That's not going to work." The words came out as a growl as she winced at the pain of pulled hair. She tested it again, gentler, but couldn't get a good enough angle to work on it.

With a second growl, Lucy opened the bathroom door and headed back out to the kitchen. "I'm never going on a walk with you again," she said as she stopped in front of Kendall. Her sentence ended with amusement and a smile crept onto her face at his surprised expression when he turned around to look at her.

She had completely forgotten that she didn't have her shirt on and was standing there in her drenched skinny jeans and black bra. It's not like she wasn't covered though, so she ignored it. Or rather she _will_ ignore it, after she teases him a bit. Because he seriously needed to smile. And a laugh wouldn't hurt either.

"Eyes up here, Kendall," Lucy told him with a coy smirk. Not because he was looking at her boobs, but it made him blush and look flustered as he tried to talk his way out of the corner he thought he was in. Lucy laughed in breathy relief. Underneath all the real-life problems, the Kendall she knew was still there.

"I- I wasn't-" he sputtered, keeping obvious eye contact. Lucy bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing outright a second time.

"I just need help with my necklace," she interrupted, pointing to the bunch of wet hair and jewelry at the back of her neck. "I have like half my hair twisted in it." The rocker turned around and moved the hair that wasn't tangled to the side in a silent invitation for his help.

Kendall recovered quickly. "That's not half of your hair," he said in an almost argumentative tone as he stepped forward to get a better look.

Lucy, glad she's facing away from him, grins. "Yes it is. And it hurts like a bitch." A wave of goosebumps ran over her skin when Kendall's fingers brushed the back of her neck as he began to tease the knots out. Of course they didn't mean anything. They were just because she was not only freezing, but now _shirtless_ and freezing.

"Ow!" she yelped, only jumping so she could move, really. His proximity forced a weird kind of nervous into her stomach, for whatever reason.

"Oh stop," Kendall scoffed, not pausing in his work. "That didn't hurt."

"Did too," the rocker practically pouted.

She didn't see Kendall roll his eyes, but she swore that she felt it.

But still no smile yet. Or laugh.

Silence fell between them as Kendall worked and Lucy tried not to fidget. But it was a comfortable silence on both sides. The air between them was clear for the first time since Lucy had gotten here. Their secrets were out.

Well, most of them.

Lucy wasn't sure about the feeling in her gut when she thought about the fact that she wasn't out there by accident, like Kendall thought. But she pushed it away, instead concentrating on what she felt was her obligation: to make him smile, and maybe laugh, at least once before they went to bed.

That self-assigned duty was put on hold before it could even be planned when the apartment door opened. Sarah paused for a second in the doorway, startled.

"I wondered when you two would be getting home," the nanny commented. Her voice oozed nonchalance, but the sharp gleam in her eyes spoke differently. She moved into the kitchen while Kendall and Lucy remained frozen to the spot. "Don't mind me," Sarah added, "I'll be out of here in a jiffy. Claire wanted her red sippy cup."

The rocker knew how this must look. She had to set Sarah straight.

"We're not-" she started, just as Kendall stammered, "Her necklace-" He realized his hands were still on the back of her neck and pulled them away quickly in the same moment that Lucy took a half a step forward and turned towards him. Both of their faces were flushed.

Sarah shrugged, red cup in hand. The look she gave them was pure teasing. "You don't have to explain yourselves to me." She closed the cupboard and headed out the door. "Carry on."

Silence consumed the room once again after the door closed. It held more tension than the previous one. Neither of them moved, but Lucy's mind was racing.

 _What just happened?_ she asked herself. _Should I say something? What_ could _I say? Is he going to say something? What is he thinking right now? How does he feel about… that? How do I feel about that? No. Nothing. I don't feel anything. Just- Did that make him uncomfortable?_ The warm blush on her face told her that she shouldn't dare risk a glance up, but the irritating curiosity still burned. _Maybe I should just go back to the bathroom. See, he still hasn't said anything. I could get through this mess of a knot by myself. Eventually…?_

The rocker had made up her mind to leave the room and was about to walk away when an odd sound made her pause.

It took her a minute to figure out that the noise was Kendall, laughing. It wasn't quite a full-out Kendall Knight brand laugh, but it was also far from the choppy, fake laughs he's been giving out. Lucy breathed a laugh of her own at the sound of it.

"What's so funny?" she inquired curiously. She was by no means complaining. The opposite, actually. Her insides felt warm, even as she shivered.

"You should see the look on your face," he chuckled almost hysterically. It was like the emotional purge he had gone through that night was catching up with him.

Lucy backed up by a fraction. "What's wrong with my face?" she demanded with faux hurt, a smile adorning her lips.

He shook his head, still laughing. "You look like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar."

It wasn't necessarily all that funny, but Lucy felt a bubble of laughter expand in her chest regardless. "Yeah well it could be worse," she countered, thinking that the night air had gone to both their heads.

Kendall suppressed his laughter long enough to form a response. "How's that?"

"I could look like you," she teased, her own laughter quelled for the moment as well.

There was a beat of silence before the pair broke into a fit of giggles. There wasn't even a reason for it after a while other than it feeling good.

Their laughter continued until their sides hurt, and even then it only subsided because Lucy began to shiver once again, this time violently enough to make her laughter sound painful. Kendall turned her around, still managing to smile faintly, and carefully combed through the rest of her knotted hair with slender fingers.

"There," he said when the necklace was finally loose, "go get warm. Your shivers are beginning to make _me_ cold." He nudged her toward the bathroom and she went without complaining, not that she could have gotten any words past her chattering teeth.

The hot water was welcome, even if it burned like hell at first. Gradually though it warmed Lucy up, and when she got out she once again had full feeling in her fingers and toes. She pulled on a pair of maroon cotton pajama pants and a black cammi and crawled into the bed under the covers, lying on her stomach with her arms folded under her pillow. It was only nine thirty, but her eyelids felt heavy with sleep. She let them fall closed after glancing out the window at the no-longer-storm clouds while the events from the last few hours played over again at the edges of her mind, preventing sleep from actually reaching her.

Eventually Kendall finished his shower and climbed into bed next to her in dark pajama pants and a colourless t-shirt. He didn't settle down right away, and Lucy wondered with tired curiosity what it was that was stopping _him_ from going to sleep. Her answer came in the form of him leaning towards her.

"Thank you Lucy," he whispered, his breath warm on her bare shoulder.

It was just two words and her name, but knowing that he appreciated her help, maybe even needed it, warmed Lucy through better than any hot shower. It meant _she_ was needed.

He pulled away, lying down to sleep for real this time, and Lucy wanted to say something. Anything. Even just a plain 'you're welcome,' but sleep finally took a hold of her before she had the chance to open her mouth.

.:.:.:.

When Lucy woke up her entire vision was filled with gray. Her face was resting on something warm, firm, and breathing. It was that last detail that really drove the sleep from the rocker's mind.

Lucy backpedaled back to her side of the bed, mentally berating and scolding herself. She had been completely pressed up against Kendall's back as he lay on his stomach– and was by no means cuddling. At all. She had still been cold from last night's stroll in the rain and Kendall was warm. Pleasantly so– …it was only expected.

Luckily he wasn't awake yet. She felt that he would only pick on her for cuddling– which she absolutely _hadn't_ been doing –if he was. At least her Kendall would.

Not that he was _hers_. She meant the Kendall before he became completely Jo's; though last night showed that the irrevocability of that act may be dwindling.

Lucy shook her head in attempt to clear it. Either way, he was asleep and she _hadn't_ been cuddling.

With a yawn, Lucy propped herself up on her elbows and looked at the clock.

6:07

Why was she up at 6:07?

The rocker laid back down, using her pillow to cover her head instead of cushion it. Maybe she could get a bit more rest.

The ringing of a phone proved _that_ theory wrong.

Lucy nudged Kendall, who woke with a start. "Phone," she pointed out helpfully, taking the pillow off her face.

He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and reached to grab his noisy cell from the nightstand.

"Hello?" he answered sluggishly. Lucy wasn't awake enough to care about who was on the phone. She closed her eyes and rolled back over.

"Yes, I'm available," Kendall said into his cell. "Of course." He glanced over at the clock. "Yep. Alright, bye." He set his phone back down, and Lucy resigned herself to getting no more sleep.

"What was that about?" she asked as she faced him once again, eyes open and voice muffled with a sleepy haze. She stretched, and Kendall sat up.

"That was the school needing me to substitute," he explained through a stifled yawn as he got out of bed.

Lucy refused to get up herself. "This early?"

Kendall, shuffling through his closet, looked back at Lucy with a raised eyebrow. "School starts in an hour and a half."

She pulled her pillow over her face again, this time adding Kendall's pillow on top of it for emphasis. "I know, isn't it horrible?" she groaned. His scent wafted around her, all shampoo and sleep and _him_ , but she ignored it.

When he didn't reply right away, Lucy peeked out from under the pillows to see him facing the closet once more, shaking his head. She couldn't be sure if he was smiling or not and wondered how last night would affect him.

What happened last night was sorely needed, sans the cold and rain, but the laughter that came after had seemed more of a hysterical release than real. Maybe it was a stepping stone, though. Maybe it was needed.

She just hoped that he took her words to heart.

When Kendall found what he was looking for– black pants, a blue plaid button-up shirt, and a black tie –he headed to the bathroom, casting Lucy a look that he wasn't aware she could see.

It was equal parts confused, painful, and amused, and Lucy wasn't sure if it could be considered progress. Or what it could be considered. Unless he had been awake when she thought he wasn't. Then she could call it the pained-confusion-warring-with-amusement that it was.

Lucy dropped the pillows back on her face once Kendall was out of sight. If _that_ was the case, _Nice going,_ she thought, _cuddling up with the broken hearted. Perfect._


	10. A Room Full of Therapists

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longish wait. This chapter's a bit longer, and I still didn't get in all i wanted. In other news, I start college in a week from today exactly :S I sincerely hope that the spans between updating won't get too long, but just a warning.
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. If it was, it wouldn't be over ;-; Damn, now I made myself sad.
> 
> \- Shadow

"How do I look?" Kendall asked, spinning full circle in front of her on his heel. Lucy wanted to hold back her laugh, she really did. But it just didn't work out that way. His black pants were fine, but he had the blue plaid shirt buttoned all the way up and the tie tightened to stuffy proportions.

"A bit ridiculous, actually," she chuckled. She motioned for him to come over as she– finally –got up and crawled to the edge of the bed. "And like you have no idea what you're getting into." She loosened his tie until it looked stylishly casual and undid the top few buttons of the shirt.

"I'm only a sub," he argued, but let her adjust his clothes.

Lucy smirked, pulling her hands back the second she was done, looking at anything but the bare skin around his collar bone. "They're high school kids. They love substitutes." She elbowed him in the ribs. "But you go in looking like you did before and they'll walk all over you." She shook her head as she slid off the edge of the bed onto her feet. "How on earth have you managed all these years without me?" she joked dramatically.

Kendall brushed his hair out of his eyes. His reply was dry but equally as joking. "What, you and your expert fashion advice?" He gave her a pointed look. "Nice hairstyle."

Lucy scowled and reached up to her hair, knowing very well that the black and red strands were a mess. "Go to school," she told him as a comeback, grabbing a change of clothes before stalking out to the bathroom, a half-hidden smile on her face.

Maybe he had been asleep and she was worrying about nothing. Because he was teasing like nothing was wrong. And she refused to think of what it meant if he was teasing like this and _hadn't_ been asleep.

Lucy concentrated on the task at hand, changing into the stylishly torn blue skinny jeans and thin black v-neck sweater she had pulled out of her duffel. The weather was getting cooler, but not quite bundle-up-under-layers cool. She then worked through her hair with the brush she left on the bathroom sink before heading out to the kitchen, hair now as-perfect-as-possible straight.

"Better?" the rocker asked Kendall sarcastically.

He jerked, as if she had startled him out of deep thought. His eyes focused on her and an easy smile appeared on his face, erasing the glossy-eyed empty look he had been giving his bowl of cereal moments ago. "It's an improvement," he bantered.

Lucy huffed a short it's-too-early-for-this laugh as she moved to grab a bowl of her own, putting away the dour expression he had just gotten rid of for later thought. It was too early for that, too. "What's for breakfast?"

Kendall motioned toward the box of cereal on the table as Lucy sat down across from him. "Lucky Charms…?" He formed the words like a question at the last minute. Lucy filed that away for later puzzlement as well. She felt like it was more than him wondering if she wanted Lucky Charms, even if that's how she answered him.

"Sounds good." Lucy tucked a stray bunch of hair behind her ear before pouring herself some cereal. It was a superficial action –it fell back in her face as soon as her hand moved away –but he was looking at her with that same expression from earlier and she had to do something. She studied his face subtly out of the corner of her eye, even after he looked back down at his food. The rocker was beginning to think that 'confused, painful, and amused' didn't actually describe it well enough. But she couldn't pinpoint exactly what did describe it. Lucy mentally shrugged and gave up for the time being, focusing on pouring milk over her cereal without making a mess.

The silence that consumed the rest of breakfast from that point out wasn't at all awkward. It was the silence of friends enjoying one another's company; quiet without the need for filling it with conversation or noise. It was nice.

Breakfast only took them a few minutes to finish. About a half hour after that Lucy was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee watching the news, and Kendall was ready to leave. Or rather, mostly ready to leave.

"Have you seen my whistle?" he asked Lucy out loud after a silent moment of searching.

The rocker took a sip of her coffee, her eyes glued to the tv screen where there was currently a story about baby tigers. "What's it look like?"

"It's a whistle Lucy," he replied scathingly. When she finally looked at him, his facial expression matched his tone perfectly; they both held an underlying tone of _duh._

Lucy stuck her tongue out at Kendall. "I mean what's it on, smartass."

Kendall went back to searching. "Purple and gold lanyard. Says the scorpions. It's the school mascot. Has my sub ID on it too."

The rockstar's eyes drifted back to the tv. "Where did you see it last?"

"I put it in the key bowl by the door after practice, like I always do."

"Did you _check_ the key bowl?"

"Of course I checked the key bowl."

"What about behind the key bowl?"

"Checked there too."

"Under the key bowl?"

"Lucy."

Lucy got up with a smirk. "Just trying to help," she reasoned, setting her coffee down on an end table before walking over to his side. "It can't be far." She checked behind the cabinet that the key bowl was setting on while Kendall left to check the bedroom.

"It's not here," Lucy yelled down the hall. She was quietly laughing at Kendall's muffled response of "Well I could have told you that!" when a knock sounded from the door. She opened it, revealing Sarah and Claire. "Good morning," she greeted them, broadening her smile into a grin.

Someone's in a chipper mood," Sarah commented as Lucy bent down to hug Claire. The rocker shrugged as she straightened up, but her expression didn't change. That is, until the nanny added, "I knocked this time. Thought I'd give you fair warning that someone else was entering the common area."

Lucy turned away from Sarah's teasing eyes, feeling more sheepish than embarrassed. "It wasn't what it looked like," she defended. She ignored Sarah's "Mmhm," instead looking down at Claire who was tapping her leg for her attention.

The toddler was holding up a bracelet made up of plastic charms and beads. It was a slightly bigger copy of the one on her own small wrist. "I made this for you!" she exclaimed proudly.

Lucy held her hands out so the bracelet could be slipped onto her wrist. "Look at that!" she practically cooed, bringing it closer to her face so she could look at the beads. "It's beautiful Claire. I love it."

Claire ate up the praise. "It has a guitar," she said eagerly, pointing up to it. Lucy looked again and sure enough there was a yellow guitar charm between a pink smiley face and a green puppy, all surrounded by brightly coloured round beads.

"That's great, because guitars are my favorite," Lucy told her with a tickling poke to the kid's ribs. Claire giggled and squirmed away towards the living room.

Kendall returned to the kitchen. "It wasn't in the bedroom."

Lucy turned to look at him. "Aren't coaches supposed to have spares?"

He mumbled something unintelligible in response.

"What?"

"That was my spare," he repeated a bit louder. Then, "Hey Sarah, you're here early."

Sarah set down Claire's overnight bag on the kitchen table. "I'm just here to drop off Claire. The girls from church are on their way to pick me up for the craft show."

Kendall groaned. "That's today? I completely forgot."

"Monday through Wednesday," Sarah corrected. "I told you this last week."

"I know, I know," he sighed, running a hand through his dark blonde hair. "The school called. They need me to sub for Bret's classes. I'm expected to be there in ten minutes, I can't find my whistle, which has my sub ID on it, and now I don't have anyone to watch Claire."

Lucy chuckled at his frazzled appearance. "Hey Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected," she joked, thinking of his usual level-headedness. "What am I, not here? Don't sweat it. I can watch Claire for a day." The little girl in question looked up with eager eyes as round as dinner plates.

A horn honking outside signaled Sarah's time to leave. "Since this is settled," she excused herself with a smirk.

Kendall looked at Lucy once Sarah was gone. "You sure you can handle her?" he asked almost worriedly.

Lucy glared at him skeptically. "I'm a big girl now Kendall. Besides, it can't be any worse than hanging out with teenage versions of you and the guys."

That merited a laugh. "I guess not. But that still leaves my whistle and ID unaccounted for." Claire squealed in delight.

The rocker shrugged, laughing at the toddler's response. "You don't need your whistle until this afternoon, right? And you can get a temporary ID. Just get to school. I'll find them and bring them in later."

Kendall visibly relaxed. "Seriously?"

"No. I'm lying."

He ignored her sarcasm. "You're a lifesaver, Luce."

Lucy smirked. "How have you managed without me?" she repeated from earlier.

This time, Kendall shook his head almost in disbelief. "I have no idea."

Surprised at his answer, she didn't react to the brief hug he pulled her into. The next thing she knew, Kendall had given Claire a kiss on the top of her head, grabbed his jacket, and left.

Lucy shook herself, feeling like she'd been deprived of a proper goodbye. Then she shed that thought, wondering where it came from. She needed a distraction. And it came in the form of Kendall's jacket.

She stared at the peg the worn black leather had been resting on. She hadn't noticed it before now– had no reason to, really –that Kendall still wore a leather jacket. But that wasn't what her attention was focused on.

She had only seen a glimpse of it before he was out the door, but it had looked too old and beat up to be anything he had gotten recently. Even in the past three years recently.

But, dare she even think it, it _had_ looked old and beat up enough for him to have had since his time at the Palm Woods. Maybe even since her first real paycheck from her rockstar career, when she got the guys each a gift in repayment for supporting her?

She was jarred out of her thoughts by Claire's voice. "I forgot to give daddy _his_!"

She was standing by the rocker's legs, holding up a third loop of plastic beads. It matched both Lucy's and her own.

"Alright," Lucy said, completely back in the present. "Let's find daddy's whistle first, then we'll bring him that and your bracelet."

.:.:.:.

Kendall let out a heavy breath through his nose. Bret Connor's third period junior psychology class was his favorite to substitute for, if going by the conversations alone. This was only his third time doing it, but it always promised to be entertaining.

Right now though they were quietly working on a lab, which gave Kendall a moment to think. He definitely needed one of those. His head felt full of a little bit of everything, and he knew that the only way to disentangle it was to puzzle through each thought individually.

But that was easier said than done; he had no idea where to start.

The Jo thing would be a nice place to begin, theoretically. The problem was that he couldn't think about it without simultaneously wanting to cry and punch something. So that was a no.

That led him to the Claire thing. But the Claire thing was in all reality a Claire-and-Jo thing, and he ran into the same problem. Strike two.

Then there was the Thanksgiving thing. However, seeing where that was taking place, it could quickly become a Jo thing. Strike three. You're out.

Kendall stared down at the pen he was worrying between his fingers. Last night, Lucy said that he needed to help himself. But how could he do that when all of his problems were _this_ hard to think about? It was impossible.

It kind of had him wishing that he had a Lucy problem. A Lucy problem wouldn't hurt so much. At least, not like this.

Then again, _no_ problem would be the best option. But that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"Mr. Knight, are you okay?"

Kendall looked up to see the eyes of almost the entire class on him. He cleared his throat and stilled his hands. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" He immediately regretted the question. _Here we go._

The redheaded girl who had spoken, he was pretty sure her name was Ericka, shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she responded with transparent disinterest, "but you were pulling an ample amount of weird faces. So either you're thinking about something, or you have gas."

The entire class broke out in laughter.

"Either way, you wouldn't be okay," Ericka concluded innocently.

Kendall's lips twitched into a smirk. He knew he shouldn't encourage them but he found himself replying anyway. "I'm just trying to work through some things." His vague answer only seemed to fuel the class's curiosity. Kendall had almost forgotten that this was a psychology class.

_Great. A group of therapists._

"What kind of things?" This time the speaker was Paige, a girl with dyed-black hair who usually didn't talk much. She looked almost shocked at herself for having spoken.

Kendall sighed a laugh and went back to playing with his pen. "You guys are too nosy for your own good."

"Mr. Connor says that curiosity should be encouraged in young minds," Ericka reasoned.

"Does Mr. Connor encourage prying into other peoples' personal lives?" Kendall countered.

Ericka shrugged. "Potato, Patato."

 _Cheeky juniors,_ Kendall cursed silently.

Before he could reply, one of the guys sitting in the back row spoke up. Kendall knew him as Richard Lochk, Center for the hockey team, but everyone called him Sherlock due to his uncanny ability of knowing things he shouldn't possibly be able to know. An ability that he almost lazily flaunted at the present moment. "Does this have to do with your ex wife, Coach?"

The class went silent. Kendall had no idea how to reply, nor could he past the hard lump in his throat. He was trying to fight against the feeling of suffocation those two key words brought on.

_Ex wife._

They didn't hurt as much as incapacitate, which was better than what they could have done. He wished someone would make some sort of noise, anything, so he'd have something else to concentrate on. Eventually it happened, but not from the class.

"Come on guys, give him a break." Her tone was easy, flippant, and Kendall recognized it immediately.

Everyone turned their heads to look at the doorway. They had been so involved with what was happening in the classroom that they hadn't noticed the 5'5" figure leaning against the door frame.

With the attention off of him, Kendall squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand down his face like he was trying to physically wipe away his emotions. Lucy gave him an inquiring look once he opened his eyes. He forced a smile to let her know that he was fine.

"Daddy!" Claire stepped around Lucy and ran over to Kendall. She crawled onto his lap and gave him a hug around his neck. A quiet chorus of mixed 'aww's and snickers swept through the room. "I made you this, Daddy," Claire said, demanding all of his attention as she held up the bracelet. "Sarah had the string and the beats."

Kendall chuckled, along with the rest of the class. "You mean the beads?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah. So I made me one and you one and Lucy one." Claire twisted around so she could point at the rockstar, who had stayed back by the door.

When their eyes met, Lucy held up two purple and gold lanyards, each attached to a whistle and an ID card. A smug smile adorned her face.

Kendall looked at her with an eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Both of them? Where were they?" He hadn't really doubted that she'd find at least one, but he wasn't sure why she would take the time to look for them for him.

"They were behind the toaster," she snorted. "Half the time when you come home you toss your keys on the counter. I guessed that you did the same thing with these and that they'd slide, and voila." She tossed the lanyards to him.

Kendall caught them one-handed, using the other to steady Claire. "I never would have thought to look there," he told her, somewhat bemused.

Lucy grinned. "Of course you wouldn't have."

Their conversation was interrupted by heated whispering coming from the back of the room. It swiftly reminded them that they were in a room full of teenagers who willingly took a class that taught them all the little queer things about the human mind and habits.

"Anyways," Lucy said, glancing over at the whispering students. Kendall followed her gaze, not at all surprised to see Sherlock and Dustin, another hockey player, leaning towards each other and eyeing them back.

"I'm going to take Claire to Chuck E' Cheese's or something," Lucy continued, a smile in her eyes when they met Kendall's. She held a hand out for Claire, who had just slid off of her father's lap with an excited "Yeah!" Lucy laughed. "You'll probably get home before us," she added. The closest Chuck E' Cheese's was almost an hour away.

Kendall nodded, smiling back. "Alright, have fun."

It was a long stretch of time between Lucy's parting wave and the moment Kendall realized that the classroom was _too_ quiet. All eyes were on him again, half of the class inquisitive while the other half was smug.

"You live with Lucy stone?!" Surprisingly, Paige was the first to speak up. She was one of the inquisitive ones. And apparently she was a fan.

"Lucy's one of my best friends," Kendall explained. "She's just staying with me for a bit while she's on break."

Of course Sherlock had to but in. "If she's just staying with you 'for a bit', why did she say 'home' instead of 'your apartment'? Twice." He was one of the smug ones. And did his face ever show it.

Kendall didn't answer. Anything he said would be taken and twisted. Was he this manipulative and nosy when he was a teenager? Well, Katie definitely had been.

Regardless, he hadn't noticed anything weird about Lucy's words. But now that it had been pointed out, he wondered.


	11. Missed You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter I'm submitting from my college dorm. I've been here a week now exactly. Classes started Monday, but I don't mind because half of them are at the barn :D Yay for Equine major! Lol, back on track. This is a little late, but not as late as I thought it was going to be. I've had more free time than I thought I would. It's lovely. So, here's chapter 11. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR's not mine.
> 
> \- Shadow

In the midst of the chaos and noise that made up Chuck E' Cheese's, Lucy found that she was actually enjoying herself. Maybe not to the degree that the high-on-sugar-an-pizza little kids were enjoying themselves, but watching Claire try to play ski ball put a smile on her face.

"I can't _do it_ ," the three year old pouted after her seventh try. The ball never went more than halfway up the ramp. She crossed her arms uncordinatedly and puckered her bottom lip so it stuck out. Claire's furrowed brow was all eyebrows, just like her father's.

Lucy brushed a few golden-blonde strands of hair out of the little girl's face. That seemed to be the only trait inherited from her mother, with any luck. "Come on rockstar, of course you can." She picked up the next brackish-orange ball lined up to be rolled. "Want me to show you how?" she offered, holding the ball out to Claire.

"No I'ma do it!" Claire took it and looked up the ski ball ramp, tongue poking out in stubborn determination. Lucy laughed quietly and shook her head. She wasn't sure which parent that came from; both Kendall and Jo were hardheaded and stubborn. However, one she could think of affectionately and one she thought could use a punch in the face.

Claire must have decided that throwing the ball would be more productive than rolling it, because all of the sudden Lucy found herself ducking to avoid a dirty-orange blur as it whizzed past her head. "Whoa, killer!" She looked over her shoulder with a wince, but luckily no one had been in the ball's path. The rocker got a few dirty looks from a few parents, though.

Lucy turned back to Claire. The wire mesh screen over the ski ball holes was still vibrating from the impact. "Alright, new plan!" She grabbed another ball. "I'm _going_ to show you how."

Claire reached for the ball eagerly. Lucy let her have it, but was sure to keep a hand ready to catch if she threw the thing.

"Ready?"

Claire nodded vigorously, her tongue poking out again.

Lucy began her demonstration by gently pulling back one of the three year old's arms so it would have enough forward power to roll the ball into one of the holes. "Alright. First you're going to draw back your arm like this. And then," she closed her hand over Claire's and the ball, "you're going to bring it forward like this," she demonstrated, swinging Claire's arm forward in an underhanded roll, "and you'll let go right about here." She let go of Claire's hand and brushed the hair out of her face again. "Think you can do it?"

Claire giggled, pulling the ball in close to her chest. "Yeah!"

Alright then, rockstar. Let's see it," Lucy challenged teasingly.

The three year old went through the motions Lucy had just taught her. She let go a little early, but the ball still managed to get itself over the bump at the end of the ramp and jump into the gutter. A single ticket popped out of the machine.

"You did it!" Lucy praised.

Claire jumped up and down in excitement. "I even got a _ticket_!" she crowed.

Lucy laughed. "I believe that deserves a high five." She held out her hand and Claire slapped it enthusiastically with her own enthusiastically. "Can you do it again?" the rocker asked.

There were three balls left for this round. One of them took a few tries, but Claire eventually got them all up the ramp and over the bump. The first fell short and landed in the gutter again, but the other two managed to find their way into the lowest scoring hole.

Six tickets later, Claire looked up at Lucy. "Lemme do it again!" she said happily.

The rocker smiled. "How about after our pizza?" She pointed back to their table, the one with the 4 on it, where a teenage guy who probably didn't get paid enough to wear that uniform was setting down their small pepperoni pizza.

Claire's mouth formed an 'O'. "Yes!" She darted off, leaving Lucy to grab the tickets and follow her.

Claire was so eager and still enough of an uncoordinated toddler that she couldn't quite make it over a cluster of thick extension cords running across her path. She tripped and landed hard on her elbow.

Lucy's eyes widened. She darted over to Claire as the three year old began to cry. "Hey rockstar," Lucy said gently, carefully picking Claire up and setting her back on her feet. She wasn't sure what to do next. Where was she hurt? How much did she hurt? She was crying like she had broken an arm, but kids did that, right?

Claire was standing there with a pinched, tearstained face, holding her left elbow with her right hand.

"Did you hurt your elbow?" Lucy asked, crouching down to her level.

Claire sobbed and nodded; a few more tears leaked from her eyes as images of smashed bones danced through the rocker's head.

"Can I see it?"

Claire moved her hand and held up her elbow. Lucy let out a small laugh in relief. _All this carrying on for a tiny scrape?_ She picked the three year old up as she stood up, wiping her tears away and trying to calm her down. But by now they had gained a bit of attention.

"Is there any way I can help you ladies?" A young blonde in a ponytail and Chuck E' Cheese uniform appeared, _trying to avoid a law suit,_ Lucy guessed. She was about to tell her to leave when Claire's quiet sniffling in her ear made her think better of it.

"Yeah, um, you wouldn't happen to have a bandaid, would you?"

The blonde directed her smile at Claire. "Of course! What color would you like?" She pulled a few bandaids out of a pocket in her hostess' apron and fanned them out. Lucy got the impression that this happened a lot.

The rocker had to coax Claire's face from her neck, but eventually Claire turned her head enough to look at the bandaids. She pointed at the color she wanted, but didn't say a word.

"The red one?" the blonde confirmed cheerfully, pulling it out of the bunch, "excellent choice." She cast a quick glance at Lucy's hair, and missed the scowl directed at her afterwards. "I'll let mom put it on," she added with another smile as she handed Lucy the bandaid, "I have to go back to work."

"I'm not her-" Lucy began, but the hostess was already gone. With a shrug, her attention was returned to Claire. "Come on. We'll get you patched up, then we'll have pizza.

.:.:.:.

By the time bandaids were on, booboos were kissed (twice), dinner was done, and multiple games were played (including six more rounds of ski ball), it was long past Claire's bedtime. The clock in the camaro read 11:03, and a glance in the rearview mirror revealed to Lucy that Claire was still fast asleep. The back seat of Lucy's car wasn't as roomy as Kendall's jeep, but it was comfortable enough for the three year old to clonk out ten minutes into the ride.

Lucy smiled, looking back through the windshield as she turned down the street to the apartment. There was a space next to Kendall's jeep, which she easily pulled her camaro into. A turn of her key and the engine cut off. She got out of the car, careful to close the door quietly so as not to wake Claire up, and circled the car to the passenger's side. The door opened on silent hinges and she folded the seat forward so she could get to Claire.

Getting the three year old out without waking her was tricky, but Lucy managed it. Mostly. Claire shifted in her arms just enough to bury her face against Lucy's neck, and then was still as she settled back into sleep.

The door to Kendall's apartment was unlocked. When Lucy walked in, the living room was dark and empty. However the bedroom light was shining down the hall and one side of a phone conversation followed it. Had he waited up for them?

Lucy closed the door gently behind her before heading down the hall and Claire's room. But something stopped her short before she got there. Claire was getting heavy in her arms, but the rocker took the time to stare at exactly what had caught her eye.

The bedroom light had caught on the polished pressed wood of a dusty acoustic guitar. It was leaning against the wall at the mouth of the hallway, like it had been set there haphazardly and then forgotten about. Or ignored. Lucy silently hoped it would be remembered again soon. She hadn't seen the guitar, or any guitar now that she thought about it, since she had gotten here and could only guess at what it's sudden unannounced appearance now meant.

Lucy listened closer to the words coming from Kendall's bedroom through the half open door as she made her way to Claire's room. They were easy and lacked any negative emotion, and the rocker was able to hear most of them.

"…sure the team would like that. Yep. Oh of course. There's a lot going on right now. Mmhm. Alright. Well it was nice talking to you, Brittney. No of course not. Okay. Bye."

Lucy finished tucking Claire in just as Kendall finished talking. She draped Claire's red blankie over her before quietly tiptoeing from the room, closing the door silently behind her. The rocker knocked on Kendall's door before pushing it open. She stayed in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe with her arms loosely crossed. Kendall was already in his pajamas. He stood next to the bed, looking down at his phone with an uncertain expression.

Lucy didn't say anything. She just watched him as he took a deep almost bracing breath, set his phone down, and sat on his bed. That's when he noticed her.

Kendall broke into a soft smile when their eyes met. "Hey. Is Claire in bed?"

Lucy nodded as she walked into the room. "Out like a light."

He nodded and leaned back against his pillows. "You guys have fun?"

Lucy snorted, completely aware of the fact that he had most definitely waited up for them. She was also pretty sure that he knew he hadn't needed to –she could handle Claire on her own. However, it gave her a nice feeling all the same. "Claire had a blast, and I had fun watching her." She gathered up her pajamas, shooting a significant look towards Kendall. "I could have done without the married man and the teenager flirting with me, though."

The words were out of her mouth before she realized how Kendall might react to the whole married-person-hitting-on-someone-else thing. It was too late to take it back, and she noticed the sting of the concept flash through his eyes. However, he acted like he didn't notice it himself.

"A teenager?" Both his smile and his voice were teasing.

Lucy practically growled, but she was too thrilled at the idea of Kendall getting better for it to carry any real irritation and actually work. She flipped her hair over her shoulder instead with an air of indifference. "I mean, I have a thing for younger guys, but he wasn't even one of the cute ones."

Kendall let out an exaggerated gasp. "Lucy!" he scolded mockingly.

The rocker put on a grin and headed out to the bathroom to change, but it fell a notch or two when she left the room. She wasn't sure what had propelled her to say that. The thing about younger guys. Obviously Kendall was a year younger than her, but she didn't want to open that can of worms. The age thing that only mattered in a relationship. Which she didn't want. And which did _not_ need to be brought up right now. He was just getting better.

One dark blue muscle shirt and pair of gray cotton pants later, Lucy returned to the bedroom, flicked off the main light, and plopped down on her side of the bed, sitting up cross-legged. Kendall, who had slid down so he was laying flat on his back, had the lamp next to him on, and it cast just enough light for her to catch the contemplative look on his face. It wasn't quite as broody as it was a few days ago, but it still made her nervous that he was going to slip back into _that_.

Lucy reached up and pulled her hair to the side, weaving it into a messy braid to keep her hands busy. Because Kendall's forehead was creased in thought and was begging to be smoothed over with a gentle touch. And his hair, which had begun to grow out again, was at that point where pushing it back wasn't only tempting but necessary. He swept his hand up and brushed his hair out of his face himself, breaking Lucy from her trance. She shook her head, using a hair tie to tie off the end of her braid and decided to verbally get his mind off of whatever track it was on.

"I taught Claire how to play ski ball today," she said proudly, lowering her hands into her lap now that her hair was done. She stifled a yawn, wanting to push off sleep until Kendall was completely distracted.

When he looked at her, his eyes were clear and his small smile was genuine. "Did she get the hang of it?"

Lucy smirked. "Oh yeah. Once she stopped trying to take my head off. She'll be hustling in no time."

He laughed and propped himself up on his elbows. "Did she do that thing with her tongue?"

The rocker pulled an exaggerated mimic of Claire's determined-tongue-poking-out-face.

"That's the one!" Kendall laughed again. "I'm not sure where she picked it up, but it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen."

Lucy nodded in agreement. "She's cute." She lay back, staring up at the ceiling. Kendall seemed satisfyingly distracted for the moment. "And she barely fussed when she fell," she added. "If all little kids were like here, I might actually like children."

Kendall rolled over to face her. "She fell? Is she okay?" His tone switched from joking to protective just like that.

Lucy, who had closed her eyes and flung an arm over her face, peeked out at him with a sleepy chuckle. "Your over-protectiveness is showing," she told him.

Kendall actually blushed. Lucy smirked and told him anyway.

"She's fine. Just a scratch and some rug burn." The rocker yawned and covered her eyes again. There was a few beats of silence before she added drowsily, "I got called a mom today. That was a first."

Kendall opened his mouth to reply. Any number of questions were ready and waiting to leap out of his mouth.

 _By who? Is that a_ bad _thing? Are we confusing Claire by having you stay here?_

That last one, among others, had been on his mind since this morning, when his students brought up the "home" thing. But all the questions seemed… _weird_ to ask for some reason. What would they do with the answers if they were undesirable?

What if _Claire_ had called her 'mom'? What if she _did_ think of it as a bad thing? What would they do if they _were_ confusing Claire?

He was saved from having to actually answer though by the subtle almost-silent noise of Lucy's breaths evening out as she fell asleep.

Kendall looked at her face, watching her muscles relax as she sank deeper into unconsciousness. He was surprised to see how tense she had been. Was that because of him? He internally winced, fully aware of what a mess he'd been in the past day.

Or, who was he kidding, the past week.

Month.

Six months.

Six months, two weeks, and four days.

Kendall flicked his lamp off and lay back down against his pillows. He really had no idea why Lucy was still here.

Not that he had any objections to her being here. He was just curious as to _why._

He was a mess.

And after everything that had happened between them, _all_ of it, the last thing he expected was her sympathy. Maybe a few 'I told you so's. But not for her to care.

Or, well, maybe that was wrong.

Why had he opened up to her that first day last week if he had expected her to gloat? It was more than he did with the guys or Katie, and he _knew_ they wouldn't gloat.

Maybe it was _because_ she might have gloated.

Back before everything, when he and Lucy had been close, she had often knocked some sense into him. Made him fight for what he wanted. Fight for what he believed in.

He kind of missed that.

Last night had been that. Or close to it. He's pretty sure that's what it was. It had definitely been something.

Kendall turned his head to look at Lucy again as he puzzled it over, finding that she had lowered her arm and tilted her head towards him. Her lips were parted slightly and were still curved into a soft smirk, even in her sleep. It was just a little movement that had nothing to do with him, but Kendall found himself smiling regardless. She just had that effect.

Whatever her reason for sticking around, he was glad she was. He had definitely missed her.


	12. Plane Tickets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, next chapter! Is it chapter 12 already? Wow! Lol, I don't really have anything to say this go-round, except college is a blast. Y'know, once I got over my initial "ohmygod this isn't home what the hell help me" phase. I'll let you get onto the story ^-^
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR is not mine.
> 
> \- Shadow

The next few days went by easily. And carefully. Everything that happened held varying amounts of significance, and most of the time neither Lucy nor Kendall was sure exactly how much or why.

Tuesday Kendall had to sub again. When Lucy had woken up, he wasn't in the room. A glance at the clock said that it was too early for him to have left for school, so she pulled herself out of bed and headed out to the main area, tugging on her braid as she walked. He was dressed, wide awake, and making pancakes. Lucy's hum of appreciation caught his attention, drawing out a smile and a greeting of "Good morning." She had been surprised, and asked a few different times why he was making breakfast, but he would shrug and change the subject so subtly that she hadn't realized that she didn't get an answer until after he left.

That evening when he came home, Claire greeted him by flashing her freshly painted black nails, a large smile on her face. Lucy shrugged almost guiltily, but Kendall reassured her that he loved them.

After Claire was in bed, Kendall and Lucy stayed up late on the couch talking. They stuck to safe topics; Lucy's career, music, his hockey team, Claire. The banter and mocking was kept to a minimum, nothing more than gentle teasing.

"You're not serious."

Lucy laughed, keeping her voice down so as not to wake Claire. "Dead serious.

Every night before a show."

Kendall pulled a disgusted face. "I understand before-concert rituals. But sardines? Where do you find these people?"

"Hey," she defended, "he's a kickass drummer."

Kendall held up his hands in surrender. "You know what? I don't even want to know about the rest of your band."

"Oh come on," Lucy protested. "I haven't told you about my bassist yet."

"Oh don't worry," he chuckled, "I'm sure the lead guitarist is the weirdest."

Lucy scoffed and kicked at him playfully. "Thanks, but there are weirder guitar players out there than me." She offered him a pointed look.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "At least my band was normal."

"Ha!" Lucy shot back. "If by 'normal' you mean the oddest group of guys I've ever met."

"At least we kept life interesting," he shrugged.

It was Lucy's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh don't worry. You still do."

Kendall smirked. "Glad we can be of service," he replied sarcastically.

And that reluctance to step on any toes leaked into every day. Lucy was concerned at first when Kendall didn't always initially respond to every bit of her teasing, but progressively he began to reply. To banter back fully, instead of hesitantly. He was testing it out again. And Lucy was careful to keep everything on the safe side of the friend boundary. He was getting better. She didn't want to mess anything up.

It took until two days after that for the rocker to realize that the acoustic guitar in the hall, though it didn't look like it had moved, was dusted and bore shining new strings. She still hadn't asked Kendall about it, and he hadn't brought it up, nor has she actually seen him touch it. But it sat there, silently telling her it had been used recently.

Wednesday brought Sarah's return and the appearance of Lucy's favorite rock guitar from the trunk of her car. She set it next to Kendall's acoustic, but if he took notice he didn't mention it. However Claire constantly made her pick it up and play her favorite songs. To Lucy's surprise, they were a lot of her songs. The three year old sung along as best she could, and actually knew a lot of the words.

On Thursday Claire scolded them for not wearing the matching bracelets. Kendall and Lucy slipped them on, avoiding each other's eyes as a result of Claire's innocently spoken, "You guys gotta _match_."

They took to talking on the couch every night. The topics of their conversations slowly got more in depth and personal. Family and the guys were talked about a lot, past relationships were avoided, and Lucy never brought up her parents. When they would go to bed, Lucy felt like there was some things that still needed to be said, but she tried not to push Kendall too hard. After all, she was holding back from explaining the real reason she had met up with him.

It was Friday night and Kendall and Lucy were sitting at opposite ends of the couch, talking about whatever happened to pop into their heads. Lucy, in her pajama shorts and an oversized Beatles t-shirt, had her back against one of the couch's arms and her feet resting comfortably on Kendall's lap. He, in plaid pajama pants and a white a-shirt, was turned slightly towards her, one arm resting on her bare legs while the other was setting on the arm of the couch at his side.

"How come you never talk about James and Katie?" Lucy asked curiously.

Kendall played dumb. "I talk about James and Katie."

"But not James _and_ Katie." She stared at him mischievously.

Kendall shrugged and played with the drawstrings on the waistband of his pants.

"Never comes up," he mumbled.

"I've asked you how your sister is at least three times in as many days."

Argument wrecked, he huffed with false irritation. "Okay, so I don't talk about James _and_ Katie. So what?"

He caught Lucy's expression shifting from mischief to sympathy, but her words were blunt. "What's wrong with their relationship?"

Kendall gave her a look that said she shouldn't have to ask. "I love James, but you know how he is. And Katie... She's my little sister. I don't want to see her hurt. I've helped raise her since she was this big." He held his hands about a foot apart, smiling down at the empty space, like he was seeing the memories solidify right before his eyes. "When dad- His accident took a lot out of mom. You could never tell it now, but I had to help out a lot because she couldn't function. Do you know what Katie's first word was?"

Lucy shook her head, smiling at the affection shining off of his face. "No, what?"

"'Kendoo'," he told her with a shrug. "My name. Well... Kind of. But when I think of Katie, I can't help but think of a little freckle-faced toddler calling my name because the walker she was in wouldn't fit through the kitchen doorway."

"James isn't going to hurt her," Lucy told him, her words confident like she knew something. Kendall let it go, though. The rockstar oozed confidence as a rule.

"I can't believe it until I see it," he replied stubbornly.

Lucy let it go in favor of a glance at the clock. She must have seen what she wanted, because she looked at him eagerly and asked, "Want to watch a movie?"

He was a bit bemused by the suddenness of her suggestion, but it was a lazy Friday night and they had nothing planned. "I'm almost afraid to ask what you had in mind."

Lucy shrugged and pulled her legs off of him to tuck them under herself instead.

The coolness that replaced her warmth after she moved surprised him. "I don't know," she said flippantly with a wave of her hand, "I'm up for anything really. Like Batman, for instance." She looked over at him from under her eyelashes, silently asking please

"We'll that leaves a lot of options," Kendall chuckled sarcastically.

The rocker grinned, picking up the remote from the end table on her side of the couch. "Dark Knight it is."

"I'm guessing Joker's your favorite?" he inquired.

Lucy scoffed as she switched the tv on, hunting for Netflix. "Well, he's pretty awesome, but I have to say I like Two-Face the best. Everything's up to luck in the end, you know?"

He pursed his lips in thought. "Ability has nothing to do with it?"

"Ability lets you act on your luck," she replied without looking at him. "You guys got lucky when Gustavo's audition was so close to you all those years ago. Your ability to sing let that luck work for you."

Kendall smiled, remembering that day very clearly. "Are you sure it wasn't just my Giant Turd Song?"

Lucy laughed and pressed 'play'. "As endearing as that probably was," she said with another eye roll. She loved it when Kendall told the story of how he and the guys became Big Time Rush. It made his eyes light up and his face break out into a fond smile as he thought of his best friends.

He sighed. "Yeah I guess you're right."

"I usually am," Lucy said with a cheeky smirk.

"What about bad luck?"

His question hung in the air briefly before Lucy could formulate a response. Kendall watched her intently, feeling an irrational need to hear her answer.

"Bad luck is luck all the same," she said carefully. "What you do with it is on you." They exchanged a tense stare, each wondering what the other was thinking.

Then the movie began, breaking the atmosphere and capturing Lucy's undivided attention, preventing Kendall from replying. He smiled wanly, satisfied with her answer. It made sense, and gave him the slightest bit of hope. He rested an arm along the back of the couch leisurely, turning his focus to Batman and suppressing a laugh. "Who knew Lucy Stone was such a superhero nerd?"

The rocker waved her hand, unconsciously shifting herself a bit closer to him. "Shhhh!" she scolded. He knew she was over dramatizing a little bit, but he kept silent all the same.

.:.:.:.

It was about two thirds of the way through the movie when Kendall and Lucy, completely enthralled, jumped as a yell of "Monsters!" rang down the hall.

Lucy paused the movie and Kendall grumbled in faux exasperation as he made to get up. "Coming Claire."

The three year old's disembodied response surprised them both. "No I want Lucy!"

She looked at Kendall almost guiltily, but he just sat back down and motioned for her to go ahead. It was weird, Claire wanting anyone but him to comfort her; there were times when Sarah, or even Jo for that matter, had to call him if he was away so he could calm his daughter over the phone.

Lucy got up and went to Claire's room, and the entire thing had Kendall thinking, once again, about why the rocker was still there. He hadn't known she cared _that_ much. But it made him smile.

It was nice.

His smile turned into a grin as an idea jumped into his head.

When Lucy returned a few minutes later, it was to find Kendall tapping away on his phone. His face was lit up in the dark room from the bright screen, and it held a look of concentration with the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Claire's back asleep," she told him. It might just be him, but her voice sounded off.

Kendall looked up as Lucy settled back on the couch, this time sitting in the middle, closer to him. She pulled the blanket that was folded on the back of the couch down and covered herself with it, simultaneously yawning and suppressing a shiver. "Everything's alright?" he asked. They weren't exactly touching, and he was puzzled as to why that fact stood out to him. He subtly shifted so that their legs ended up pressed warmly against each other. If Lucy noticed, she didn't react.

"Everything's fine," she responded with a tender smile, gazing back towards the hallway. "The monster turned out to be a sweater hanging off of that lamp in her room."

Kendall chuckled, looking at his phone contemplatively. Maybe her odd tone was just him. He expected Lucy to continue the movie, so when he didn't hear the sounds of Batman beating up everyone, he glanced up and was surprised to meet the rocker's brown eyes. He realized that she had expected a response.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" he asked her suddenly.

Lucy looked taken aback, but she answered him anyway. "Wow, that's coming up soon, isn't it? My brother's over seas and I can't stand my sister." The unspoken 'and my parents are dead' hung in the air between them. "Same as I've done for the past few years. Nothing. Why?"

He held her curious stare for a moment longer before abruptly setting his phone in her lap as a way of answering. He watched her as she picked the device up and examined the screen. Eventually she lifted her gaze to meet his eyes once again.

"Plane tickets?"

"To California." Kendall shrugged like it was no big deal. "Every year the guys, Katie, and I go to my mom's house for thanksgiving. We bring our families-" he paused, like he was a bit confused. "Er, uh- and friends," he stumbled over his recovery before continuing. "The entire week is a blast." His voice was animated as he explained it to her. Lucy watched him with fascination and a growing smile. "We play backyard football and street hockey and of course mom, Camille, and Katie make this _huge_ dinner. And there's always music. Every day. We sing so many songs we decided a few years ago to call it our own Mini Music Fest."

Lucy laughed and looked back down at his phone. "What are you asking me?" she inquired, though it was obvious that she already knew.

Kendall moved his gaze off of her, looking over at the tv where Batman was frozen in mid-punch. "I guess if you, I mean if you want to, um, come with Claire and I to my mom's. For thanksgiving." He finally looked at her, meeting her gaze tentatively.

Lucy's returning stare was unwavering. "That sounds like fun," she replied with a smirk, handing him his phone back, "on one condition."

Kendall, surprised, tilted his head in inquiry. "What would that be?" His raised eyebrow and smile tampered with his apprehensive tone.

Lucy's voice became serious. "You need to talk to Claire about Jo."

.:.:.:.

She hated to rip the bandaid off like that out of nowhere. It was cruel. He was just opening up to her about his family, /all/ of his family, and had invited her to his mom's. It had obviously taken him some courage to ask. His stumbling had reminded her, with a sting of pain mixed with a dizzying thrill, about when he had asked her out forever ago at the Palm Woods.

However, if she was right about his emotional progress, it wouldn't be as damaging as it would have been a while ago. And as she had said before, she usually was right.

"I don't see why I need to," he replied after a few seconds, proving her hunch true.

Lucy sighed. She motioned toward the hallway. "When I got Claire settled back down she asked me if I knew her mom."

A tiny spark of realization lit up in Kendall's green eyes before it was extinguished with a storm cloud of deep thought. "I don't see why that means I need to talk to her," he answered stubbornly. He shifted so their legs were once again inches apart.

Lucy didn't back down, though she definitely noticed that he moved. "After I told her that yes, I did, she wanted to know if I knew if she was coming back."

That derailed Kendall's argument. He swallowed hard. "What did you tell her?"She shook her head. "I said that I didn't know. I wasn't going to get in the middle of it. Even though it seems like that's the only way to get the topic addressed." She gave him a hard stare, which he accepted sheepishly.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted to the floor.

Lucy purposely and obviously, and maybe a tad bit unnecessarily, moved closer to Kendall so their sides were flush against each other. She put a hand on his arm to gain his full attention. "Claire loves you and would accept anything you say as the truth." She held his gaze fast and flashed a small smirk. "I would suggest telling her the /real/ truth. You and Jo had a problem. You don't love her as much as you used to, but that doesn't change how you feel about your daughter, does it?"

Kendall's only answer was to lean on Lucy's shoulder with a heavy sigh. She reached for the remote and hit play, but neither of them were paying much attention to the tv anymore. However it provided a pleasantly distracting background noise. "When are we leaving?" she asked, attempting to divert her attention from the fact that neither of them were moving, either.

Kendall smiled and set his phone down. "Monday morning, bright and early. Our flight's at eight." He put his arm on the back of the couch once more and turned his attention back on the movie. Lucy sucked in a silent breath before gingerly resting her head on his shoulder. Her mind whirled with the repeated statement of _what the hell is happening_ , but eventually she settled down enough to return most of her focus to Christian Bale and his ass kicking. The majority of it was still on Kendall and the fact that she was _laying against him_ and that he was _letting her_.

Later, when the movie ended, they got up silently, turned the tv off, and headed to the bedroom. They slept on their separate sides of the bed, not touching, and Lucy wasn't sure if she was meant to bring up whatever happened out there.

Whatever it was that happened out there.

When the rocker finally drifted to sleep, her side tingled with the memory of his pressed against it.


	13. Thunder Rumbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am! :D And boy did I prepare a treat for you guys. I won't ruin it with talking, though. No spoilers from me! You'll just have to read.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own BTR, or their song Everyday Girl, which is my absolute favorite. Go and look it up if you don't know it. Seriously. 'Cos it's in here.
> 
> \- Shadow

"There's supposed to be a bad thunderstorm Thursday." Kendall's voice broke Lucy's stare. She looked across the table at him concentrating on his phone, glad he didn't see the expression that flashed across her face.

"What about Monday?" she asked as smoothly as she could, their travel plans in mind.

However something in her tone must have caught his attention, because he glanced up at her questioningly before replying, "Sunny and cold as of right now, but a lot can change in six days."

Lucy nodded, dropping the subject altogether, going back to staring at her lunch. She knew when a storm was coming. She _always_ knew because since two years ago she's watched for them.

She felt Kendall's eyes bore into her. "You alright?" he asked.

She looked up at him once again, a smile easily forming on her lips. No matter her mood, that couldn't be helped due to the fact that one, it was him and two, over the past few days he had grown out and trimmed down the neat line of scruff that used to shade his face in the later days of Big Time Rush. When she had asked him about it, he told her that Jo didn't like facial hair, but he figured she'd be okay with it. Lucy had agreed that she loved it, and then brushed it off as a chaste comment. Kendall had smiled like her words had made his day.

"I'm fine," the rocker assured in her best impersonation of a blasé attitude. "Just thinking about thanksgiving week. Mark will probably want me to stop by so we can talk." She shrugged like it was no big deal, but in her head she thought, _and my god is he going to have an earful for me._ They hadn't left on the best of terms.

"Mark?" Kendall inquired in an indescribable tone.

"My manager," Lucy explained. "I think you'd like him. Not quite as… exuberant as Gustavo, but he's cool."

Kendall laughed. "I don't think _anyone's_ as exuberant as Gustavo." He got up to take his empty plate to the sink, and Lucy just caught the half-hidden puzzled expression that crossed his face as he turned away from her. She would have let it go, if not for the small sigh of what sounded like relief that accompanied it.

"What's up?" she asked, picking up and tearing apart the remains of her sandwich. Kendall slowly set his dishes in the sink before turning around to meet her gaze.

"Nothing," he shrugged, nonchalantly leaning back against the sink. "Just thinking about what I'm going to have the team do at practice today." Lucy was aware that now they've both lied about what was going through their heads. Kendall shrugged again before heading towards the door, preventing further interrogation. "Their game's good, but the whole 'teamwork' thing seems to be new to them."

Lucy laughed along as he grabbed his coat and keys. "Do you ever pull the 'I was in a boyband once, let me tell you about teamwork' thing?"

Kendall rolled his eyes as he fit his whistle and id around his neck. "Are you crazy? They'd eat me alive. Besides," he added, "there really is no 'was'. The guys and I are kind of in it forever."

"That's adorable," Lucy teased with a smirk.

Her words were graced with another eye roll. "Finish your lunch," he told her, opening the door to leave.

"Daddy wait!" Claire called, darting down the hallway from her room. Kendall crouched down facing her, and she stopped right in front of him. "I can't find my blankie, daddy!" she told him as she pulled at the fabric on the front of her shirt.

"Well where did you see it last?" he asked his daughter seriously.

The three year old tossed up her hands in exasperation. "I no know!"

Lucy dumped the uneaten remains of her sandwich in the trash before setting her plate in the sink with Kendall's. "Yeah Kendall, she doesn't _know_ ," she laughed.

The look he gave her was an almost playful 'don't tease my kid' look. "I have to go to work, Claire Bear," he told his daughter. "But Lucy will help you find it. Won't you, Luce?"

"Of course." The rocker smiled. "How hard can finding a blankie be?"

Kendall just laughed. "I'll see you two later." He planted a kiss on the top of Claire's head, glanced at Lucy for a brief moment, and then left, closing the door behind him.

"I have the feeling that he enjoys dumping you on me," Lucy said to Claire jokingly.

The three year old covered her mouth and giggled, not completely understanding the rocker's words. Lucy smirked and laughed along.

"Come on rockstar, let's go find your blankie." She laughed harder at the hilarity of those words strung together. "Oh my gosh, if my band mates heard me say something like that," she said out loud, poking Claire in the tummy.

Claire took Lucy's hand, grinning from ear to ear. "You gotta play guitar first," she told her.

"What about finding your blankie?" Lucy let herself be led towards the instrument.

" _Later_ ," Claire bargained.

Lucy picked up the guitar with an overdramatized sigh. "Okay fine. Play first, find blankie later."

Claire jumped up and down excitedly. "Yes!" she crowed.

.:.:.:.

Kendall slammed closed the door of his jeep. It was about 9:30, and the sun had set a while ago. Practice had run late because he had _made_ it run late. Half the team had been in a bad mood, and that had started fights. After the third one he had just let them go at it. It had put _him_ in a bad mood.

He opened his apartment door to find all the lights off and the tv glowing from around the corner. That wasn't surprising on its own; he expected Claire to be in bed and Lucy watching tv, waiting up for him.

He tossed his keys and whistle in the bowl by the door before walking further into the room. When he rounded the dividing wall, his theory was confirmed as far as Lucy was watching tv. However, Claire wasn't in bed. She was curled up fast asleep against Lucy's side.

Lucy turned her gaze towards him, offering up a soft smile when he came into view. And suddenly Kendall found himself with the urge to crawl onto the couch and bury his face in the rocker's lap, and maybe she'd run her fingers through his hair as he vented about his day. They had done that once or twice when they were teenagers; they had been really close friends and had understood one another. Except now they'd tuck Claire into her bed before they fell into their own, and would drift to sleep in each other's arms.

He had no idea when calling his bed 'their' bed became acceptable, nor if she would ever trust him like that again thanks to his being an ass in their past, but it was everything he could never do with Jo, and everything he wanted to do with Lucy. The abruptness and intensity of that want surprised him.

All of this went through his head within only a few moments. Instead of acting on it however, Kendall turned around and headed to into the kitchen. "Did she not want to go to sleep for you?" he asked Lucy, motioning towards Claire before opening the fridge.

"We couldn't find her blankie," she admitted. "I didn't think that three year olds knew how to procrastinate, but she made me sing at least twenty songs before we started looking."

Kendall chuckled, able to picture the scenario perfectly. He pulled the gallon of milk out and was ready to close the fridge, but he paused. He looked over at Lucy. "Where did you look for her blankie?"

Lucy waved a hand, careful not to shift Claire too much. "Her room, the toy bin out here. Ah- your room." She bit her lip, and Kendall wondered silently about her word fumble.

"Did you check the fridge?" he asked, pulling a scrap of red cloth out.

Lucy looked at it, dumbfounded. "Why on earth would I check in the fridge?"

"Because Claire likes playing house," Kendall explained with a quiet laugh. He poured himself a glass of milk before putting the gallon back and bringing the small blanket over to Lucy and a sleeping Claire. "Last time it was in one of the pots."

Lucy took the blankie, still marveling at its hiding place. "I would have never thought of that," she elaborated needlessly.

Kendall hummed in acknowledgement as he took a sip of milk and settled on the couch, allowing himself to sit close to her, but resisting from leaning in and pressing himself against her like he wanted. He knew she probably still hated him deep down because of everything. Because of Jo. Because he screwed up.

He had realized at practice today, amidst the fights and drills, that he was actually concentrating on the team and the game and not on his personal life. He could only accredit that accomplishment to Lucy. He felt… better. That's the only way he could describe it. He didn't know if Lucy was aware of her role in that.

The sound of his own name resurfaced him from his thoughts.

"Kendall? You all right?" Even in the dim light from the tv he could see the concern shining from the deepest parts of her brown eyes.

"The team was just ruthless today," he answered, censoring his response even as he was entranced into replying by her gaze. "They decided that beating each other to a pulp was an adequate substitute for their workout."

Lucy rolled her eyes. " _Boys_ ," she scoffed. She smiled softly at Kendall, and he returned the gesture. He couldn't help it, just like he couldn't help the large yawn that followed it.

Lucy laughed quietly and flicked off the tv before gathering Claire to her chest and standing up. "I think it's time for bed," she chuckled. The rocker shifted Claire's weight to one arm, holding her free hand out to Kendall. "Come on."

He set his empty glass down and smiled up at her, took her hand, and let her pull him to his feet. "Bed actually sounds pretty good," he agreed as he watched Lucy drop his hand and readjust her grip on Claire.

"You had dinner right?" she asked quietly as they made their way down the hall.

"Yeah, I grabbed something from the cafeteria before practice," he whispered back. He interpreted her lack of response as satisfaction, and turned into their room- there it was again. He meant their _shared_ room, because thinking of it as just 'their' room was weird… right?

Kendall shook his head to clear it as he closed the bedroom door silently. He pulled his clothes off and tossed them in the hamper before slipping into his pajamas.

He opened the door back up as Lucy was just leaving Claire's room. The look on her face made him smile; it was gentle joy and softness with a happy smile that was more evident in her eyes than actually on her face. "I'll be right in," he told her as she passed him heading into the bedroom. She nodded, and he stepped into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Lucy's smile and shining eyes danced around in Kendall's head, making him glad that using a toothbrush was mostly a mindless task. However he still found himself staring at his reflection with his toothbrush hanging motionless out of his mouth more than once as he tried to pinpoint the exact emotions he felt racing through his brain.

The only easily recognizable one was guilt. Guilt for dropping Lucy when they were teenagers, guilt for being happy and feeding the thoughts he had about the rocker _this_ soon after his divorce. Yes, it has been well over half a year, but he-

…he couldn't remember the last time he had thought about wanting Jo.

He couldn't _remember_.

He held his reflection's gaze, unsure if he should be worried or ecstatic. A wave of despair swept through him as the thought of what he lost surfaced in his head. It was overrun just as swiftly when an image of Lucy smiling reappeared, smothering every emotion except for happiness.

His reflection was smiling at him, and it took a few moments for Kendall to realize that that meant _he_ was smiling, with his toothbrush hanging stupidly out of his mouth.

He finished his teeth and rinsed his mouth out, and basically had himself convinced by then that he shouldn't talk to Lucy about any of it. Even through his happiness there was the spiking guilt from his behavior _before_. The odds that she would care about him at all had been slim. He was glad that they were getting along again, and confessing that she had helped him in moving towards getting over his ex wife might cause the boat to rock. He didn't want to push it.

So he left the bathroom and went into their, _his_ , room, saying nothing except a murmured "goodnight" as he settled in bed.

.:.:.:.

Lucy glanced from the clock on the wall to the door to the gathering clouds outside the window. Again. It was Thursday evening and the scheduled thunderstorm was right on time. However Kendall wasn't.

Okay, he wasn't exactly _late_ , seeing as practice was due to end only ten minutes ago, but Lucy thought he should know better than to stay out later than he needed to when a thunderstorm was ready to break.

Okay, the wind had barely picked up, but the sky looked threatening enough for a dozen storms.

And okay, maybe she was scared of them.

Her eyes made their round once more, this time stopping on Claire as she tucked one of her stuffed animals in the small doll bed near her toy bin. The three year old was explaining to it that it was going to have to sleep out here because there wasn't enough room in her bed, but not to worry because tomorrow night it would be someone else's turn. The rocker smiled at the little girl's words, forcing herself to take a deep breath.

Just as she was exhaling in attempt to rid herself of her irrational worry, the apartment door opened and in walked Kendall. Lucy surprised herself with how relieved she was.

"Hey," she greeted him with a renewed smile.

Kendall smirked in response. "Hey Luce. How'd your day go?"

Lucy got up as Claire ran towards Kendall. "Oh, good. I spent my time taking care of your spawn," she added teasingly on her way past him to the kitchen. "You know, the usual. I made dinner, too. It's my mom's casserole recipe, so if it's bad you can't blame me."

Kendall followed her, his daughter in his arms. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to," she replied honestly, meeting his green eyes briefly before leaning against the counter next to the stove and looking at the floor, a blush tracing her cheek bones. "You've been working," she shrugged, "and all I've been doing is writing songs and playing with Claire.

Kendall chuckled as he settled Claire in her chair at the table. "Neither of which are feats that can be easily overlooked."

Lucy laughed and turned toward the casserole, which sat steaming on the counter. She picked up the serving spoon, only to squeal and spring to the side at a poke in her ribs. "Hey!" She held the spoon between her and Kendall like a weapon.

Kendall returned her faux serious glare with a grin and smiling eyes. "Go sit down. Let me serve it," he offered, holding his hand out.

Lucy hugged the spoon to her chest, a mocking smirk cracking through her stern mask. "I think I can handle it."

"It's called a favor, Luce." He saw the come-and-get-me invitation gleam in her eyes, and who was he to resist? He darted forward, face still split in a large grin. Lucy made to turn away, letting out a shriek of laughter when Kendall's arms wrapped around her from behind. He picked her up and spun her around, egged on by Claire's ceaseless giggling and Lucy's side-splitting laughter.

A faint rumble of thunder echoed in the distance, and Kendall managed to get his hands on the spoon. Lucy relented with an invisible eye roll to cover her flinch, letting him have it.

"Thank you," he breathed warmly against her neck before releasing her and moving away to gather plates.

Lucy managed to find her seat, dazed in a state of _what just happened_ with a smile still shaping her lips.

Dinner was done quickly, and Kendall assured Lucy that it was delicious. In that short time though, the thunderstorm had picked up. It wasn't quite enough to be considered full-blown, but Lucy had the inside of her cheeks chewed up regardless.

"Do you want to do the dishes or get Claire ready for bed?" Kendall asked, his obliviousness a sign that maybe Lucy was a better actress than she thought.

"Go take care of your daughter," the rocker told him in an easy tone. "I've got the dishes."

He smiled. "Alright. Come on, Claire Bear." He picked the toddler up and set her on her feet. "Pajamas first, then teeth."

Claire's response was lost on Lucy as she slumped over once Kendall was out of sight. She rested her forehead on the table, letting out a deep sigh. Her fear of thunderstorms was borderline embarrassing, and even though she hated keeping more than she had to from Kendall, she didn't want him to know something so ridiculous.

With a second shuttering sigh, Lucy pulled herself up and gathered up the used dishes. Standing over the kitchen sink, the hardcore rockguitar goddess flinched every time the sky rumbled. She needed a distraction and, lucky for her, one was presented practically gift-wrapped.

"Settle down, Claire." Kendall's voice drifted down the hall just as Lucy was finishing with the last plate. "It's just a bunch of rain and noise. Here, how about I sing you a song? Will you sleep then?"

Lucy smiled at Claire's innocent, "yeah!"

There were footsteps in the hall and she assumed Kendall grabbed his guitar before his steps retreated back to Claire's room. "All right, now which song to play…" he mused with dramatic flair.

Lucy put the last dish away before treading quietly to the mouth of the hallway, where she crossed her arms and leaned a shoulder against the wall to listen.

"Ah-ha! I know the perfect song." Kendall started strumming, and the rocker smiled at the sound. It had been too long since the last time she heard him play. Her smile widened when he began to sing.

__**I've had a lot of those Friday night good times  
See you later baby, maybe kiss you good night  
Something's different I can't get you off of my mind**

__**I thought about you on a Monday, Tuesday**  
Rest of the week I couldn't even try to concentrate  
Cause all I wanted was another look at your face  
You gotta be with me

 __ **'Cause it's not everyday you find somebody like**  
Find somebody like you  
It's not everyday you find somebody like  
Find somebody like you  
Be my everyday girl

He paused there, chords fading out, and Lucy couldn't resist wondering who he was singing about. She didn't dare hope it was her.

"No, daddy," Claire protested sleepily. "You have to finish." She spoke the words Lucy wanted to say.

Kendall chuckled quietly and began strumming his guitar again. "Alright, I'll finish."

__**You're anything but ordinary, far from typical  
The way you dress, the way you think so unpredictable  
I look into your eyes and I believe in miracles**

__**'Cause it's not everyday you find somebody like**  
Find somebody like you  
It's not everyday you find somebody like  
Find somebody like you  
Be my everyday girl

 __ **'Cause it's not everyday you find somebody like**  
Find somebody like you  
Need you everyday girl  
It's not everyday you find somebody like  
Find somebody like you  
Be my everyday girl

 __ **Everyday, I run away**  
To your voice, call my name  
Girl just say, that you'll stay  
Forever and a day  
Forever everyday

It's not everyday you find somebody like  
Find somebody like you

 __ **'Cause it's not everyday you find somebody like**  
Find somebody like you  
No it's not everyday you find somebody like  
Find somebody like you  
Be my everyday girl

 __ **'Cause it's not everyday you find somebody like**  
Find somebody like you  
Need you everyday girl  
No it's not everyday you find somebody like  
Find somebody like you  
Be my everyday girl  
Be my everyday girl

The last word dropped off, and the lack of protest meant Claire had fallen asleep. Lucy pushed herself off the wall and slipped into her and Kendall's room before he came out of Claire's.

A crack of thunder cut her blissful feeling to shreds and defined just what kind of night it was going to be.

.:.:.:.

It wasn't until about midnight when the storm really gained momentum, but that wasn't what woke Kendall up.

"Are you alright?" he whispered over the sound the raging storm.

Lucy turned over again. A flash of lightening briefly revealed her facing him, tense, eyes squeezed shut. He felt her jump when an ear-splitting rumble of thunder crashed overhead. "Yeah I'm fine," she said breathlessly. "Why do you ask?"

Kendall wasn't sure if her response came with sarcasm or not. "You're fidgeting," he replied, curiosity colouring his hushed voice. "And you seem tense."

The rocker's eyes snapped open to glare at him, their usual deep brown turned a shiny black in the darkness. She opened her mouth to shoot back a biting comment, but her fierce front melted in the face of another flash of lightening, quickly followed by its crack of thunder. She closed her eyes tightly once again, gritting her teeth.

Sudden realization slid into Kendall's mind. "You're afraid of thunderstorms." It wasn't a question, so he didn't say it like one. All her little actions all day clicked and made more sense.

"I am not," Lucy denied through her teeth. Yet another loud bolt of lightning caused her to jump, emitting a very girlish squeak as she buried her face against Kendall's chest. Shock froze him for a moment before he reacted instinctively, wrapping his arms around her shaking frame.

"Okay fine, I'm scared," she relented, her voice muffled against his shirt. "Happy now?"

Kendall shook his head, even though he knew that she couldn't see it. "Why would that make me happy?" he asked, a bit confused.

Lucy's only response was to burrow against him further, the product of more thunder and the wind picking up. Rain was blasted against the windows.

"Come on, Luce," he murmured, "it's just a bunch of rain and noise."

She abruptly pushed herself up, bringing her face close to Kendall's so that there was only a few inches separating them. It was close enough for him to see moisture beaded on her eyelashes. "A 'bunch of rain and noise' murdered my parents," she told him venomously.

Her raw voice and her words combined to make Kendall flinch. "I didn't-"

Thunder like a gunshot made Lucy's face crumple in sorrow and terror. She cowered against Kendall's chest again. "Just shut up," she choked out quietly. Then louder, "shut up!"

He held the rockstar against him tightly, a mixture of hushing and humming vibrating from his chest in an attempt to sooth her. The warm spot on his t-shirt told him that she was crying and her breaths dragged out of her lungs like they didn't want to leave.

Kendall tightened his grip even more, knowing that counter-pressure was supposed to help. He wondered silently how long her grief had been bottled up. But he didn't ask; she had let him grieve and vent, he wanted to be there for her too.

"Tell me what I can do, Luce," he said into her hair desperately.

Lucy pulled back only enough so she could see his face. "I- I need you to distract me," she murmured uncertainly.

Kendall nodded. He could do that. He'd do anything for her. "Okay, what kind of-" The words were swallowed when her lips met his. She had caught him by surprise, but he guessed that he could put this under the 'anything' category of things he'd do for her.

It began as a soft inquiry, but soon grew in hunger and intensity when he kissed her back. He felt guilt at first, like maybe he was taking advantage of the situation, but that was soon overpowered by how _right_ it felt. It was unexpected, but not necessarily unwelcome. Not at all.

Lucy's hands slowly slid up his chest under his shirt, and their kiss was interrupted only long enough for her to slid it off over his head.

This was certainly a distraction.


	14. Prove It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Guys I'm sorry! You beautiful people who haven't given up on me, I'm sorry! College is horrible! (not really) The work is atrocious (really) and has been taking up all my time. I have been trying to work on this, and have been on an off, but I'm not really happy with it :/ I don't know. I might re-write this chapter, but you never know. Tell me what you guys think, kay?
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR is not mine.
> 
> \- Shadow

Lucy woke up to the sensation of soft kisses being peppered over her bare shoulders. "Time to wake up," murmured an achingly familiar voice against her ear.

She smiled warmly, but didn't open her eyes or move. "Five more minutes," she groggily begged.

Kendall chuckled. "Come on, Luce, storm's over. Claire's going to be up soon."

His words sent the memories from last night rushing back into her head. The rocker's eyes shot open and she abruptly turned over and sat up, holding the bed sheet against her bare chest. Kendall backed off just in time to avoid getting smashed in the face with her shoulder. "Whoa!" he gasped as he landed back on his elbows.

"Oh god. That actually happened, didn't it?" Lucy asked guiltily, looking at him for confirmation. Kendall opened his mouth to reply, but the purpling bite marks on his shoulder were enough of an answer. "Oh god it did," she groaned. "Oh god, oh god, oh god." She pulled the sheet over her head and laid back as embarrassment and shame washed over her.

How could she have let last night happen? As heartbroken, scared, and hurt as she was, she could have set things back and undone everything that's happened in the past two and a half weeks. What the hell was she thinking? Nothing, that's what. She could've-

"Lucy!" The tone of his voice suggested that it wasn't the first time he had called her name. The covers were taken off of her head, revealing to her his amused expression. "Calm down. Was it that bad?"

Lucy looked up at him in shock. "Was it-" Was he really asking her that? What was going on in his head? "Of course it wasn't BAD," she blurted, before clamping her mouth shut.

Kendall's mouth twitched with a suppressed smile. "Then what's the problem?"

Lucy chewed on her lower lip, and Kendall's face fell a margin. "There isn't a problem... is there?" he asked tentatively.

She would give anything, ANYTHING, to know what he was thinking.

"We should get dressed," she said, avoiding the question. Her heart hammered unsteadily in her chest as he watched her pull away and slide out of their bed.

 _His bed, his bed!_ she berated herself.

Now that she's been presented with exactly what she wanted, she baulked. She didn't want to screw things up anymore than they already were; she didn't feel like Kendall was completely over Jo. How could he be? And she refused to be a rebound. It'd be a repeat of exactly what happened before, and she was NOT going back there.

Lucy grabbed fresh clothes from her duffel and pulled them on without looking back at Kendall.

"Lucy." He sat up, trying to get her to look at him. She ignored him.

"We used a condom, right?" she paused to ask after pulling on a shirt.

"Yes of course. But- Lucy!"

The rocker, fully dressed, gathered her hair brush off of the dresser before walking out of the room, closing the door firmly behind her.

Kendall got out of bed to grab his clothes too, but stopped when he heard the apartment door shut a bit harder than completely necessary. He changed course and donned the pajama pants that had been discarded last night and rushed out of his room to watch out the kitchen window as Lucy's bolack camaro slid out of the driveway and pealed down the street, out of sight.

He had no idea what just happened, only that Lucy was gone, had _run away_ , and he was left confused.

The quick pounding of small feet as Claire ran down the hall served as a temporary distraction. Mostly.

She ran into the living room and picked up a stuffed animal from her doll bed. It was the stuffed tiger, Mo, that Jo had gotten her as a souvenir from one of her movie sets. Claire hugged Mo tightly against her chest, apologizing for leaving him out here when there was such a bad storm outside. Kendall smiled weakly at his daughter's antics.

Mo seemed to have forgiven her, because Claire then walked up to Kendall, stuffed tiger still in her arms. "Good morning, daddy," she greeted innocently with a wide child's grin.

"Morning, baby girl," he replied, synthetically broadening his smile. "How'd you sleep last night?"

"Gooooood," she giggled, drawing out the 'o'. Claire raised her arms, Mo still in her hands, indicating she'd like to be picked up.

"That's good," Kendall chuckled distractedly as he hoisted her up into his arms. He turned toward the fridge and grabbed a box of cereal from on top. "Want some breakfast, Claire?"

His daughter ignored his words, instead opting to point at the bruises on his shoulder. "You got boo-boos, daddy," she informed him curiously.

Kendall's eyes widened almost guiltily. He felt like he was being scolded. "Yeah," he sighed. "Daddy did something pretty stupid."

"You're not stupid," she reassured with a giggle as Kendall set her down in her chair at the table.

Kendall sighed. "Some people would beg to differ." He poked Claire on the nose with a finger, causing her to giggle some more, before turning around to grab a bowl, spoon, and the milk. His face fell into a frown as soon as Claire couldn't see.

"Where's Lucy?" the three year old suddenly asked.

Kendall's frown deepened. "She had to go somewhere." _Away from him._ "She'll be back later." _He hoped._

"Okay." A few seconds of silence was all Claire could manage before she was talking again. "When we going to Grammy Knight's?"

"A few days," he answered distantly.

Claire chatted on all the way through breakfast about how excited she was to see Grammy Knight and Auntie Katie and Uncle 'los is bringing his doggie, right?

Kendall answered when he had to, smiling at how animated his daughter was in her explanations. He paid attention as best he could, but for the most part his mind was elsewhere.

.:.:.:.

Lucy stopped her pacing through the mall to sit on a bench across from a pretzel place. The smells were tantalizing, but she couldn't even think about eating. The only thought her brain would supply was that she had done _exactly_ what she said she wouldn't.

She wanted to bash her head against a wall for how stupid she had been, but settled for resting it in her hands instead. Before she could completely drown in regret and guilt however, a voice drug her back to the surface.

"You wouldn't mind sharing your bench with a weary old woman, would you?"

The rocker hastily rubbed at her eyes before casting a quick, polite glance up and replying, "Sarah! Of course not," as levelly as she could. She scooted over to one side to make room, her face tilted away from the nanny. No need for her to watcher her internally beat herself up. Apparently thought she could see it anyway.

"You seem like you have a lot on your mind," Sarah prompted gently.

Lucy huffed out a short laugh. "You know us young people," she said with false humor, "can't make up our minds enough to get anything done." She glanced up to see a smile on the woman's slightly wrinkled face at her sarcastic reply.

"Are you sure that's it?" she asked like she genuinely cared.

Lucy buried her face back into her hands, eyes closed. "I did something I swore I wasn't going to do," she supplied before she could stop herself. "It probably didn't help _anything_. But I don't- _can't_ regret it. And I'm kind of mad at myself for it."

She looked up a third time to see Sarah nodding with a wry smile. "I believe your situation is similar to one I found myself in a long time ago." Sarah gave her a knowing look. "I then married him and was with him for forty-eight years."

Lucy smirked. "What happened?"

The nanny sighed. "He passed away a few years ago."

"I'm so sorry," the rocker murmured sympathetically, a bit surprised by Sarah's blunt tone.

The old woman's smile returned. "Don't be. Forty eight years with him was worth forty-eight lifetimes without. It's like that when you find the one you're meant to be with."

Lucy wasn't sure why she was confessing everything, but it felt good to say out loud. "Kendall's just- we have history, y'know? And it's… messy," she concluded in a flat tone.

Sarah rested her hand on Lucy's arm, her face holding an amused expression. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

Lucy paused to think about it for a second. Of course she did. She had fallen in love with him years ago. But would acting on those feelings be smart? "I just don't want to get hurt again," she replied honestly.

"If he's still I your heart, there has to be a reason."

The rocker huffed out a dry laugh, but silently pondered her words.

Suddenly Sarah straightened up. "I hate to leave in such a rush, but if you could excuse me, the girls are here." She motioned across the alley before walking away, but Lucy didn't look up when she murmured a goodbye; her thoughts were distractingly jumbled up and far away.

.:.:.:.

Later that afternoon, Kendall was sitting on the couch with Claire, showing her where to put her fingers on the guitar neck to strum a G, when the door opened. Lucy stepped into the apartment.

"Lucy!" Claire squealed, wiggling off of her father's lap to run towards the rocker. Lucy crouched down with open arms to catch the three year old, the smile on her face completely genuine.

"Hey, rockstar! How was your day?" Lucy didn't look up at Kendall when he stood up, guitar slung over his back by the strap, and walked closer to them.

"Good!" Claire exclaimed happily. "Daddy's been teaching me guitar."

Lucy gasped dramatically, her smile widening. "Really? Wow!"

The little girl vigorously nodded her head. "Yes!" she gushed," but I not as good as you."

The rocker laughed and brushed a few strands of blonde hair out of Claire's face, revealing the full extent of the three year old's pouty expression. "That's alright, sweetheart. You'll get there. It just takes practice." With a swift glance up toward Kendall, Lucy added, "why don't you go use my guitar?" They needed to talk, and distracting Claire would only make it easier.

"Really!?" Claire squealed, all wide eyes and bright smile.

"Yes, really," Lucy replied, motioning toward the hallway. "Just don't drop it."

With a shouted promise of "I won't!", Claire darted toward the instrument, leaving nothing between Kendall and Lucy.

The rocker stood up and looked directly at him, her thoughts racing as she tried to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. For some reason a blunt _I'm in love with you, get over Jo_ wouldn't exactly work, even if it's what she felt he needed to hear. However Kendall spoke first, saving her for the time being.

"What did I do wrong, Luce?" he asked quietly so as not to be overheard by Claire.

Lucy almost visibly flinched at how quick he was to take the blame. "You didn't do anythi-" she tried in the same hushed tone, but he cut her off.

"I obviously did _something_ to make you upset enough to leave instead of talking things through." He held Lucy's gaze, his eyes shining with a want to understand. "We used to be able to talk about anything. What happened?"

Lucy looked away. "You left me," she shot back, struggling to keep her voice down. She knew that she wasn't being totally fair- that happened years ago –but the similarity of the situations, both then and now, was painfully uncanny. "I was just starting to fall in love with you," she added in a whisper, "and you left."

Kendall opened his mouth, closed it before saying anything, then opened it again. "Luce-"

She lifted her gaze to his abruptly, a sharp 'what' hanging unspoken in the air between them.

"Luce," he repeated, gentler, "I… I'm sorry. For leaving you. I'm sorry."

Lucy sighed, watching her hands intensely. "It's not your fault," she murmured, trying to be reasonable even as it left the taste of a lie on her tongue. "You and Jo had history. It only made sense you went back with her."

After a moment of hesitation, Kendall stepped forward into Lucy's personal space, forcing her to look back up at him. "It _is_ my fault. Jo and I- apparently I saw something that wasn't there." Lucy looked like she was going to interrupt, but Kendall kept talking. "I made a mistake. And these past few weeks managed to prove to me how _stupid_ I was. It's- just… What Jo and I had worked. It was simple. Easy. But you and I?" He lowered his head a bit towards hers so their foreheads were almost touching. "Everytime I look at you, I don't ever want to look away and it scares me. I can't _breathe_ half the time when we're in the same room, but when you leave all I want is for you to come back." He huffed out a quiet chuckle. "You're loud, and blunt…" After a pause he added, "you always speak your mind. And you're kinda mysterious. And you're an awesome cheek kisser.

Lucy sighed and silently smiled at the familiarity of the end of Kendall's speech. But she quickly sobered up. "Even if half of that is true," she told him quietly, "you still _left_. How is this time any different? What if Jo comes _back_?"

"Lucy-"

"How do I know I can trust you?"

They stared at each other, Lucy defiant yet timid, Kendall determined and hurt, trying to gauge each other's thoughts.

"You can't," Kendall said slowly, choosing his words carefully as he stared intently into Lucy's eyes. "You can't trust me; not yet. But let me show you."

Lucy searched his eyes, wondering if she could find the answers she wanted in them. There was _something_ in their green depths, but she couldn't figure out what.

Kendall pulled back and ran a hand through his hair, still close enough for his breath to ghost across Lucy's face. "I didn't realize how much I missed you until you came back. But I _missed_ _you_ , Luce. And I regret hurting you. I made a _mistake_. I made the wrong decision, and I won't ever be able to take it back, no matter how much I want to. And yes, I _want to_."

"I've never stopped liking you, Kendall," she murmured, "and I would love to be able to love you like I've never been broken. But you left once. How can I be sure that putting myself out there won't result in me getting hurt again?"

"I won't-"

"Then _prove it._ " Lucy took a bold step forward. She had no idea where her caution went, but at this moment she honestly didn't miss it. Some things needed to be said. "You want to show me? Then. Prove. It." She poked him in the chest at each syllable. The next words out of her mouth made her heart flutter at the truthfulness of them. "I would _love_ for us to work out. But I need to know I can trust you." The rocker leaned forward on the balls of her feet with a coy smile, and planted a chaste kiss on his cheek. His stubble tickled her lips. "So prove it," she murmured against his ear.

Lucy pulled away before Kendall could recover, and walked away toward the living room where Claire was sitting on the couch. Lucy's guitar across her lap looked adorably oversized. "Hey rockstar, you're sounding a little flat."

"It won't make noise!" the three year old wailed.

Lucy laughed like her heart wasn't pounding from the butterflies in her stomach. "Well you have to plug it in, silly." Did she really just say all that to Kendall? Because how much she wanted this to work out surprised her. Shocked her. _Scared_ her. But she _wanted_ it to work.

And if she knew Kendall at all (which she felt as if she had reason to claim as much), and he really _was_ serious, he wouldn't rest until she was fully convinced.


	15. Slowly, But Getting There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so day after Christmas. Close enough, right? ._. Don't eat me. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: Well, I didn't get BTR for Christmas, so onto plan B.
> 
> -Shadow

Kendall chuckled at Lucy's groan, earning him a well-aimed elbow in the ribs.

"Claire, keep your hat on!" the rocker scolded across the park. The three year old standing by the swings froze before quickly shoving her knit hat back on her head and whipping around to look at her dad and Lucy.

"It is on!" she shouted back before darting over to the jungle gym.

Lucy leaned back against the picnic table with a fond eye roll while Kendall, sitting closely next to her, chuckled again.

"What are you laughing at?" she snapped, both her teasing grin and the laughter in her voice showing that her hostility was just a show.

Kendall shook his head, not even trying to stifle his laughter. "Nothing," he lied, flashing her a grin.

Lucy returned the gesture, her smile more of a mischievous smirk. "Is that so?" she asked, leaning slightly towards him.

Kendall's laugh was more nervous this time around, his every sense hyper-aware of the rockstar's close proximity.

Lucy's breath ghosted warmly across his face as she exhaled, her closeness bringing with it a mixture of intoxicating smells consisting mainly of cinnamon, perfume, and leather that seemed to fog up Kendall's brain. Her smirk turned coy when she saw that she had the man's undivided attention. "What were you laughing at?" she repeated, her voice as smooth as silk.

Kendall leaned towards her, bringing their faces mere centimeters apart. Lucy swore she felt his lips graze hers when he spoke. "She never listens to me that well," he reasoned.

The rocker entertained a softer smile and pulled back, even though every muscle in her body wanted nothing more than to lean in and close the gap between them. She knew he was lying –or at least not telling her everything. Claire did exactly everything he asked. Lucy mentally shrugged. It wasn't her place to pry, even if she _was_ curious, and in all honesty, she wasn't shure if she would like the answer if he was to be completely honest. Claire was listening to her very well, and she had no idea what that meant.

While this was going through her head, Lucy's eyes were on Kendall's face, gauging his reaction. She had blinked rapidly when he had initially pulled back, but since then his face grew pensive and his gaze far off and unfocused. She recognized that look as his 'thinking-about-deep-stuff' look, and wondered if he was thinking about talking to Claire.

She hoped he was. That would make him one step closer to meeting her stipulations, and the rockstar's resolve to see them through was crumbling faster than she had hoped.

But thinking about it was easier than doing it.

Kendall had watched Lucy lean in, watched her hypnotic gaze –exactly the same as he remembered it –as she teased, and then watched as she just as quickly pulled back and away from him, leaving a suspiciously empty hole in his chest. It all brought him to one aching conclusion; he wanted very badly to kiss Lucy Stone.

This brought his thoughts around to their conversation two nights before, and what Lucy had said about the mess that was her and him, and him and Jo.

The worst part was that he could see it. He could see every little detail as she described it, and he hated himself for what he had done.

But he had a second chance. A do-over. The past couldn't be completely erased, but Lucy was giving him a _second chance_.

 _One step at a time,_ he told himself. So first, step one.

Step one was talking to Claire. He had no idea where to start with that. How were you supposed to tell a little girl her mom wasn't going to come back? Well, not if he could help it.

It was that moment that Claire decided to run up to them, sand stuck to her knees and coat sleeves.

"Daddy, my castle won't stay up!" she complained.

Lucy looked at Kendall, who seemed to be shaken out of his thoughts. "Why won't it stay up?" he asked distractedly.

Claire pointed back at the nearly empty sand box. "Because I need your help!" she squealed happily, blonde curls bouncing against her rosey-red cheeks.

Lucy nudged Kendall with her elbow once again, this time to bring his attention back to the present. "Wha- oh!" he shook his head to clear it. Dwelling on these things wouldn't make them happen; he had to act. "Of course I'll help you build your castle." He stood up and grabbed her hand. "Come on, sweetheart."

Kendall was stopped by Lucy's hand on his other arm. "Here's your chance," she told him with a swift glance toward Claire and back before letting him go. He was then pulled along by his daughter and broke eye contact with the rockstar. He marveled at her words on the way to the sandbox.

He hadn't said anything out loud, had he? So how was it that Lucy knew what he was thinking? He could only assume she had been talking about telling Claire about Jo, going by her pointed look towards the three year old. Was he that easy to read?

Or… was it possible that Lucy wanted him to go through with convincing her just as much as he did?

Claire let go of his hand when they reached the sandbox.

"Where do you want me to start?" he asked her, crouching down in the damp sand.

"We need a wall," she instructed while she knelt down a foot away. "I'ma work on the king's room."

The pair worked in silence for a few minutes, each doing their best to mold the sand with their hands into a shape that resembled some sort of architectural structure. Kendall had to admit that Claire's project looked a tad better than his.

After a few more moments, Kendall paused his work and stared down at his hands. "Hey Claire?"

"Yeah daddy?" she responded, not stopping in her construction of four solid walls.

Kendall tried to figure out a way to phrase what he wanted to say. "Do you- um, ever wonder where mommy went?"

Claire looked up at him, her eyebrows meeting over her scrunched-up nose in puzzlement. "Nooo…" she replied, drawing out the 'o'. "Mommy's right over there." She looked away and pointed back the way they had come before going back to her building.

Kendall wasn't sure what he expected when he turned around. Jo walking up to them, maybe. Or Jo standing behind him. It was definitely a bolt of panic that shot through him as he turned his head.

Out of all the possible scenarios running through his mind though, the last thing he expected was for his eyes to land on Lucy sitting at the picnic table where he had left her, fiddling with her phone and completely at ease.

Kendall was struck speechless. He quickly replayed the last couple of weeks in his head and realized that all that Lucy had been doing –taking care of Claire, taking care of _him_ –was definitely something she would do if she _was_ Claire's mom. And hadn't he been secretly teasing her about it a few minutes ago? Not that he told her that, but he's starting to think that he should. He was getting comfortable with the thought.

"Okay," he continued eventually, turning back to Claire as curiosity began to fuel the conversation. "But what about your _mom_ , Jo? You know, sweet smile, hair like yours?"

Claire tilted her head like she was really thinking. "Oh," she said after a bit. Then, in the most nonchalant voice he's ever heard, his daughter added, "mom's not coming back."

Kendall's mind was blown. The words coming out of Claire mouth would have shocked him on their own coming from her, but the tone she delivered them in was the icing on the cake. "What makes you say that?" he asked incredulously. He had no idea how to react.

Claire looked at her father once again. With a jolt, Kendall recognized the look she was giving him; it was the look Jo had given him at the times he was being particularly dense, just in miniature. "'cause _Lucy's_ here," she told him, stressing each syllable. Then she frowned. " _She's_ not leaving, is she?"

Kendall stared at his daughter, a disbelieving smile slowly spreading across his face. He really shouldn't underestimate his daughter. "I hope not," he told her truthfully, realizing that this conversation could have gone a lot differently. He was thankful it hadn't.

They continued quietly building in the sand for a while after that, Kendall feeling lighter than he has in a long time. Eventually Claire left to go play on the jungle gym some more before they had to go home, leaving Kendall to brush off his hands and return to Lucy.

"How big of a castle did you guys build?" the rocker inquired as Kendall stopped in front of her.

"Huge," he laughed, her voice leaving his chest full of warmth. His grin lit up his whole face. "There's at least four bedrooms, and a massive wall which, y'know," he shrugged, "not that I'm bragging or anything, is pretty impressive."

Lucy laughed along with him, giving him a knowing smile. "So I take it the talk went well?"

Kendall was about to answer, but a bubbly voice cut in and interrupted him before he could say anything.

"Kendall? Ohmygosh! Imagine meeting you here."

Kendall grimaced and shot Lucy a pleading glance before pasting on an easy smile and turning toward the intruder. "I come here every Sunday with Claire, Bonnie," he said politely, "just like you do with Tucker."

Lucy forced away a chuckle and scooted over so she could see the newcomer around Kendall. 'Bonnie' was a woman who looked a couple of years younger than they were with what was obviously died-blonde hair and a somewhat over-bearing grin that spread from ear to ear. The rocker raised an eyebrow and looked back at Kendall, who was giving her another pleading look.

"Lucy, this is Bonnie Miller," he introduced. "She teaches sixth grade at the school."

Lucy returned her gaze to Bonnie, intent on a polite but disinterested hello, only to find that the other woman hadn't even spared her a glance. The faux-blonde's eyes were glued to Kendall in a way that brought one word to Lucy's mind;

Fangirl. And one of the crazy ones at that.

Kendall's pleading looks were much more understandable now. Bonnie probably _was_ just a few years younger than them, putting her at the perfect age to have been a fan when BTR was at the peak of their career. She didn't even attempt to hide her smirk from him.

The silence stretched with Bonnie continuing to creepily stare at Kendall. As much as Lucy was enjoying herself, she felt like she couldn't just let the poor guy flounder around on his own. As far as fans went, he was a little out of practice. So the rocker did the first thing that came to her mind.

Lucy abruptly stood up and took a step forward, nudging Kendall back a step so she could stand between him and Bonnie, who looked like she had just been personally offended. "Hi," the rockstar said forcefully in a sweetly-fake tone, "I'm Lucy Stone. You might have heard of me. Rock guitar goddess? Employer of a six-foot-seven bodybuilder body guard?"

Bonnie looked unfazed. "And I should be… concerned?"

Lucy internally scowled. Intimidation didn't work. For a middle school teacher, she had guts, she'll give her that. On to plan B then. Lucy crossed her arms."Because I'm his girlfriend, and I don't appreciate the way you're staring at him." The words were planned –mostly –but the possessive tone they were spoken in was new.

" _You_?" Bonnie asked incredulously. The way she said it made Lucy actually scowl, but it was Kendall who responded first.

"That's uncalled for." Kendall stepped forward so his chest was flush against Lucy's back. She felt like that was more of a warning for her.

Bonnie visibly paled, but her voice was steady as she shrugged. "Sorry. Just a bit… shocked." She smiled and looked Lucy over, causing the rocker to quietly growl back in response. "Well, I'll leave you two alone then." Lucy recognized the exit for what it was; embarrassed, irritated, and finished off with a tail-tucked retreat.

"Fans," Lucy snorted once Bonnie was out of earshot, pulling away from Kendall to turn around and face him.

Kendall laughed. "She pounced on me my first day of coaching. Almost literally." He shook his head. "I thought moving all the way out here would save me from them, but apparently not. Thanks for that, by the way."

"'Apparently not'." The rockstar repeated his words mockingly. "Big Time Rush was _famous_. You had fans everywhere." She let out a short laugh. "And no problem."

Kendall shoved his hands in his pockets, giving Lucy a sly smirk. "So girlfriend, huh?"

Lucy smiled up at him. "You're getting there." She nudged him with her shoulder as she turned to look at the rest of the park. "We should round up Claire and head home soon. If we plan on leaving on time tomorrow, we might want to finish packing."

"I'll go get her," Kendall agreed, stealing a chaste kiss from Lucy's lips when she wasn't paying attention. He darted out of the way laughing when she made to playfully shove him in retaliation, but she couldn't be too mad.

It wasn't until late that night, when they were all in bed and Lucy was breathing peacefully a few inches away, that Kendall remembered that he had yet to tell Lucy about his conversation with Claire.


	16. There, But Not Quite There Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 16 yay! ( ._.)
> 
> -Shadow
> 
> Disclaimer: BTR is still not mine.

"I don't know why you didn't expect this," Lucy mocked with a smirk.

Kendall shot her a scathing look from under a pile of three full grown men. Because it's not that he _hadn't_ expected it. Just that he had thought that the guys were mature enough to _not_.

But a knee in his stomach and arms around his neck proved him wrong.

"Get off of me," he laughed, pushing at his best friends.

He, Lucy, and Claire had arrived at the airport around five in the evening (eight according to his watch, which hadn't caught up to the time zone change), after a flight that seemed endless. Kendall and Lucy were used to long plane rides as a direct result of tours and generally being famous, but Claire was not.

She had been excited when they first boarded the plane, but that had very quickly given way to boredom. Keeping her both entertained and quiet was almost impossible, but somehow they pulled it off. Mostly.

Once the fascination of being up in the clouds wore off, the window seat held no appeal. Kendall switched with her so Claire was sitting in the aisle seat, which brought Lucy to initiate a game of Eye Spy. Somehow Claire's turns lasted forever, but the adults were pretty sure that was due to the fact that Claire never actually picked an object and just enjoyed listening to Lucy make a guess out of everything. Kendall put a stop to the game however when Lucy started to make wild guesses and pointing out things like an older man's toupee or some lady's underwear. He's pretty sure the rockstar pouted more than the three year old.

He then pulled out a colouring book and crayons from his carry-on bag. That actually held Claire's attention for longer than he had thought it would, until she realized that if she dropped a crayon on the floor she was allowed to get out of her seat to pick it up. That escalated to her throwing them on the floor and then informing Lucy and her father that her crayons had fallen and she _really_ should pick them up.

Exasperated, Kendall had Lucy switch seats with Claire so that she was in the middle between them and "could do less damage," as he had put it. Lucy could tell that it was all a front, and his stern tone was barely hiding a laugh.

This was all much to the amusement of the elderly gentleman sitting across the aisle, who informed Lucy that his grandchildren did much of the same thing, and assured her that her daughter was very well behaved.

Lucy had opened her mouth to correct him, but then Claire was tugging on her sleeve and asking if she could play with her phone and promising that she'd be _really_ careful. So Lucy pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened up one of the few game apps she had on it before switching on the child lock that she had never imagined that she'd have to use.

Eventually the pilot announced over the intercom that they were close to their destination, words that Kendall and Lucy thought they couldn't ever hear soon enough. Currently Claire was sleeping, the jet lag having finally caught up to her. They had just changed time zones twice, and even Lucy and Kendall were feeling the three hours difference. The slight jarring of the wheels touching the runway was very welcome.

Kendall had picked up a drowsy Claire and carried her off of the plane, but Lucy insisted taking her when they made it to the baggage claim. Kendall gave her an odd look at how adamant she was being, but he understood as soon as he was pounced on from behind. And that's how he ended up at the bottom of a dogpile.

Logan was the first to scramble off of Kendall, dusting off his pants and clearing his throat like he hadn't just childishly tackled his best friend in the middle of a crowded airport. James and Carlos were a bit more reluctant to let him go, causing a sticky feeling of guilt to settle in his chest at the thought that maybe he had been neglecting them too much recently.

On his feet again, and huffily ignoring the quiet laughter coming from Lucy behind him, Kendall grinned at his friends. "I've missed you guys."

"Well you have a lousy way of showing it," James retorted, smacking him on the back of the head before pulling him in for a hug.

Kendall hugged his friend back, barely wincing at the smack because he obviously deserved it. "I know, and I'm sorry," he repented as James pulled away and Carlos took his place.

"Aw, don't worry about it," Carlos consoled. "We forgive you."

When he backed up Kendall held his arms open for Logan, but the forth member of their group had his arms folded across his chest and was turned away from him.

"Logan?" Kendall prompted, actually worried that his friend was mad at him.

"I don't know, man," Logan responded, "You've cut me pretty deep. It might take a while to get over this one."

The sarcasm that laced his words flooded Kendall with relief. In his best baby voice, he said confidently, "Oh come on, Logie-Bear. You can't stay mad at me."

Logan puffed out a nettly breath of air but relented and met his friend in a hug. "It is good to have you back," he told him.

Lucy had been doing her best to keep Claire quiet long enough for Kendall to reunite with the rest of the guys, but the toddler was finally awake enough to register her surroundings and let them all know she was there with a very exuberant, "Unkie Logan!"

All four guys turned their heads to Lucy and Claire, Logan's eyes lighting up comically. "Claire! You've gotten so big!" he exclaimed, shooting Lucy a curious raised-eyebrow as she handed the toddler off to him.

At the same time, James and Carlos were giving Kendall almost the exact same look.

"You didn't tell us Lucy was coming," James commented, the too-innocent glance he gave Lucy over Kendall's shoulder going unnoticed by all except her.

Kendall shrugged but didn't meet their eyes. "Lucy's been staying with me for a while, you know that."

Poorly attempting to hide her amusement at his flustered state, Lucy took a step forward so she was standing next to Kendall. "Hey James, why don't you go grab our bags," she requested pointedly, making sure he understood that it really wasn't a request at all.

"Nice to see you too," James replied with a wolfish grin before he headed off to the baggage-claim conveyor belt.

She watched after him like she was irritated, but the expression was gone as soon as someone else spoke.

"It really is nice to see you," Carlos put in as Logan handed him Claire.

Lucy smiled warmly as the three year old started drilling him with questions about his dog. "It's nice to see you too," she said, looking at Logan to extend her sentiment to him as well. "It's been _way_ to long."

Logan was about to reply when something caught his eye behind her. "Oh great," he mumbled. "Now we're never going to get out of here."

Everyone turned to see what he was looking at, collectively grumbling when they caught sight of James surrounded by five or six teenage girls.

"Glad to know that he hasn't changed in the past seven months," Kendall scoffed, only half joking. There was no doubt about the fact that he adored his fans, but he had to know that Kendall, Lucy, and Claire were exhausted.

Carlos handed Claire back to Lucy. "Don't worry, I'll go get your bags for you." The three year old didn't protest. It seemed that even her energy levels were falling toward empty.

"And I'll go get James," Logan added.

When they walked off, Kendall looked down at Lucy, amusement written all over his face. "Regretting your decision to spend Thanksgiving with us yet?" he asked her wryly.

Lucy laughed, readjusting Claire so she sat more comfortably against her hip. "Oh come on, I haven't seen the guys since Claire was born. They're not that bad. Besides," she added, "where else would I be?" The rocker held his gaze like a challenge, almost asking if _he_ regretted her decision to spend time with them.

It's not that she didn't trust him. Well, not him specifically. She's always had problems with letting people in and accepting anything they called the truth as just that. She wanted to believe everything he said, especially now that he had done what she asked and had talked to Claire about Jo. That couldn't have been easy for him, and all she wanted now was to move forward, but she had the odd feeling that something was just barely holding her back.

She felt like she knew exactly what it was, but didn't really want to admit it even to herself. Kendall however, seemed to have no such reservations.

"I wouldn't want you anywhere else, if I could help it," he told her honestly.

Lucy was saved from having to reply by Logan returning with James in tow. Which was great, because she had no idea what to say.

"You are _such_ a child."

"I am _not_." James retorted.

Logan scoffed. "Dustin is barely two and even he doesn't pout as much as you are right now."

"I'm not pouting!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

Claire butted in, her tiredness once again forgotten. "Unkie James!"

James, who Lucy confirmed most certainly had been pouting, broke into a wide grin. "Hey pretty girl! How's my favorite three year old?" He carefully took her from Lucy just as Carlos walked up, both Kendall and Claire's suitcases and Lucy's duffle bag with him.

"Ready to go?" Logan asked, picking up Kendall's suit case. Both he and Carlos swatted Kendall and Lucy's hands away, insisting that they'd carry the bags.

"I guess we're ready to go then," Kendall agreed. He gave Lucy an over-dramatized shrug, which she almost missed. She was keeping an eye on James as he tossed a giggling Claire a few inches in the air only to catch her and pretend to bite her nose, which sent her into more giggles yet.

Kendall chuckled and wrapped and arm around Lucy's shoulders. "Hey Luce, you're overprotectiveness is showing," he teased in a quiet tone, using her own words against her.

Lucy scoffed and ducked under his arm, with an elbow aimed at his ribs in retaliation. She made sure however that he saw the smile on her face before she turned away and asked Logan how Camille was doing.

"She's doing great," he told her with a smile. "She'll be happy that you're spending the holiday with us; the twins and Dustin have been running her ragged. Some girl time would not go underappreciated."

Lucy laughed at that. "How old are Caleb and Nate now?"

"Four," he said, leading the group out to his van. "They actually started pre-K this year. And Dustin just turned two last month."

"They're growing up fast," the rockstar commented.

Logan scoffed. "You're telling me." He unlocked the van with his remote once they were close enough, motioning with a vague hand gesture toward it. "I made sure to bring one of the twins' car seats for Claire. It's on the passenger side."

James passed Claire to Kendall, mumbling something about barely knowing how to buckle himself in let alone those kid's seats, which everyone found pretty amusing. Logan handed him the suitcase he was carrying and told him the rear door should be unlocked as well.

Lucy slid into the passenger's seat while Carlos and James put the luggage in the very back and Logan hopped into the driver's seat. She turned around to look at Kendall as he buckled Claire in.

"Ready for a nap?" he asked Lucy as he took his seat next to his daughter, looking very much like he needed one himself.

The rocker scoffed. "Are you kidding? I've had longer plane rides than that, and then had to perform a concert right after. You're out of practice."

All he did was raise an eyebrow in response, but Lucy knew what that meant. _You say that now._

She scoffed mockingly and turned around as Carlos and James climbed into the very back seat and Logan turned the van on.


	17. Faith and Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While cleaning my room I found my thumb drive that i used to keep stories on, and discovered that I had a finished but unpublished chapter to this story hiding on it. This isn't a promise that i will continue on from here, but I figured I'd put it up for those of you who bothered to read this. My writing style has improved so much since I started this story that rereading it almost made me cringe. But who knows? If Invicta starts giving me problems or causing writer's block, I may just work on this as a break. We'll have to see.

Lucy gently swatted Kendall’s hands away from the buckles on Claire’s carseat. “I’ll get Claire,” she said, giving him a mostly gentle shove towards the house Logan had parked the van in front of. “You need to go say hi to your mom.”

Kendall ducked his head away from the pointed look she shot him. “Fine, fine,” he conceded. “So bossy.” But he did as she told him and headed toward the porch, where Mrs. Knight was waiting eagerly.

“I’ll show him bossy,” Lucy murmured to a sleeping Claire. The toddler had passed out almost as soon as they had started the drive. It was only twenty minutes from the airport to Kendall’s mom’s house, but the rocker was ready to admit defeat. She’d had enough traveling for one day.

Once the straps in the car seat were off Lucy picked up Claire, doing her best not to jostle her too much. Though she was sure that Claire wasn’t going to be asleep for much longer.

Two identical four year old boys came racing out the door, down the porch steps, and straight past their father as they hurtled themselves towards James and Carlos. Logan gave them a mock dirty look, but Caleb and Nate were paying him no mind, much more interested in the luggage being pulled from the back of the van.

Right on their heels was a sleek German shepherd who Lucy assumed to be Carlos’ police dog. It stopped dead at the man’s feet and promptly sat down next to him, confirming the thought.

“ _More_ people?” one of the boys asked, grabbing Lucy’s attention. He was wearing a Batman shirt, while his brother was wearing an Ironman one, but she wasn’t sure which twin was which; they both had dark curly hair and child-round faces, but at least Camille and Logan didn’t do the cliché of dressing them _exactly_ the same.

Logan picked up the twins, one in each arm. “I told you that more people were coming, Nate. Uncle Kendall and Claire. You remember Claire? And Lucy’s here too. You’ll like Lucy.”

Claire herself was stirring in Lucy’s arms, and all the rocker could think was that at least the toddler would sleep well tonight.

“Why don’t you let me take her?” Kendall’s sister was suddenly at her elbow. “I haven’t seen my niece in forever.”

“Aunt Katie!” Claire squealed, stretching her arms out toward the other woman.

Lucy laughed. You would never be able to tell the three year old had been asleep a few seconds ago. “Alright, alright. I can tell when I’m not wanted.” She handed Claire off to Katie, taken by surprise at the twinge of protectiveness that sparked in her chest when Claire left her arms.

_Chill out,_ she told herself, _this is Kendall’s sister. She knows Claire better than you do._

Katie hadn’t seemed to notice anything, cooing at Claire about how big of a girl she’s getting. The younger woman turned back to Lucy after a moment and nodded toward the porch. “Oh, and Camille told me to tell you to get your butt over there and say hi.”

Lucy turned toward the porch, where Camille was standing next to Kendall and his mom. She had a stern look on her face directed straight at the Rocker, and it wasn’t even affected by the two year old she had propped up on her hip. “Lucille Elizabeth Stone,” the actress started.

Lucy was both impressed and terrified at how well Camille had the whole ‘ _scolding-with-the-middle-name_ ’ thing down. “Coming, _mom_ ,” she mocked with a grin on her face. She really had missed her friend.

“Oh don’t you ‘mom’ me,” Camille snapped back in an attempt to seem like she was still mad. By the time Lucy got to the porch though, her face had already split into a smile and she was holding her free arm out in an invitation for a hug.

Lucy was all too happy to comply.

“It’s good to see you,” the rocker told her.

“No kidding,” Camille snarked. “You really need to stop by more often.” But she was still smiling when she pulled away and Lucy knew that she wasn’t actually mad at all.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy apologized anyway, unable to think of anything further to say. She couldn’t even use the excuse that she was too busy. So she changed the subject by turning to the two year old who was sucking on his fingers, cradled against Camille’s hip. “This can’t be Dustin,” she claimed, only half joking; like it had been with Claire, the last time she had seen Dustin was when he was only a few days old. It’s not like she’s been living under a rock, she has seen pictures of the actress’s kids in the tabloids. It didn’t compare to seeing them in person, though. As much as she herself felt bad admitting that, it would seem the toddler had no such quarrels.

As soon as Lucy’s attention was on him Dustin pulled his hand out of his mouth and grinned.

“Yep, this is Dustin,” Camille said proudly, briefly bouncing her son on her hip. He broke into a fit of giggles. “He just entered his terrible twos. Though he’s a bit more distractible than the twins were.”

Now still and bored, Dustin held his arms out to Lucy, his fingers curling and uncurling in a grabbing motion. “Up, up!” he demanded insistently.

Both girls laughed.

“Also, not nearly as shy as Nate and Caleb either,” Camille added, placing the toddler in Lucy’s outstretched arms.

It was Lucy’s turn to say “No kidding” as Dustin patted her face with all the gentleness a two year old could muster.

“Look at him. Already a ladies’ man.” Kendall appeared at Lucy’s shoulder, giving Camille a smirk. “Better watch out, he’s starting to take after Uncle James.”

Camille scoffed good-naturedly. “Let’s hope not.”

Lucy was laughing as she was trying to control Dustin’s flailing hands. “Oh come on. He’s got a leg up on James.”

Kendall gave her an inquisitive look. “What’s that?”

“Well just look at him,” Lucy replied, nodding at Dustin. “He’s adorable.”

The three of them burst into laughter, only redoubled when an indignant, “Hey!” came from the bottom of the porch steps.

“Alright everyone, inside,” Mrs. Knight instructed, instinct telling her that the ‘adults’ were in need of a distraction. “Kendall, Lucy, and Claire have had a long day. Dinner’s on the table and its getting cold.”

Every one readily complied, Camille taking Dustin back, and Logan once again rounding up the twins and herding them inside. Katie, setting down Claire so she could run after Caleb and Nate, told James and Carlos to take the bags up to the spare bedroom. “You’re alright sharing a bedroom with Kendall, right?” she asked the rockstar. “I mean the couch does fold down into a bed if you’d rather-”

“No, it’s fine,” Lucy interrupted, noting the way that Mrs. Knight and Katie both looked at her when she did so; Katie’s smug and knowing while her mom’s was more inquisitive and surprised. She cleared her throat and avoided their gazes, but luckily they didn’t comment on it. Just an “Okay,” and “if you’re sure,” before they both went to get the food from the kitchen.

The dining room wasn’t necessarily small, but with all twelve of them sitting around the table it was pretty crowded. By no means did that mean it was unpleasant however. Lucy couldn’t remember the last time she had been at a big family meal, and even though this wasn’t technically her family the smile Kendall gave her when she sat down and the near constant inclusion in the conversation around the table made her feel right at home.

Nonetheless, she was glad when dinner was completely done and everyone had migrated to the living room. It was her first chance to actually relax all day. Except she knew it was going to be short lived when five minutes after she sat down Claire crawled into her lap.

“Hey rockstar,” she greeted Claire drowsily. “You just about ready for bed?” She brushed a few strands of blonde hair out of the three year old’s face. She was going to need a haircut soon.

Claire of course stubbornly shook her head with a solid “No,” but it was immediately countered with a large yawn.

Lucy smiled and gathered her up in her arms. “I think it’s time for bed.” She turned to Kendall, who was seated next to her on the couch, to find that she already had his attention. “I’m going to put Claire to bed, then head in myself,” she told him.

Mrs. Knight stood up then, her expression warm. “I’ll show you where everything is.”

“I’ll be up in a bit,” Kendall assured.

Lucy got up, Claire’s head resting on her shoulder. “Take your time,” she told him, following Mrs. Knight, “catch up with the guys.”

Everyone quietly bade her good night as she left the living room.

Mrs. Knight led her to the room right across from the bathroom, on the other side of the kitchen. “Here’s the kid’s room,” she said quietly. “Logan should have brought in Claire’s bag- Ah, there it is.”

Claire’s little suit case was on top of a twin sized bed on one side of the room; the other side had a bunk bed that Lucy guessed belonged to the twins, judging by the super hero bed sheets.

“Do Caleb and Nate stay here often?” Lucy asked as she carried Claire over to her bed, rummaging through the toddler’s bag with one hand for a pair of pajamas.

“Whenever Logan and Camille’s schedules conflict, or they need a break,” Mrs. Knight explained. “They’re actually staying over for the holiday. With all the excitement being here, they wouldn’t want to miss it.”

Both women chuckled quietly before they fell silent, Claire obediently sitting still as Lucy switched out her clothes for more comfortable pjs, though the rocker was sure that had more to do with exhaustion than anything.

“There you go, rockstar,” Lucy murmured after gently tugging Claire’s shirt down over her head. She was aware of Kendall’s mom standing in the doorway, not missing any part of the exchange. “Now are you ready for bed?”

Claire didn’t argue, just looked around sleepily before saying, “My blankie.”

Lucy laughed quietly. “How could I forget your blankie?” She dug into the suitcase some more, remembering when they were packing up how she and Kendall had joked about the red-eye they’d have to take back to the east coast if they had forgotten the three year old’s blankie.

Blankie in hand, Lucy set the suitcase on the floor out of the way. “Alright, here’s your blankie. _Now_ is it bed time?”

Claire thought about it for a split second (Lucy was pretty sure she had actually just fallen asleep sitting up) before slowly nodding and allowing Lucy to pull the covers up so she could crawl under them and be tucked in.

“See you in the morning,” Lucy said quietly, brushing a soft kiss on the little girl’s forehead. She straightened up and turned around, content that Claire was comfortable and would be asleep in seconds. Walking toward the light switch, the rocker nearly missed the almost silently mumbled, “G’night, Mommy,” that followed her out.

Pausing at the door, now in almost complete darkness, Lucy turned back to Claire. “Good night, Claire,” she replied, a stunned smile shaping her lips. She couldn’t see the expression on Mrs. Knight’s face, and honestly wasn’t even sure if she wanted to see it. She had spent even less time around her than she had her daughter over the years. She had no idea what to expect from her at all.

But Mrs. Knight simply closed the door behind her and motioned up the stairs to the left of the bedroom. “You and Kendall are going to stay in the spare room up there.”

The second floor, which was actually a finished attic, was divided into two rooms with a hallway in between them. Straight ahead was another full bathroom, which Mrs. Knight explained they’d only have to share with Carlos. “He rent’s the room on the right,” she elaborated. “I told him that he didn’t have to actually pay, but he insisted. He used to have an apartment on the other side of town with his ex-girlfriend, and when they broke up I offered him a room here. He’s like a son to me; I couldn’t turn him away.”

Lucy was about to comment that it was sweet, but she was cut off by a yawn and Mrs. Knight ushered her toward the spare room on the left.

“Here’s where you and Kendall will be staying.” She flicked on the lights, revealing a very homey-looking room.

The walls were a pale green, the carpet a light beige. The curtains and bedspread were an off white that sat somewhere in between. Lucy let out a hum in appreciation as she took in the sight of the very comfortable looking bed. “This looks great,” she responded, turning to look at Kendall’s mom. “Er- thanks, Mrs. Knight. For having me over.”

Lucy was shocked when the other woman pulled her into a hug. “Please, call me Jennifer. And honestly I should be thanking you.” When they pulled apart, Jennifer kept her hands on Lucy’s shoulders, holding her at arms’ length. “When Kendall asked me if it would be alright to invite you over for Thanksgiving, that was the first time he’s reached out to me in six months. As his mom you have no idea how hard it was to know that he was hurting and that I couldn’t do anything about it. That he didn’t want me to do anything about it. I know you have something to do with the smile I saw on his face today and I don’t think I could ever repay you enough for that.”

Lucy’s head was spinning when Jennifer Knight ended her speech, though that could just be the exhaustion talking. She knew that Kendall had gotten better in the few weeks she had been with him and Claire, but to hear something like that; she had never been that important to anyone. “I didn’t like seeing him like that either,” she replied, unable to think of anything else to say.

Kendall’s mom pulled her into another tight hug before taking a step back from a stunned Lucy and motioning toward the bathroom. “There’s towels in the cupboard above the toilet. I’ll let you alone to get some sleep.”

With that Jennifer left the room and walked down the stairs, leaving Lucy by herself.

Forcing herself out of the revere fueled by sleep-deprivation and emotional-overload, Lucy cast a longing glance at the bed. As tired as she was, she did feel pretty gross from traveling all day. With a sigh she decided on a quick shower before she could go to sleep.

\---

“I was actually pretty worried about how today was going to play out.”

When Lucy returned to the room after her shower, still towel-drying her damp hair, Kendall was already laying in the bed looking freshly showered himself. It was nice having two bathrooms.

Showered, teeth brushed, fresh pajamas on, Lucy could feel her body ordering her to go to bed, unless she wanted it to give out right there. She was pretty sure it was an over-exaggeration on her part, but she mentally shrugged and hung her towel on the hook on the back of the door before closing it and flicking off the light. It was easy for her to find her way to the bed and slide under the covers in spite of the darkness. The pale moonlight shining in through the window was more than enough to see by, and the warmth of Kendall’s body was a welcoming invitation on its own. “Why were you worried?” she asked quietly, settling on her side facing him.

Lucy thought back to the excruciatingly long plane ride they had today, and mused at how all that together time _still_ wasn’t enough for her. She found herself scooting an inch or so closer to him, smiling ruefully to herself as she did so. She knew from experience exactly what it meant to “have it bad,” and this was it. _Thank god he talked to Claire yesterday,_ she mused. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could handle this.

Kendall let out a deep breath. Their proximity caused the scent of mint toothpaste to momentarily cloud the small space between them. It wasn’t all that special of a smell, but it mixed together with the heady scent of soap and wet skin and _him_ and went straight to her head. Before she could stop herself Lucy closed the gap of a few inches between them and pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss.

They were both exhausted and it was sloppy and brief, but she still found herself smiling after she pulled away. A warm blush crept its way up her neck. “I’m sorry-” she started to apologize, crinkling her nose in embarrassment.

But Kendall stopped her with a hushed laugh and an arm that wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to him still. Anything else she was going to say was lost in another succinct kiss. “Feel free to just grab me and kiss me whenever you want,” he murmured, their foreheads pressed together. “I’m all yours.”

The sheer amount of butterflies his words brought on was just downright mortifying. Lucy ducked her head, hoping he couldn’t feel the heat from her flushed face through his shirt. She felt like a teenager with a crush all over again. Thank god he talked to Claire, indeed. “Why were you worried about today?” she repeated, partially to change the subject but mostly because she was honestly curious. There were no more stipulations left, and she was too tired right now to think about if they were _actually going to do this_.

A while passed without an answer, and Lucy began to think that he had fallen asleep. But then he sighed again and pressed another kiss into her hair. Lucy was surprised at the lack of internal panic on her part.

“I wasn’t sure how upset everyone would be with me.” His confession came out in a bleary rush. “I know I didn’t handle the divorce very well and I just- I kind of just pushed everyone away. They were trying to help, I know that. But- I’m…” He trailed off, desperately searching for the words that would form the apology he wanted to give.

Lucy pulled away enough that she could once again look him in the eyes. He sounded so distressed, and it broke her heart. Tentatively, she lifted a hand and ran her fingers through his hair, testing the action out, gauging his reaction. He closed his eyes and didn’t pull away, so the rocker took that as a good sign and repeated the gesture as she spoke. “No one blames you, Kendall.”

The certainty in her voice caused him to open his eyes, his gaze intensely boring into her as he hung on her every word.

“You were hurting,” Lucy continued. “You _are_ hurting. You loved Jo, and she betrayed that. It’s not something you can just _get over_ easily.” She stilled her hand and instead brushed it down the side of his face to cup his cheek, his stubble tickling her palm. “Whatever you did in the past six or seven months, you’re getting better. That’s all your friends and family care about.”

Kendall smiled at her words, his eyes shining even in the dark. Lucy felt his jaw work, like he was trying to get his mouth to form some type of response, but he gave up. Instead he placed his hand over hers and turned his head to place a kiss on her palm before threading their fingers together. “Claire and I are so lucky you happened by when you did,” he said.

Lucy smiled and held his gaze, the familiar guilt and the thought of _you should probably tell him why you were out_ there _specifically,_ ran through her head. She managed to push it back down in favor of a much safer reignited spark of curiosity. “Speaking of Claire,” she prodded, “you never did tell me how the talk with her went.”

Kendall huffed out a tired chuckle. “Well, she told me the difference between ‘mom’ and ‘mommy’.”

The rocker looked at him with a puzzled expression. “What’s that?” she asked before realizing that she may already know at least part of the answer.

“She informed me promptly that her ‘mom’ is the woman who left and is under no uncertain terms coming back.”

“She said that?” Lucy teased.

She didn’t need to be looking at Kendall to know that he was rolling his eyes. “Not in as many words,” he amended.

The rocker laughed quietly, feeling her heart begin to beat a bit harder. “What did she say about ‘mommy’?”

Kendall hesitated, which really piqued her curiosity rather than make her more nervous, to her surprised. “I asked her if she ever wandered where mommy went,” he hedged.

Lucy thought about smacking him on the head, but that would either require her to move or let go of his hand. Neither one of those options sounded desirable, so she settle with a blunt, “Out with it, Knight.”

He let out an abrasive sigh before he finally answered her. “I asked her if she ever wondered where mommy went, and she told me no because mommy’s right there.” Lucy gave him a look that told him she didn’t fully understand, so he added, “She was pointing at you, Luce. You were sitting at that picnic table fiddling with your phone, completely at ease. Like sitting there waiting for us was something you did all the time.”

Lucy didn’t move as she digested his words, other than her eyebrows knitting together as she went over the events of yesterday and today. When Claire had bid her goodnight, she could easily chalk it up to the three year old being overtired. But for her to have said it in the middle of the day, in a regular conversation? Not that she wanted conversations about divorces to be a regular thing in Claire’s life.

As Lucy contemplated, Kendall began to fidget. He must have taken her silence as some kind of unease or panic, because he started talking again in the rushed way he does when he thinks he has to explain himself. “She said it with such utter faith and certainty, like she couldn’t understand why I didn’t see it too. And after I thought about it, _I_ didn’t know why I didn’t see it. You-”

As adorable as his rambling was, Lucy figured she should put him out of his misery and silenced him with another chaste kiss. “Hey, Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected.” She waited with an amused smirk until his focus was on her before she continued. “Claire is a really great kid. I told you I’d be here for you, and I will be. As long as you’ll have me. There’s no reason that that wouldn’t include her.”

“You don’t mind that she called you ‘Mommy’?” His tone still held a shard of worry in it.

Lucy smiled, struggling against the weight of her heavy eyelids. “She called me ‘Mommy’ when I put her to bed a little bit ago. I haven’t complained yet, have I?” She thought about the woman at Chuck E’ Cheese’s and the guy on the airplane, and smiled to herself. “It actually sounded really nice,” she said out loud.

Kendall let go of her hand only so he could wrap both his arms around her. He rolled over so he was on his back and she was laying on his chest and she had to hold herself up with a hand on each side of his head. Lucy had to stifle a squeak in surprise. “You might actually be the most incredible person I’ve ever known,” he told her.

Lucy flashed him an invisible smirk, their faces hidden in the almost complete darkness that came from the curtain of her hair. “Took you long enough to realize it, idiot,” she retorted fondly. But her words quickly turned into a yawn and she buried her face against Kendall’s neck as he laughed in a way that she _felt_ more than heard.

“Where’s all that concert energy now, Ms. Stone?” he inquired mockingly, though his own exhaustion was evident in his voice.

Lucy’s only response was to scoff indigently and slide off of him, rolling over so that her back was to him in a very ‘I’m ignoring you now’ gesture that she didn’t really mean.

Kendall turned over and pulled her close to his chest, reveling in the shocked yelp that he was sure she would deny later if he brought it up. He tangled their legs together as he tried his best to ignore the dull ache in his chest, and told himself again that he can’t change anything.

Except for the first time it was the words ‘I don’t _want_ to change anything’ that came to mind, and he thought that he was closer to being okay than he’s felt in a while.

“Thank you, Lucy,” he murmured into her hair.

The response he got was a quiet hum, but they were both asleep before either one could register the sound fully.


End file.
